Working as Intended

This version update contains the game data for the add-on scenario "A Gil Destiny - The Quest for Less Respect and Mo' Money." After downloading the update and purchasing a registration code (WHICH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO), the scenario will become playable.
*Players must have absolutely no standards in order to participate in the add-on scenario missions.
*After purchasing a registration code, a feeling of depression and/or anger is normal.
*Any actual plot, developed characters or feelings of satisfaction that don't stem from paying $10 for a virtual item are not included and entirely accidental.


To appease the literally dozens of players still running around Vana'diel, we've toiled away for the entirety of five hours before we had to shove this onto PlayOnline to dedicate this update to the players insisting that Final Fantasy XI has lost all of its 'challenge'. Since we're really don't care if anyone stays around anymore, who cares if this pisses everyone off, right?


Event-Related.

New, extremely disappointing, quests based primarily in areas introduced since Wings of the Goddess have been added. Check the image below for all the exciting footage!
*No, you still won't be seeing Tavnazia.
*The [S] quests will still be obnoxious to find without the Wiki and will continue the proud tradition of being required for further progress through the Wings of the Goddess missions, despite there being absolutely no warning for their apparant importance.



The following changes have been made to Moblin Maze Mongers.

• Marbles obtained after a successful Maze run have been severely reduced.
• Players will no longer be able to select what runes are put onto their tablet before a run. It will now all be done randomly.
  
• The chances of a player getting anything remotely useful as a reward from this event have been adjusted.
• Players can now only do one maze run every 24 hours from their previous run.

The following changes have been made to the Chocobo Circuit.

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The following changes have been made to the Outpost teleportation feature.

We are proud to announce that in place of being able to select which region you wish to head off to we will be introducing a system where what type of item you trade to the Outpost NPC will help determine which region you're wisked off to!

eg: Instead of selecting Zulkheim and then being taken to the Valkurm Dunes, you can now trade a Fire Crystal to the related NPC and be taken to either:

• Zulkheim
• Gustaberg
• Elshimo Lowlands
• Vollbow
• Orgimmar
• Hyrule

The area and item needed for teleportation vary depending on elemental day, direction the player is standing in, the direction a randomly chosen character on the other side of the server is standing in, moon phase and whether you're doing the emotes /dance3 or /dance4 during the conversation with the NPC.
*In addition, the ability to teleport from the region back to your home nation has now been removed.


The time for an Airship to travel between cities has been increased to 20 minutes.


The EXP required to level has been sharply increased.



For the quest "Inside the Belly", the chances of obtaining a Ryugu Titan or Gugrusaurus have been severely decreased.


The following changes have been made to fellows.

• The item "Tactics Pearl" has been removed, and instead completing the quest will now reward you with the very Signal Pearl you're already carrying.
• The cooldown for the Signal Pearl has been increased to 8,760 hours.
• The stats for fellows at all levels have been significantly decreased.

Battle-related.

The levels of all monsters in the following areas have been significantly increased. Instead of listing the areas where this goes into effect, it would be far easier to list the areas that won't have their monster levels increased.

Hall of the Gods.

*As a result of this change, and since players seem to oh-so enjoy the prospect of grouping up, partying will now be required for all battles starting at Level 1.


The following adjustments have been made to magic spells.

• All Black Magic has been removed from the game, with the exception of Warp, Warp II, Retrace, Escape, Dispel and Tractor.
• Black Mage and Scholar players will now find their levels transferred to either (randomly chosen) Blue Mage, Puppetmaster, Thief or Samurai.
• Red Mage players will continue to not use any spells aside from Haste and Refresh anyway.

The following adjustments have been made to melee attacks.

• Melee damage has been halved, while all monster HP has been tripled.
• Weapon Skill stat modifiers have been severely decreased.
• Whenever the player connects a hit with the mob, there is now a 1/4 chance the weapon will shatter, with no chance of repairing it.
• We are now adding the Critical Miss ability. It will be tied to the AGI stat, and when it's randomly activated the player will miss the enemy so hard they will KO themselves.
• The stats Attack, Accuracy, Evasion, ect will now all be hidden from view, to make it fair to the ranged attack users.

The following adjustments have been made to ranged attacks.

• Players using ranged attacks will now have a random chance to miss the enemy and hit their party members instead with the arrow, depending on their unseeable Ranged Accuracy stat.
  

The RNG feature has been added.

Replacing traditional combat, the Random Number Generator system will promise exciting action as players start firing off completely arbitrary numbers that serve no function except to give players with a fetish for spreadsheets something to gush about.

When entering combat, whenever a player swings their weapon at the enemy, they will now have to hit a specific number for the hit to actually damage the enemy. The number required will change after every single auto-attack, ability used or weapon skill used. See the video below for an example of this facinating new system!

*RNG can only be triggered while in a party of six or more players. If the party contains fewer than the requried amount then RNG cannot be used and thus players cannot damage any enemies.



The following adjustments have been made to the Ranger class.

• Because of the Random Number Generator's title, Ranger (RNG) will now be called Bow-thwittler.
• The accuracy of Eagle Eye Shot has been severely decreased.

The following adjustments have been made to the Summoner class.

• The effectiveness of an Avatar's stats and abilities have been severely decreased.
• Summoners now gain a bonus to their non-existant Healing Magic skill whenever they cast White Magic.
• All summons will now be linked to a single recast timer.
• The recast timer for Avatars has been increased to 2 Hours.
• A new Avatar has been added!

After years upon years of development, we are proud to introduce the brand new Avatar for Summoners. Magic Urn!
* Magic Urn will cost 45 MP/tic and doesn't attack the enemy. Instead it will demand you give it an Elixir. If the Summoner trades an Elixir to the Avatar, he will immediately despawn. If the Summoner fails to trade the Elixir in time (which is randomly determinded based on the Summoner's level and elemental day) then the Magic Pot will explode and inflict terrible damage on the party!



The following adjustments have been made to the Beastmaster class.

• An issue where Beastmasters were using Charm or Familiar to put monsters under their control has been resolved.

Item-related.

Several new pieces of equipment nobody will ever use have been added.

Several new synthesis recipes that fail to address a single one of the many issues with crafting have been added.

Several new furnishings nobody will buy or craft have been added.

The new add-on purchasing gift item can now be obtained via the treasure coffer in the Tenshodo Headquarters in Lower Jeuno. All characters under a single playing account registered for this new add-on will be eligible for this gift.
*Should the item be discarded, players may have a replacement reissued by examining the same treasure coffer. However, doing so will cause the enhancement's recast counter to reset to its highest value.




System-related.

No new terms have been added to the auto-translate feature, on account of no actually useful new additions in this version update.

After placing a GM call your account will be reviewed and subjected to our RMT countermeasure program. If you fit any one of the many increasingly vague requirements, you will be banned. A fraction of the requirements are as follows:

• Selling any item to any NPC.
• Using the Auction House more than once every 24 hours.
• Logging in at the same time twice, regardless of the time between loggings.
• Using the chat log.
• Zoning.
• Moving in general.
• Fighting an enemy.
• Being within five zones of an enemy that drops any item.
• Being within the same game as any known RMT.
• Not planning on purhasing Final Fantasy XIV.
• Not buying the add-on packs.
  
• Using emotes.
• Logging in.
• Logging out.
• Encountering PlayOnline.
• Browsing any Final Fantasy XI site.
• Using the Internet.
• Having a computer or any console.
  
• Having a Final Fantasy XI account in any way.
• Existing.
• Thinking about existing in any way.

The following adjustments and features previously announced via Topics have been canceled.

• Damn near everything.