Patch 1.21 - Chasing the Dragon

Duuuuuuuude!

As is obligatory for every single Final Fantasy XIV related post on the Internet, it should be pointed out that, yes, the game is still alive! More surprisingly, people still play it! Isn't that the darnest thing? It's been just over one and a half years since Square-Enix's second crack at the MMORPG genre was released to... well, let's not mince words, disastrous reviews. The nicest things said about it was "keep an eye on it. It just might turn good." So here we are with this entry!

The Focus of Final Fantasy XIII

Less saving the world, more awesome posing!

Early last week, while I was feeling a little down in the dumps, a friend gave me a physical translated copy of Final Fantasy XIII -Episode Zero-. Sadly, no official English version of the novella compilation was ever released, so my copy is basically the Japanese cover with the pages inside replaced with a fan-translation. There's also a very nice online translation over here for people who, for some crazy reason, can't find someone willing to import a novel they can't read, replace the pages with ones they can, then throw it at you and go, "Stop being so sad, jackass!"

Episode Zero is a series of web novellas that were released before Final Fantasy XIII in Japan. Most of them can be found on Square-Enix's site, but new chapters were added when they published a physical copy. The novellas revolve around most of the cast and act as a prequel to XIII, with Fang and Vanille being the main focus. As a huge fan of XIII's backstory, I just couldn't put the book down, and now feel the urge to go on an very long rant/borderline analysis of it all. Or, specifically, of Fang and Vanille's importance to the story.

Final Fantasy XII - Part Five

The first person to say they're Captain Basch fon Rosenburg of Dalmasca gets it in the teeth.

Final Fantasy XII - Part Four

Well, y'know, it's only been.... What? Eight/Nine months since the last entry? It's still relevant!

Since that pesky thing known as the non-Internet has finally calmed down a bit, and I've stopped being incredibly lazy, now's as good a time as any to wrap up some of the Let's Play series I abandoned all those months ago. However, this one comes with a twist! Which actually isn't all that shocking, since the image above kinda-sorta spoils it.

I've ditched the regular Final Fantasy XII that the filthy peasant class likes to parade around like so many diseases and have picked up the gloriously resplendent International Zodiac Job System edition. Which, despite the 'International' in its name, was only ever released in Japan. The IZJS comes with many new gameplay quirks and fixes a lot of the issues the original game had, but more on that later!

I'm playing a fan-translated version of the game, since while the audio is in English, the subtitles and menus were all in Japanese. The text, at least for the menus and cutscenes, is directly taken from the English version of XII, except with a different font in the cutscenes. Incredible, I know!

Anyway, with explanations out of the way, let's jump back in, shall we?

The Game to Make All Others Boring

I've been sitting here for a good while trying to figure out if it's possible to write something about Saints Row: The Third without massively spoiling the good moments (which is all of them) while also avoiding coming off as being obscenely boring. It's like I've reverted back to my six year-old self, who's just seen Jurassic Park for the first time. I want to tell everyone everything about it because ohmygodohmygodohmygodsocoooool, but at the same time I know if I do that I'll be ruining the best moments for them in some way.

However, like my six year-old self, I'm just going to say nuts to it and spoil away. At least here you get a warning.

Aren't I just the nicest?

Before The Third, Saints Row was a very weird series for me. I started at the second game and worked backwards, so imagine my surprise when the first game was honestly pretty dang bland. It was this bizarre parody/not-parody/maybe-parody-again take on urban gang warfare, and the gameplay could be summed up as Grand Theft Auto Except With.... No, Wait, I Got Nothin'. Though with Grand Theft Auto IV still being constantly delayed to the horizon and back, Saints Row filled the gap very nicely, and that's all I have to say about that because I can't remember anything else about the game except that Gat was awesome.

I bought Saints Row 2 shortly after release at the recommendation of a friend, who had the same general opinion as I on Grand Theft Auto IV, which'd come out earlier that year. GTAIV was a very atmospheric game, but it had basically sacrificed fun over the metaphorical pyre to try and gain the favour of the pretentious-gods. It had an Important Message (which was kind of at ends with the gameplay) and most of the game was spent doing not very fun things in the name of either realism or Rockstar trying to show how DEEP and MATURE they've become since the, in my opinion, vastly superior San Andreas.

While I enjoyed Niko Bellic's Angsty Adventures With His Fat Cousin more than my friend (even if did take some time to warm up to it), we both agreed that we thought Saints Row 2 was the vastly superior game. SR2 let you create basically any character you wanted and set you loose in a massive city full of wonderful toys to either break or break other things with. The fact that the story was surprisingly engaging and enjoyable too was just a nice bonus on the maniacal fun. In the three years since Saints Row 2 was released I think I've played it through somewhere around nine times now. Eight of those being co-op.

So, yeah, big fan. While everyone else was anticipating their Skyrims or Modern Warfares or Zeldas, I was almost beside myself in anticipation for Saints Row: The Third. "Oh, what fun we shall have", I thought as I scrolled through the images of jetbikes and explosions and explosions inside other explosions which in themselves were exploding.

So, is Saints Row: The Third any good?

Well, go re-read the first paragraph, silly.

Or have a picture of a VTOL jet fighter shooting a flamethrowerlaser to make something explode.

1.19 Shenanigans

The first ever Hooray! The Game's No Longer Terrible! celebration gets off to a festive start.

It's been a.... well, honestly, it's been an abysmal year and a touch for poor ol' Final Fantasy XIV, but she's at last starting to show the potential of what would've been, if the original developers hadn't been a bunch of workshite bumblefucks. Or, to put it less insultingly, XIV is shedding its negative aspects very quickly and showing much promise.

In July, FFXIV celebrated Patch 1.18, which began to lay the framework for a lot of massive changes. Grand Companies were introduced. The battle system mechanics got completely replaced with something halfway workable. The Guildleve system got a kick up the arse, and many other things. 1.19 follows in this, opting instead to focus more on fixing the current broken content than introduce anything new and experimental. XIV's newest inclusions aren't terribly unique amongst the genre, but god have they been sorely needed.

Like the last Final Fantasy XIV blurb I did, I just thought I'd ramble on about what's been added since last time and my own thoughts about it. Except since this entry only encapsulates one patch, it won't be horrifically long. Hooray! Although, I did get messages from people asking me if I could write a longer one next time...

I think my hands slowly and involuntarily creeping towards the nearest sharp object is answer enough on that one.

So, what did 1.19 add in that was so gosh-darn nice, anyway? Well...

Final Fantasy X-2 - Part Fourteen

At last! The finale of X-2 has arrived!

It only took me.... seven months to wrap up, but nobody can say that I'm not incredibly lazy dedicated! Huzzah and stuff, I guess! Actually, it was going to fly by me completely, but a few friends pointed it out and went, "Hey! You should do something special for it!" and then I was all, "No." and they were all, "DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT" and then I was totally like, "OKAY FINE GEEZ". Or so the legend says.

Unfortunately, I was all very prepared to waste many an hour writing up a colossal entry (about 980+ images), until Vista decided that working properly is vastly overrated in comparison to acting like a massive asshole, and it deleted about 80% of the images. I got a fair chunk of 'em back, but most are now lost forever to the virtual ether. Bugger.

This left me with two choices:

1) Use what images I did have to piece together the final chapter of X-2.
2) Just not do the entry at all, reducing every single individual on the planet to tears at the sheer loss of it all.

After the antics in Besaid, which is all fine and dandy, I'll have to basically just describe what happens, using images every so often to paint the picture. Not ideal, but ya gotta make the best of a bad situation!

Of course I could have just restarted the game and gotten back up to Chapter 5 again, but considering the requirements for 100% Completion, I would rather go skinny dipping in a Gagazet hot spring full of razor blades and lemon juice before I went through all that stuff again.

And on that charming image, let's dive into the final entry for Final Fantasy X-2!

Final Fantasy X-2 - Part Thirteen

Well, if I want to finally complete Final Fantasy X-2, I have to do this, don't I?

I have to complete... the concert.

If you didn't hear an ominous crack of lightning, you live far away enough that you won't hear my screams either.

Let's just skip this pre-drunk babble and get it over and done with, shall we?

If the level of snide in the comments is higher than usual, which is a scary thought, now you know!

Final Fantasy X-2 - Part Twelve

Oh, it's only been a two month break this time between entries? A new personal record!

Actually, the break would've probably been longer, if not indefinitely, had a friend not given me the oh-so shiny birthday present of a new ergonomic-keyboard-thiny. Possibly because of my constant bitching about my old, lame and totally adopted keyboard cramping my hands like a mother. So now, with new keyboard in hand, let us bravely venture back into Spira: The World Where Nothing Makes Sense~

You Are Dead

I know I'm a good two years late to the party --which has all but departed for greener pastures, what with the sequel coming out in October-- but I finally seriously sat down and finished Demon's Souls this week. It was a very long, very challenging playthrough, but, man, I'm so glad I did it. Hence why I'm hear writing this in a cheery mood and didn't start this post off with "DSKDHSJDLSDAHGA GOD GAME IS SO HARD ME HATEY HATE HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" Or something along those lines.

I just thought I'd spend some time this evening writing up about this crazy ol' game and why I feel it's just the bee's knees. For the uninitiated, Demon's Souls, aside from being very awkward to pronounce, is a game on the PlayStation 3 made by From Software. Probably better known for games like Armored Core and Chromehounds, From looked at the video game industry this generation and apparently deduced that it was nothing but wall-to-wall pansy games made for the pansiest pansies to ever pance their way through this pansy planes of Panconia. To try and bring some damned fun back rekindle players with the difficulty of the games of yore, they created Demon's Souls. It's a 'Survival Action' game, and dear god above does it ever live up to that totally made up genre.

Now, I really don't like hard games. Whenever a game throws a stupidly obnoxious or hard boss/level my way, I'm the first person to throw the controller on the ground, swear and usually give up on that line of playing for a good while. Demon's Souls, however, kept me constantly entertained and enjoying myself through the entire 20-30-something hour jaunt in it's creepy, dark world of creepiness. This, my friends and whoever else is reading this tripe, is because I don't actually think Demon's Souls is 'hard' in the slightest. I think it's challenging.

The word 'hard' to me, aside from the usual innuendos, means that a boss or level or whatever has kicked its way into a game and was specifically designed to piss the player off. Like there's suddenly a boss who teleports behind you and insta-stabs you. Or there's now an underwater, timed escort mission where you have  to dodge mines and laser sharks for no goddamned reason. You know, crap like that? Demon's Souls, to me, isn't that in the slightest. What it is is a game that isn't afraid to tell you that, yes, you actually are kind of a moron, aren't you? But that's okay, because it's here to help you. It hurts you because it loves you. It knows you can succeed! And what better way to show that then to throw you head first into a fire-breathing dragon's mouth!

My thoughts exactly.

Speaking of thoughts, as I mentioned above, I thought I'd just write down a few of my favourite experiences on my first complete playthrough of the game. Both to show just what I feel makes the game so special, and to hopefully maybe excite some of my Xbox 360-owning friends for when Dark Souls gets its shiny multi-console release in October. Then we can all cry and suffer together. Just like a family. OF PAIN.



Moment #1): The Tutorial, and First Steps into the World.

Your very first few moments into Demon's Souls are rather jarring if you're so used to current games and their ways of slowly coddling players into the mechanics and general world. There's usually some voice barking tutorial jargon at you, and then you're given a consequence-free few hours or so to learn the whole one or two commands the game asks of you. Not that there's anything especially wrong with that or anything, it's just that it's a whole 'nother beast compared to how Demon's Souls handles it. Basically, the game puts down little markings in the first level that say things like, 'Press L1 to block', or 'You can use items by pressing the Square Button'. I hope you have that memorized, because you're not getting told it again. You read it, then you're expected to commit it to memory to help against the untold horde of nasties.

Demon's Souls tells you what you need to know to make your way in the world. Anything beyond that is for you to discover, since there's so many different classes and ways to tackle any given situation. The game couldn't explain them all, and frankly, rightly doesn't even bother. You're told how to block, swing a weapon, cast a spell (if that's you're thing), and then you're immediately booted out the door. Once you finish the tutorial level where you die rather horribly (a nice nod to what you'll spend a majority of the game doing from now on) you're brought to the Nexus (the main hub of the game) by a stange woman called the Maiden in Black.

Return to Eorzea

Oh, Final Fantasy XIV. What a pretty, pretty mess you were.

There's an unwritten, but unfortunately very well known rule of MMORPGs which states that a newly released game cannot be deemed enjoyable until at least either six months or over a handful of patches have passed behind it on the road to hopefully not imploding on itself and being discontinued. Final Fantasy XIV took this principle and ran it right into the ground, being such a complete train-wreck on launch that practically everyone who touched the poor thing, including reviewers, said they thought it would be canceled within a month. If not less.

Before we hold hands and skip merrily down the road to answering if XIV is finally fixed or not, some backstory is needed behind the game's very dubious development history; and much like the series it spawned from, this history is very convoluted and long-winded. Okay? Okay. Let's go!

Development of the wacky Final Fantasy that is XIV reportedly started significant development when the Chains of Promathia expansion pack to Square-Enix's previous MMO, Final Fantasy XI, was just about wrapping up during the 2004-2005 period. The game was originally given the codename Project Rapture, and a quick tech-demo was showcased at E3 in 2005. XIV, like XI, was directed by Hiromichi Tanaka (who also worked on titles like Final Fantasy III, Chrono Cross, ect) which made a lot of fans very nervous, even back then. The biggest concern was what was going to happen to Final Fantasy XI, as it was going really quite strong at the time. The second was that, well, Mr. Tanaka was quite infamous among the community for green-lighting very... quality-ambiguous gameplay mechanics.

Specifically, Tanaka seemed to enjoy the prospect that players would have to earn or wait significantly in order get to what many would call the 'fun' aspects of the game. If this was a good direction or not would be, and still is, constantly debated among the players of XI and XIV. The more important point here is that Tanaka would basically be controlling two games at once, which might partially explain what happens below.

At E3 in 2009, Square-Enix revealed that Project Rapture would, of course, be Final Fantasy XIV.  Like with every game ever created in the series, this news split the gigantic fanbase apart and created roughly several hundred million threads on forums, with people going on about either how awesome this was going to be, or how it would devour babies and slap everyone's mother before defecating on the carpet. Shortly after its announcement, we started getting juicy gameplay details, like how "growth is not based on EXP", it would be released on the PC and PS3 worldwide simultaneously, and all sorts of other neat stuff.

Stuff that never actually came true.

On April 2010, Final Fantasy XIV entered its Alpha testing stage. The lack of information about the game up to and including this phase of development startled quite a few potential fans, but anyone who was familiar with FFXI and Tanaka's involvement there just shrugged it off as business as usual. We got some very pretty screenshots and a quick trailer here and there, which was keeping most people nice and happy. Overall, the game was still highly anticipated by many, myself included. What started to make the internal alarms of the ol' noggin' blare, however, was that the Beta period was going to start in mid-June. Which wouldn't have been a problem if the game wasn't just announced to be released in late September.

In short, XIV's beta was only going to be three months long; which is a far-cry off the original estimate, and MMO genre average, of six months. Unless XIV was somehow mysteriously already polished to a shine (and therefor eliminating the need for a Beta in the first place) the proper testing phase of the game was going to be way, way, way too short for any feedback from the testers to make it back into the product to any significant degree. With MMOs, and any game worth its salt, a well-made product needs to be constantly tested in every regard over a significant period of time. Solutions to problems need to be implemented, then those solutions need to be tested to make sure they don't cock anything else up. Then when that inevitably happens, you need to test everything again anyway. It's long, hard work, and Final Fantasy XIV seemed like it was going to try and barrel right through this as quickly as it could.

To say this would come back to bite them in arse is a gross underestimate of the derriere-chomping that would follow.

The Beta phases came and went as quickly as expected. We were only given the city of Limsa Lominsa and a small chunk of the outlying fields to explore. The game definitely showed a lot of potential, and actually delivered pretty well on a fair few of its concepts. The biggest problem here was the game very obviously wasn't finished, what with it being a Beta and all, but a majority of the feedback players were giving seemed to fall of deaf ears. There most likely wasn't anywhere near enough time for the developers to read through all the feedback, and Tanaka and his crew never gave any real indication that they were even reading them in the first place, outside of a few tiny, tiny things that could be fixed while the Beta flew by.

In a wonderful case of 'open mouth, insert foot', I wrote a very long and mostly pretty-praising article about XIV, believing that the developers would fix all the known issues amongst the playerbase before launch, just a day before the Open Beta really got underway and the big bomb was dropped on everyone. XIV's Open Beta, which was just the closed Beta in content but with more areas, was going to be the entirety of the game at launch. The game barely had any proper content (including no definable way to consistantly level and just a few cutscenes for missions here and there), the launcher was glitchy (you couldn't even alt-tab out of the game without it crashing), it was hideously optimized for the PC and... well, felt like a damned Beta. But here we were with Square-Enix and Tanaka basically kicking its arse out the door and screaming "It's done~!"

The backlash from this is what you'd expect.

Final Fantasy XIV absolutely tanked upon release. Square-Enix tried to hide the game's shoddy state from the general public by placing an embargo on mainstream game reviewers until a couple of weeks had passed, but word was already spreading across the Internet from the players themselves. The game was nowhere near ready, and it was considered by many a downright insult for Square to expect people to pay for this. When the reviews did come out, hoo-boy. Let's just say they were about as forgiving as the players were.

Less than a month later, we received this lovely little gem from the developers.

Since the official launch of service on September 30, 2010, we have received a wealth of constructive feedback from the FINAL FANTASY XIV community, and the development and management teams would like to take this opportunity to express their sincerest gratitude. For those who purchased the collector’s edition and began to play one week before official service began, the month-long free play period is drawing to a close. Considering the nature of much of the feedback we received, however, and the current state of the game, we have decided to extend the free trial period for all users. Please continue reading for further details.

Final Fantasy X-2 - Part Eleven

Well, I think the worst is behind us now.

There's still a distressingly large amount of confusing and embarrassing sections of the game left to go, but such is life in Final Fantasy X-2. Again, this game really is a case of actually being pretty darn fun if you just plod through the 'main' story, and maybe a few sidequests here and there. But if you're going for 100%, I can only assume the game designers thought it'd be hilarious to get back at all those silly completionist jerks who dared give them money by creating some of the most downright asinine gameplay choices ever witnessed.

And this is how pirating got started.

Probably.

Final Fantasy X-2 - Part Ten

So.. yeah. Been a while since an X-2 entry popped up, huh?

Explanations are probably in order for all none of you who care. After the last X-2 entry the lovely ol' PCSX2 emulator started going all snooker-loopy again, and I was all set to fix it... until I realized what section of the game was going to rear its ugly, ugly head next. So thenhe game sat on the bench for a wonderful couple of months. I like Final Fantasy X-2, and think it definitely has its moments of being pretty darn fun, but the designer of this one particular part of the game should commit explosive seppuku for his crimes against humanity.

Probably a slight exaggeration there, but really, the next bit might be my least favorite section in any video game ever, so if I come off somehow more grouchy than usual, well, now you'll know why.

Let's... let's just get this over with, shall we?

The Sims 3 - Part Three

Out of all the Sims 3-related questions I've gotten, the following two are the only ones. Exactly how many days/weeks have passed in the game, and how much of the LP's antics are me controlling the Sims vs letting the in-game Free Will mechanic do its thang?

I'd say about... 5-6 days have passed so far. Most of it has been shown, but I've just skipped the parts where the family was at work/school or were grinding up learning new skills and/or money-making/inventing progression. That stuff aint very exciting, even when you're playing the game yourself. As for the ratio of Free Will vs Controlled, like I said in the first entry, outside of me telling the Sims to go to a specific place (which is always mentioned in the stupid captions) or accepting Opportunities/Invites, the vast majority of it is Free Will doing its thing.

It's very scary, very crazy thing.

Speaking of, there's plenty more of that this entry, so let's hop to it, daddy-o.

The Sims 3 - Part Two

After battling a multitude of glitches, one of which somehow ended up deleting my entire neighbourhood, it's time to jump back into that wacky world of The Sims. Fortunately any hair-pulling on my part was saved by me keeping a backup of the neighbourhood, so I lost no progress. Well, except potential progress from being able to do this entry about two hours earlier and not constantly cursing to myself, but who cares about that?

Back we go!

The Sims 3 - Part One

Well this is certainly not what I was expecting to next do an entry of!

Then again, with my incredible laziness I'm generally not expecting to do the next of anything, so there's that.

The Sims and I have a very strange history. It's a game that I actually have quite a bit of fun with, and usually rush out to buy the games/expansion packs the day they're released, but then I get bored within about a week or two of playing and just drop it like a bad habit made of lava until the next expansion comes out, then the whole wonderful/expensive cycle begins anew!

I haven't played The Sims 3 since just after the World Adventures expansion was released. Since then the gigantic money printing facility inside of EA known as Maxis have managed to bring out three more expansions and god knows how many DLC item packs and whatever inbetween. I've got them all now, and when I went to boot the game up, a friend asked why don't I do a stupid little Let's Play about the whole thing? Well, why not, indeed!

This will probably be a short LP, to keep it from dragging out and to stop me from getting bored and then never finishing the darn thing. I'll be lightly nudging my lovely little Sims in certain directions to progress in whatever stupid narrative I can concoct, but all the interactions within will be left up to the wonderful whims of the in-game Free Will mechanic. If I were a man to slap arbitrary numbers onto anything, I'd say the LP will be most likely 15% me nudging my Sims to do something and 80% observing what the game does with that. The last 5% will most likely be the game crashing or glitching out, as tends to happen. A lot.

Okay? Okay.

Let us begin!

Dual-Boxing Vana'diel Dos

Again, despite the title, this entry has little to do with the methods of dual-boxing and more to do with me ranting and guffawing about that wacky Final Fantasy that is XI. I should probably change the title to Random Asshole Talks About Dated MMO, but it just doesn't have that pop to it, y'know?

While I certainly don't regret the time I've spent doing this, and the fun that has come out of it, I can probably safely say that I'm not going to continue the crazy adventures on my Hume, because... well, quite frankly, while Square-Enix has done a lot to alleviate the horror of leveling in this game (especially compared to when I first did it some 5-6 years ago), it still sucks. My apologies to any fans and friends of crabs, worms and bats, but your leveling system just isn't that interesting, personally.

Dual-Boxing Vana'diel

I couldn't think of anything relevant to put here, so instead here's a man in a tuxedo fighting an Orc.

So, yeah. Dual-Boxing. What's up with that, y'all?

I never even really considered the option until a friend sent me a message going, "So, yeah. My [FFXI] account's been inactive for a while, so here, you can have it, wanka!" and that was that. At first I was just going to completely ignore its existence, possibly leaving it to grow up and develop an affection complex before murdering a man in an alleyway while screaming daddy, but then I thought it might be an interesting time to see what it would be like essentially starting Final Fantasy XI from scratch again, given all the new content added since when I started about, geez, five or six years ago?

Metal Gear Solid 2 - Part Three

And, lo, the tanker section of the game has some to a close.

It's a lot of fun to play through, even though 90% of the immaculate details the game (and the PS2) boasts about are in those 40-60 minutes. The rest of the game is still very spiffy, but you won't encounter an interactive or highly detailed object every single room anymore. Which... well, there are games this gen that don't feature even half of that, so I can't exactly complain about MGS2's.

Not really much else to say at this point, except that the events of this entry are extremely infamous amongst the Metal Gear Solid fanbase for shattering it in half, based on pro or con feelings. And, well, if Liquid living on as Ocelot's new arm couldn't do that, it should probably speak for itself.

Just for the record, though, I actually like the change, and I'll explain later. But, enough of this crap, let's move on!

Metal Gear Solid 2 - Part Two

I can never seem to churn out the second entry in a game without something going catastrophically wrong. D'oh well.

This time, Photoshop, being an Adobe program and therefor completely incapable of working for more than four nanoseconds at any given time, thought it was hilarious, just hilarious, to crash my computer, nearly take the hard-drive with it and then refuse to open or resize half the images. Hooray! Thankfully GIMP, and a friend, were nice enough to point out and offer a batch resizing plug-in, so all is well.

Until the next accident tomorrow, knowing my luck.