Working as Intended

That's right, I'm bored enough to step into the Let's Play arena with Pokémon Platinum: Enhanced Edition. For those in the know, which I assuming is like.. none of my friends, PPEE is basically the normal Pokémon Platinum, except with the ability to catch every Pokémon, sharply increased difficulty, a somewhat changed story and all that jazz.

Basic idea is, I slowly play through the game while friends occasionally poke me to say what Pokémon my team should consist of and what their nicknames, if any, should be.

Also, what I'm playing is actually an enhanced version of the.. enhanced version, so it has all sorts of weird stuff. I haven't really read into it, as I want it to be a surprise. So, without further delay, let's jump in!





The menu! Also, a very ugly looking Giratina.




Hello, whoever the hell you are!


Good for you?


What? You didn't say anything about a stater!

Also, you better not be insulting Piplup, old man!



... Are you coming on to me?


I'm not hearing a no... Also, I'm not a bloody girl! Yet.

My original plan for this was to go with the guy, but.. look at him! He's got to be doofiest male main character in a Pokémon game yet. Which is really saying something. The girl also has a disturbingly large amount of leg showing for a 10 year old in winter, and the whole loli thing squicks me out something major, but at least she doesn't look like a dork. Let's go with her!



Okay, now I am. Shut up!


Can you seriously be that forgetful? Stupid old man..



I've been watching a lot of Unforgotten Realms lately, so let's go with this name! Sadly there isn't enough space to spell it the correct way, but it's good enough.


I so want to call him Mudkip, but one of my friends has already requested a name for this little annoying bastard, and so he shall be dubbed..



And thus, a legend is born!


O.. kay? No need to yell, you know.


Well it didn't take long for the game to become self-aware.






If you think it's weird for a 10 year old to watch this movie, then you're going to be in for a shock for what they're apparently allowed to do later on, believe me.


AHHH! What the hell are doing in my room?!


Um... Hi?


Minding my own business, unlike somebody else.


But I'm in the attic..? Also you still haven't answered why you're he-



Calm down, you spaz!


In my room, now get the hell out!


We're doing who with the what now?

And then he just bolts out of the room. Sigh.. Well, better go see what all this is about.



Mother!


You dragged me all the way over here to say that?! W.. Who would even say something like that anyway? And what button?!


O..kay?


No sooner do I walk out the door that I'm assaulted by this crazy lady.


Indeed. Also, why are you interviewing a random 10 year old?


Is whore an option?


I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING YET.


I'm just going to back away slowly now..




Seriously, who in their right mind would let 10 YEAR OLDS out into a world like that?

Screw it, let's try and find out where that spazzy kid went..



Bullshit! He's going to get a goddamn Metagross later? HAX!


Oh, shut up.


Let's see what Ritalin has on his computer. Maybe he'll have a Potion, or..


Huh. Well that explains a lot.


No, I'm trying to avoid the hyperactive bastard right now.


Crap!


Well, I rather not. You see The Dark Knight is on right now, and..


No, I don't want to jump into the grass because there's a perfectly good chance an animal will jump out and peck my bloody face off, you twat. Have you seen what a Charizard or Gyarados can do to a person?! I'm not going to lie, the results are pretty damn messed up.



No, I'm just going to stand here and laugh as you get torn to shreds.


Your now increasingly short life is entirely without merit.


Damn it! Why'd you stop him? Where are you anywa-


AHHHH! Don't do that!


Um, I'm a girl. I know this is a Japanese game, but it's not that hard to notice..


Ahh, studied at the Squall School For Character Dialogue, eh?


Honestly, I really don't care. You see, Batman's on the TV and I want to go-


Well, yeah. I mean it's in a Pokéball, right? They aren't that heavy and-


...


...


Is Chris Hansen going to jump out if I say yes? Also I'm down here, you old fart.


Oh god, don't encourage him..



I completely agree. So let's just forget the whole thing so I can go watch-


What.


Oh, I just bet you are.


Um.. o.. obviously?


AHH! What's with people sneaking up on me today?!


But you don't have a briefcase with y-


...


At least Lucas also agrees that a magically appearing suitcase is freaking weird.


Oooh, is it a Mewtwo? How about a Tyranitar? Or a.. um.. Wurmple!


You're really creepy, you know that?


Really... goddamn... creepy...


What, with all these people watching?


Would it be impolite of me if I kicked you in the Bidoof and then ran like hell?


Apparently so..


GIMME!


I'd show you all of them, but everyone knows Piplup is the best.


Your disturbing metal dildo has nothing on the awesomeness of Piplup, you donk!


But I thought I was getting a Piplup...?


Gible's cool and all, but where's my Piplu-


Don't just shove a Pokéball into my hand and then run! Where's my bloody Piplup?!


Oh, he is scary. Just in a completely different way.


All I wanted was Batman..


But beating the crap out of you will also work!


Prepare to die, fool!


Use tackle, you adorable little land shark.. thing!


WHAT.


HAX!


OF COURSE IT ISN'T. I'M FIGHTING A STEEL TYPE WITH GODDAMN TACKLE!


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-


-UCK!


BECAUSE YOU'RE A FILTHY CHEATING BASTARD!


I WILL GET REVENGE AND DESTROY YOUR VERY SOUL!


NOT AS FUN AS IT WILL BE TO CRUSH YOUR BRAINS BENEATH MY FOOT, YOU BARBANTUOUS COCK!


I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU EVER STEPPED INTO MY LIFE, MAGGOT!


...


I WILL SHIT ON YOU!!!


I just.. wanted.. to watch.. Batman.


I'm sure somebody's written a fanfic about it somewhere.


Oh, I'll thank him, alright. Just let me go get my knife..


Oh, Christ, not you again.


Then piss off, you worthless wankstain on the tissue that is life.


HA! Not bloody likely.


I will laugh for a week straight when I kill you.


FUCK OFF!