Final Fantasy VIII - Part One | Working as Intended

Final Fantasy VIII - Part One

Posted on 11/09/2010 by Trambapoline

As seems to be the usual case for starting up a rant on this journal, I've been chatting with some friends over the past few days about Final Fantasy VIII (duh). My stance on it has always that it's a nice game, but it has this weird problem where the things I like about it are almost immediately balanced by the things I dislike. I honestly think the game has spawned more discussion on exactly why people like it rather than anything that might have to do with analyzing the story or characters and so on.

Like XIII now, it's a game people feel very passionately about. Either for or against.

I haven't played it in years, so a lot of my VIII-loving friends think that since I wrote a big ol' series of posts about XIII and, more negatively, XIV, I should go back and see how VIII compares these days. I've still got a bit of a heavy schedule, but what the hell. Why not?

I refrained from calling this a Let's Play, because while I'll be doing that, I feel Let's Plays usually stick to one thing throughout the whole project. Like comedy, or making little notes here and there. While I'll be doing that, I'll also be hitting the brakes every now and again to discuss what I feel works and doesn't work about the game. So, there's a bit of everything!

I know that still classifies as a Let's Play, but shut up!

With the exception of some of the more horrid plot-twists and events, I mostly can't remember what exactly happens in the game, so this oughta be interesting!

Also, I was tempted to do this with Legend of Dragoon instead, because that's also another hit-or-miss JRPG from the PSX I like, but I feel most of my banter would just equate to, "This bit of story rips off [Insert Final Fantasy game here]." Also Rose is awesome and ROD TYPHOOOOOOON.

Yeah.

I might do that at some point, but for now...

We start off with, quite frankly, the most bombastic and possibly awesome of any Final Fantasy introduction FMV. Given the pacing of the game, this opening is kind of silly, but it does a really good job of selling the player on the game, and what's to come. I like Final Fantasy X's mostly more sombre opening more, but.. damn, this is still shiny.

Only problem with the opening is that it's followed by, well, this.

Thrilling!

"Man, I had the weirdest dream. There was foreshadowing and latin choruses all over the place! Also, some woman was falling into my arms, and I'm positive she will be a mature, lovable individual that won't in any way need to be rescued nearly a dozen times for increasingly contrived reasons!"

Or you can just say that. Either way.

"I got a cut on the forehead, woman. Not a lobotomy."

Get it?! It's funny because Squall is full of angst. Hahahahaha!

Yeah, no. I mean it's true, but that's been done to death. Regular ol' Squall will do.

I'll keep that in mind.

Right, next time Seifer comes charging at you with his Gunblade, Squall, just give him the blank.

That'll show him!

Hot.

What? Someone had to say it.

That's also an acceptable answer, I guess.

"Oh, back of my glove, only you can comfort me in the dark times ahead!"

Yeah, that whole 'nearly getting your head cut off by a fellow student' thing isn't a big deal.

Happens all the time around here!

Suddenly!

Uh... howdy?

"Now that I've issued one line of foreshadow-thick text, it's time to walk away. As is my custom!"

And the game just redeemed itself a little for this slow-arse opening.

I'm glad you can make light of a potentially fatal duel between two students.

Ellipses. And plenty of 'em!

Considering all the wangst that's going to be fired at him in the near future, this would be a bad thing.

"Well, I was thrown into an orphanage at a young age, where I was taken care of someone who may or may not of have a sorceress at the time. I was then brought to this borderline-military academy shortly after, and I was forced to make life-changing decisions at an age where I still wasn't properly aware of the consequences. On top of that, said academy is forcing me to use Summoned beings that store themselves in my consciousness and eat away my memories from within. Is that good enough for you?!

I also enjoy long walks on the beach, and the occasional Macchiato."

Actually, instead Squall says nothing and decides to awkwardly wait to respond.

Wait for it...

Wait for it....

There we go!

Anyway, this is the aforementioned Military Academy; Balamb Garden. I could only wish schools/academies looked this over-the-top and shiny. Though it does raise the question of how exactly a place like this could possibly be established on a tiny island nation that consists of a cave and one itsy-bitsy town.

I think they explain that at some point, but for now I'm going with the idea that this place is entirely silly.

However, it does have a very relaxing tune that's one of my favorites from the game. So, yay!

Meanwhile! At the ~~Hall of Justice~~ Only Classroom in the entire Garden.

9:00am - Pick up emotionally and physically wounded student.
9:01am - Poke fun at said student.
10:00am - Run student/s through Field Exam, only hours before their crucial and mandatory test.
11:00am - Chillax.
4:00pm - Possibly trigger event during the Live Test that spirals into an epic quest to save all of time and space.
5:00pm - Remember to tape M.A.S.H on the television.

"The cafeteria does not receive shipments of Soylent Green, for the last time!"

Plenty. All of them revolving around, "Why am I doing this?"

"Snow will be by in about 10 minutes to beat you up and steal your coat."

"I'll potentially ruin my entire life and kill whoever I want, woman!"

Aw yeah.

But before that, we have a computer to try out!

I love that second option. It reminds me of people who play console video games and get incredibly pissy over the idea of having to stand up every 8-10 hours to swap discs. Their life truly is one of hardship!

Anycrap, this is the Garden Computer. And this is also the only time anyone ever accesses the poor thing, since it can only be found in the never-used-again classroom, and after this it doesn't contain a single useful thing for the rest of the game.

It's heartwarming to see that even in far-flung fantasy worlds the Internet is still the same as ever.

Huh. Maybe this will clear some things up?

Thank you, that explained absolutely nothing of worth.

Squall, this is no time to be stalking ex-girlfriends on Facebook!

Score!

Because I couldn't think of anything better!

Oh, that Squall. So much stamina!

Right. Let's see what ol' Quistis wants.

Is that a euphemism?

Are you coming onto me?

I'm not hearing a 'no'...

"... challenged me to the children's card game."

I do, actually! Y'see...

Damn it, Squall!

Question! How are you doing that blue bracket thing with your voice?

I wasn't aware [your seat] was a legitimate location now.

What subject?

What the hell are you talking about?

You people are freaks.

Yeah, whatever, that's nic-OH GOD! WHAT ARE YOUR HANDS DOING?!

Uhhhh...

Annnnnyway, we best be heading to that [front gate] I hear is all the rage these days.

You might wanna see a doctor about that, random text box.

POW!

Squall's inner-Cassanova switches on.

So was my fist. What's your point?

"Wink."

What, what?

See? Squall can be nice sometimes. He just needs a little reassurance.

It's called Absinthe.

"Posing like the bogeyman reaffirms my happiness at the current turn of events!"

Is it cocaine?

Jesus, I've trying to score some for, like, five minutes now. Sure, man, hit me up!

Is that what they're calling it on the streets now?

"What the fuck is a [Square Button]? Dude, you're tripping major balls."

I know street lingo. Now where do they keep the hookers and beerbongs around here?

What the?! They're actual cards?

RIPOFF ARTIST!

Fuck this noise, man. I'm outta here!

I'll skip the long tutorial. Long story short, there's a lot of places I'm going to run to anyway, and they have stuff.

That saves about five minutes.

"Wait, no, come back! You're the only woman I know who isn't an instructor with dubious student-teacher morals that I can't just stalk on Facebook. Come back!"

...

"DAMN IT! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KILL MYSELF FOR ATTENTION WITH THESE STUPID DAMN WAIST-HIGH BARRIERS IN THE FRAKKIN' WAY?! SHIT!"

"Oh well, better check out the joint."

Cool beans?

I come all the way here, and that's all you have to say?

Pfft! Whatever.

Onwards once more!

"No. Now if you'll excuse me..."

Um?

He said no, already!

"You again?! I take back what I said about wanting your attention. Get away from me!"

"Help me, woman inexplicably going around in circles on roller-blades!"

You don't say...

PISS OFF!

Right. Far away from the crazy lady now.

Actually, this bit of dialog brings up an interesting point. Do the characters actually say something to NPCs to make them say such really weird, one-off lines? Or are these worlds just full of the most self-gossipy people ever? It's kinda of unsettling, when you start to think about it.

This is Fujin. Get used to this manner of speaking.

She does that. A lot.

Raijin as well, ya know?

Hey, that's Squall's bit. Back off, Proto!Snow.

I wish I had the ability to create a real-life /ignore list.

"I am a bit famished... Sure!"

>:(

HA!

You're insane. I like you!

Incoming Repetitive Hot-Dog Gag!

Why not just, you know, order one beforehand? The Garden computer said you could.

No, wait, you're a moron. Carry on.

Zell's irritation and hunger cause him to start walking like a chicken.

My thoughts exactly.

I have no idea if we temporarily jumped into Raijin's mind for a second, or if Squall is thinking this. If it's Squall, then that's actually kinda funny!

Code Violation #320: Walking like a chicken in front of staved canteen patrons.

Does anyone seriously think like this when striking up a conversation with strangers?

They tend to do that to teenagers.

You 'Trepe' guys are weird, but you have good taste at least.

Okaaaay. Getting extremely creepy now!

Fuck it, what's over here?

Running!

That's boring. You're boring!

Also, are you the girl from the Forum that has a crush on Zell? Girl, I don't know you, but I already know you can do much better than him. Plus, I'm willing to bet a hot-dog isn't the only long and hard thing he wants in his mouth, if you catch my drift?

No?

Well, screw it. I tried.

Ah! I was wondering when one of you overly exposition-heavy NPCs would show up!

Dude, if you're questioning the plot now, then your brain is going to fucking implode come Disc 3.

Someone actually had to program this in, people.

Wheeee!

Pointless NPC banter? OR CUNNING WRITING TO HINT AT THE FACT THAT IT'S MORE ADVANTAGEOUS TO STAY AT LOW-LEVELS, SINCE MONSTERS ALSO LEVEL UP?!

You be the judge!

No matter how many times I play this game, I can never seem to catch this tiny bastard and figure out if he has anything to say. Well, one of these days, you little brat, I will catch you!

No gate-hoping for us, thank you!

Man, it's emptier than a Final Fantasy XIV server at prime-time out here!

Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here until Thursday, everybody! Try the veal..

To take a break from the snark and stupidity for a second, I have to say that I really like Balamb Garden as a setting, and as a way to introduce players to the world in Final Fantasy VIII. It's a mostly well designed place, and despite its occasional weirdness, the overall setting of a school/academy-like place helps gives the player some familiarity amongst all the fantasy/sci-fi themes and set pieces.

I know it was done mostly because Nomura suggested they go with what was popular in anime at the time (high-school shows, and lots of 'em), but it worked out well. My only real complaint is that it can take far to long to get anywhere, especially with those little corridor areas between the main hall and the actual building you're heading to/form. But that does away after a certain event later, so yeah.

I probably could've summed that up much quicker, but I couldn't find the right, shorter words.

Or I could've just said that.

Fuck you, random NPC!

At the [front gate], Quistis tries to throw one of her many, many, many lengthy and annoying tutorials at us!

Sorry, I like you and all, but I aint putting up with no Tutorials!

God bless the man who invented the cancel/skip function!

Okay. I'm going to use my [left foot] now to take a step forward. I believe I will follow through with my [right foot] and eventually walk [away from Garden] and advance the plot.

We cool?

Oh, shit. I forgot about World Maps!

Actually, despite my usual dislike of them (which can be summed up by my always getting horribly lost, they contain millions of random battles, and they look rather ugly) I don't mind VIII's map. Mostly because there are paths between most of the major locations, so it's nigh-impossible for me to get lost.

Not that that's stopped me before!

Anyway, I decide to follow the road, leaving the [Fire Cavern] until a bit later.

This is the town of Balamb. It has about... 10 NPCs and nowhere near enough manpower, funds or resources to build and sustain something like Balamb Garden. I smell something fishy!

"You know what, my main man? Fuck it. I am! Be right back, I just have to ditch my life-long goal of becoming a SeeD, and give up on the eventual plan to save the entire Universe from Time Compression. Fuck that shit, let's fix one of the two cars this island has!"

Tiny town.

I got nothin'.

This is actually Zell's mother. Though the lack of name, and general way the line is written makes it sound like she's Squall's mother or something. Hell, she just might be!

I smell drama-filled, reunion fanfiction~!