Working as Intended

And so we merrily move away from the starting little jaunt in the game and transition over to the stronger stuff.  I've always been a big fan of X's start, especially in comparison to other titles in the series. The juxtaposition and culture shock from moving from Zanarkand to Spira is very well realized, in particular when it comes to the music. Events and characters come and go so rapidly that it helps the player relate to Tidus' confusion in this new world all the more. Or that might be pure fanwanking on my part. Which is more than likely.

In case case, the game's got a pretty darn solid start, in my opinion. Let's see if it keeps this up~!









I'd hate to break to you, old school Final Fantasy fans reading this, but there's no World Map in X. Just a series of realized locations that you can run to and from. As someone who has a piss-poor sense of direction, and hates getting lost on the way to shiny things, world maps can kindly go suck a big one!




Oh well, at least the view is very sceni-






FINE TAKE THE CAMERA JEEZ! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!




Uh-oh, Tidus, you've been busted stalking! Quickly, cheese it!




Thank you, Man Shadily Hiding Behind a Plant Downstairs For Some Reason.




HEY! I... Yeah, yeah you're right. It is a pretty dorky get up, isn't it?




Hey, nuts to you.




Ohohoho, I see how it is! Insult me by saying I'm poor, and then try and trick me into giving you gil under the guise of 'proving you wrong'. Oh, sir, you'll have to be craftier than that. Now, good day!




ZOUNDS! LIKE, IT'S THE HORSEBIRD MONSTER, SCOOB'!




Kweh~!




This is the first of many times Tidus will be flat-out insulted in this chapter.




Well, you've really only been on this trip for... two days, so I'm guessing it's not that much of a stretch.




Mwahahahaha! Yet another victory for the ambitious young schemer!




FINE THEN ; ;




I think Yuna's gonna need to sit down after all the painful kissing of her arse these people are doing.




No, I'm sure they've only been constantly praising the man for the past few hours because he was a real obscure dick.




... wut

You're making no sense, Wakka! I'm leaving!




I know when I'm not wanted!

... Is it now? It's now, isn't it?




Oh, do I sense in incoming Important Moment off the bow?




No, apparently not.




"No, I'm a Zanarkand Blitzball from Player. But I can see where the confusion came from."




In Wakka's defense, the giant pile of rubble where the city once stood is a mighty convincing counter-point.




"You can get both booze and cheap whores for just 15 gil!"




Yes, that'd be where they play the night games.




TELL ME UR SECRTS!!




DUN DUN DUNNNNN




Given the camera angle, I really want to make a 'talking out of his arse' comment, but he's correct, so.. bugger!






Are you positive he died, and didn't just go, "Fuck this noise, I'm outta here"?




How the hell did you get an exact date out of 'ten years ago'? Is it your freaky demonic cult powers?!




Well, seeing as you're here, we know it's easily possible, dumb-dumb.




See? Even little Miss Mary-Sue over here figured that out.




"Haha! Gotcha on that point, asshole!"




SUDDENLY!




I believe this is what the ancient philosophers once referred to as an Oh Shit Moment.




MAN THE HARPOONS!




Yeah, that's probably not a very smart idea.




Honestly, I don't think two dinky little harpoons are going to deter a giant monster capable of ruining entire metropolises in an instant. But, sure, why they hell not? Fire your stupid harpoons. The only thing it could possibly do is MURDER EVERYONE.




I'm going to kill that stupid NPC if I ever get the chance...




Boss fight time~! The trick to this one is that the only way to end the battle is to wipe out the giant fin, which can only be done with ranged attacks. Sin constantly respawns three little buggers when you kill them all, so if you want an easy way to farm some Sphere Grid Levels (not that it's ever required), then this is a mindless place to get some!

If, however, you have better things to do, you can just summon Valefor and have her blow shit up real good.




PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!




And now all is well~!

As long as you ignore the fact that Sin has broken free and is probably well on its way to Kilika now...






AHHHHHHHHHH IT'S A TRIPOD! I DON'T WANT TO BE VAPORIZED ; ;





This battle, like most early ones once more, is pretty simple. Blind the silly thing with Wakka's Dark Shot and then just attack away, using the occasional Potion. You can kill the little guys, but more swim along pretty quickly, so it's a mostly futile endeavour.




Yeah, that'll learn ya!

Incidentally, weren't we meant to be rushing to some place in a particular hurry now?




Oh, right...







I could make fun of it, but that seems like a sort of jerk-ish thing to do.

At least for the next 5 seconds.




"Now bring me your finest wenches and ale!"




Hopefully that involves giving that NPC from before a swift kick up the hole and telling him to piss off.




Forsooth! The vile curs!




Well... I think it's safe to say there isn't much of Kilika to explore.




Hey, just like me with Disc 3 of Final Fantasy VIII.




I think this is the only time that any character actually refers to Tidus by name.




Yes. The mother of all keggers!




Hah!




If this turns into a John Edwards thing, I'm going to scream and turn the game off.




I imagine most of the griefed out there then are people who died on the toilet, going "The fuck what that all about?!"




Hate leads to suffering! [/yoda]




So the sending is sort of like a bus trip then?




"No, the janitors come by at 10pm to clean the souls off the floor... HELLO, MCFLY!"




Incoming show-stopping FMV in 3... 2....








You think that's horrifying? Just wait until she starts up in X-2!




500 million rabid cosplayers around the world would beg to differ on that.




~ The Next Day~




Great line, or greatest line?




Ah, thank you, messenger boy!

But before we get to that...




Don't mind me, peeps, just stealing the last of your possessions! Lalalalala~




Not going to pray for those who were lost yesterday? Or for the well-being of those who survived? Jerk!




Well, hot-dog.




This is a perfectly legitimate question that needs to be answered.




YES.





Only for it to be replaced with the pain and suffering of Blitzball. Or mine having to play the silly thing!




DUDE PERSONAL SPACE AHHHHH!




Kick it!




IT'S FOR THAT CULT SACRIFICE ISN'T IT?!




Uh, not that I have anything against ol' Teedus, but... don't you have enough guardians already?




Hey! :(




I've saved your arse more than a few times, mister!




Le gasp!




Best Wakka expression ever.




Thank you, Lulu. Let's move things along, shall we?




Hahaha




Mo' liek Lord of the DORK.

...

Oh, shut up!




And valour is the better part of get out of the way I'm killing that stupid thing.




This fight is entirely optional, but it's worth doing anywho. The Ochu can really only do three things; use a Poison attack, fall asleep (puts it into Sleep/Regen mode) and Earthquake, which it does when someone wakes the poor thing up. Lulu's Fire spell goes a very long way in this battle.




Piece of cake~ Let's see what's next.




"People once walked up and down them. I shit you not!"




IF YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU MARRY HIM




Well that was awfully sudden!




CHAERG!!!




Yet another boss battle! Killing the two tentacle thingys that surround your party is definitely recommended before you assault the Sinspawn itself. After that, it's the usual case of stabby, stabby, heal, stabby, burn, stabby, win!




*fwoooosh*




That's an understatement.




Right, so who wants to wear the Exposition Hat for this round?




So Sinspawn are creatures that spawn off Sin. How... appropriately blunt.




For some reason I've got the mental image of Sin parking a SUV and going, "HAVE FUN WHILE I'M GONE, DUMPLINGS! I'LL PICK YOU UP AFTER SCHOOL!"




No. All those monsters attacking the city just came along on the holiday package tour.




A good point.




Oh, here we go...





So all those corpses that are left behind after every attack are just for decoration? That's stupid. Stop being stupid!




Also, this.





Ouch...




What? You're not done yet?




Lulu enjoys crushing everyone's spirits. She's kind of bitter and cool like that.




Yuna rightfully runs, lest Lulu's rage be turned on her.




YA DON'T SAY




And so we're brought to our next temple~ Huzzahs!




Ah, it must be the welcoming committee!




Or... not.




Cocky little jerks, aint they? Though, in fairness, the Aurochs do suck a big failure popsicle.

Or a flopsicle, as it were.




Wakka takes it all in remarkably good stride, however.




The Goers? Mo' liek the GONERS.

... It hasn't been a good day for me. Shush!




Inside the temple, we meet a new face. Given the current track record, what's the bet they'll be giant pricks?




WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

Eeugh.




That's not very nice!




It seems Barthello is in desperate need of some laxatives, the poor fellow. Or maybe the prerequisite of being with Dona is having a giant stick lodged firmly up the hindquarters?




Which means the entirety of Spira will be Yuna's guardians by the end of the game.




Translation; "Back off, biyatch! Don't make me go upside your head..."




Yeah, you better run!




At least buy it dinner first.





That's almost half as long as waiting for an NM spawn in FFXI!




Well... I guess I've got some time to kill.

Dum-dee-dum~




Probably off snorting a kilo now, why?




I NEED AN ADULT!




Well, Tidus, old friend, I guess you're breaking the rules again, because Dona is a complete bitch.




The Cloister of Trials here is a touch more complicated than the one in Besaid. Mostly it just involves putting the right fire-filled sphere in the right indent again, but then having to take it out/otherwise cancel its effects in order to proceed, once it's done its thang.




Oh, and the Destruction Sphere is kinda tricky to get, but no major hassles!

Yet...




Yeah, Tidus is kinda sucky at the whole 'avoid breaking the religious taboo' shtick.

Also, throughout this entire scene there's a male voice singing the tune that played during the Sending FMV before. I thought I could get away without mentioning this, but then someone below just had to point out something important about it!



*facepalm*




The Land of Chocolate~!




Or the fayth. Either one's good.




And that, dear children, is where Aeons come from!

At least, until a more detailed explanation comes along.




Speaking of..




"I needed to go pot-pot real bad!"




DUN DUN DUNN?




Well, Tidus, I suggest you head onto the nearest forum and loudly proclaim your newest connection theory. It's all the rage these days, I hear.




Well maybe if you took the words out for a nice dinner every now and again they'd be a bit more receptive!




If only because I feel like referencing my VIII trek~!




Well that went pretty well. Yuna got an Aeon, and Tidus didn't get executed for breaking religious law. All in all a good day's work. Go team!




See that guy way in the background? This might seem rather stupid, but he actually appears constantly throughout the game, as a wacky brick-joke, of sorts. I won't constantly point him out, but I just thought it was/is/will be something neat.




Right, now that's that out of the way, let's get back to the drama.




Mexican wave~!




Or that. That's also an option, I suppose...




And so he does! Scaring the ever-loving crap out of everyone nearby. That's the spirit!




Hooray!




Man, we're cutting it a bit close then aren't we? Especially since anything could happen out on the waves? Like, I dunno, a giant sea demon attacking us yet again!?

Just food for thought, y'know.



Whatever. We out!




Ah, it's quite the peaceful night, isn't it?




RACK OFF, YOU SHYSTER!




The man who just came over to say 'What up'. What's your deal?





Hah!




Yuna Defense Force, assemble!




Hahaha! I like you, Bickson.

However, since you're on the Goers, I'm going to have to rename you Dickson. I hope you understand.




Yeah, suddenly screaming that he's from a bunch of ruins... That'll show those Goers guys what's what!

I'm gonna go somewhere less... um... insane.




I wonder what Lulu and Wakka are up to? Those crazy kids!




"Haha! So much for being a Newbie. Score!"




"whats that supposed to mean wakka :( "




Surprisingly mature of Wakka to say th-




Curses! Beaten to the joke.




Well, that was a bit of a bust. Hopefully this Blitzball will provide us with much-needed entertainment?




Well, Jecht is a form of entertainment. Good enough, says I.




This little mini-game just involves pressing X and a certain directional button when a prompt (Jecht saying silly and taunting things) appears on screen. You can fail this little bit, which will result in Tidus looking like a complete idiot. However, I'm going to need the Jecht Shot for the next entry, so here goes nothing...




POW!




"NOOOO IT WAS TOTALLY MY OWN CREATION! MINE! MIIIIIIINE"




That must've been one hell of a busy day for him.

10:00am - Wake up in a completely unknown world, surrounded by alien people and sights.
11:00am - Meet Braska, befriend him and then agree to go save the world from a giant demon whale thing.
12:45pm - Lunch time, followed by the customary bear punching hour regimen.
1:45pm - Meet Braska's daughter, tell her about Zanarkand and then show off the Jecht Shot.
2:00pm - World saving time!
2:04pm - Remember to TiVo rerun of Friends.




That's the greatest name for anything I've ever heard!




How the hell would she know?

Oh, right, crazy demonic cult powers.




That about sums up the conversation.




Yes, sweetie, we already know this.




It'd be funny if, despite the entire implied goose-chase going on here, it turned out that the Jecht Yuna knew and Tidus' father were two entirely separate characters. But that'd mean there'd have to be two people in the world with the same name. And we can't have that!




Ohhhhh, cockblocked! Sorry, man. Better luck next time.




Yes, I imagine the whole apparently being dead thing kind of puts a kink in that.


DUN! DUN! DUN!

Well, that's it for now~

See ya next time!