Working as Intended

Everytime I play through FFX (which I think must've been at least 9 times over the past decade) I keep on forgetting just how darn long the Luca sequence can be. Not that it's a bad thing, as lots of interesting stuff occurs, but since I'm trying to screencap it now it means I have to pick images carefully! I really only have one rule for myself when it comes to uploading pics for these entries, which is that it must be below a total of 200 images (If only because anything above takes too long, and I'm a lazy bastard). This entry clocks in at 196, which is by far the largest I've ever done.

That said, it's always fun to make these, so let's see what Yuna and her wacky entourage are up to~












Huh. I didn't know a religion could sponsor a sporting event.

Also, for all the FF music buffs out there, small snippets from the songs Rufus' Welcoming Ceremony (VII) and Queen Brahne Appears (IX) are in the music for the FMV. The More You Know~!




At least all the way from what remains of Kilika.




"A group so wretchedly hiedous that our editors have decided to black them out!"




HEY! :(




What? But Wakka said they only hadn't won in ten years. Goddamn it, Jamaican Bender, what else are you hiding?!




And one of them seems to be in the process of having an aneurysm.




MORE LIKE PUKA BUTTGOERS

Yes, I can be petty!




They've got the POWAAAAAAAAAAH!!




Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Tidus can take these sorts of things in remarkably good stri--






OH JOY OF JOYS!

Who the hell is Maester Mika?




Yes. These need to be answered.

Except Mika, who I assume is a person of some variety.




I looked up the word Maester in many dictionaries and it came up with no responses. So I'm just going to believe that Maester means 'World's Strongest Millionaire', for all the excitement that they seem to generate.




Sure. Why the hell not?




The big cheese! The main man! The head honcho! The huge enchilada! I could go on...




I think it's safe to say that this is meant to be an Important Deal.




Oh, so Mika's not here? Well, that sucks. Go back to your lives, people!




OH GOD WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR HAIR?!

Also, your face. Those veins don't do you much good, mister.




"Free hookers and blow. Wooooo, go Yevon!"




I'm sure there's absolutely nothing suspicious about that at all.




Damn it, Wakka! I'm not joining your creepy little cult!



Yup. Seymour is totally evil.




Wakka is completely oblivious to Cyborg Seymour's powers.




That's.. an awfully short championship, isn't it?

Not that I'm complaining.




"Once again, a baby is not an acceptable substitute for a Blitzball!"




Count yourselves lucky I don't subject you to everything mentioned, because it takes hours. The gist is that Squeenix loves their RPG mechanics and numbers, so Blitzball is entirely stat-based. Often arbitrarily so. Passing the ball, tackling, shooting, ect, are all done by numbers, rather then aiming or anything. So it's more like managing a Blitzball team, rather then playing.

Also, I friggin' suck at it, so that's why I hate it. It does have its upsides though, but we'll get to that later.




Yeah, that's about the meat of it.




I've been here the entire time. YOU CAN'T PROVE I DID ANYTHING!




Hot damn! I was wondering where that bastard got to.




"No, I meant Jeeves, the plucky young upstart from lower Sussex--OF COURSE AURON, YOU TWIT!"




Yeah, it would be such a shame if I missed it.




Don't worry. With Tidus, it's always quick!




Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Nah, I'm sure they must mean something like his face or--




OH GOD




Is.. Is he having a baby or something?

This is stupid.




Thankfully for my sanity, I'm not alone in this.

Let's move on, shall we?




Good to know!




Don't get pushy with me, sister!




Just outside, we meet some Al Bhed, who seem pretty legit.




Uh, Tidus? Didn't you learn anything? They can't understand you.




I don't even understand you half the time.




WHAT WERE WE JUST TALKING ABOUT?!




Piss off!




Right. Let's see if we can find Sir Auron?




Just don't log out or hit Disband Party and we'll be cool.




The /whistle emote also works.




You've seriously never heard of a whistle before, Yuna?

Well, I guess you did grow up on a podunk little island...




It's time for Professor Tidus' Lessons in Learning




HAWT




Or just yell out, "I'M OVER HERE, YOU IDIOT!" Both are perfectly acceptable.




I hope Yuna has a particular type of whistle, otherwise Tidus is going to die of exhaustion at a concert.




"... or Wakka's junk."




Yes, I imagine a giant killer demon whale kind of puts a damper on the real estate market.




No, it's just got the largest supply of cheap vodka in southern Spira.




So everyone just lives here because of Blitzball?




That's the most depressing thing I've ever head. Their job sucks!

"Men! You might forfeit your lives. Maybe even your families lives. But no matter what happens, you better keep that giant damn bubble that people throw balls in intact NO MATTER WHAT GODDAMN IT!"




That's the second most depressing thing I've heard.




And quickly!




Wait, wait wait... You think this--!



WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR HAIR?!




Is dreamy? Well, all the more power to you, I guess.

Freak.




Well, nerts.

Got my hopes up for nothing.




Oh well, at least Kimahri found someone~




Ah, childhood friends...




Is that a euphemism?




That seems stupid!




Kimahri, however, suffers a brain-fart.




Despite the bar brawl, everybody's focused on Maester Mika. Being the world strongest millionaire will have that effect.




So this tournament has something other than Blitzball as well?




Swearing, heckling and throwing beer bottles?




Well, let's get this silly thing underway!




It's the battle of the century! The Team That Sucks vs The Team I Don't Know!




Wait what?! When did that happen?




Uhhhh, when did this happen again exactly? I was only looking at the TV for about a minute!




Oh. Well no harm done then.




Exactly. This is the most pointless hostage situation ever. It's like kidnapping someone and saying you won't return them until an obese man eats a hamburger. It's gonna friggin' happen anyway!

Also, wouldn't this get them disqualified? I mean, they announced it to some capacity, so the higher authorities would know. And the Al Bhed don't seem to really jive well with the Yevonites.




Convenient knowledge. Let's mosey!




Seems less like they want the Aurochs to lose and more they just want Yuna. HMMMMMMMM

Well, in any case, I'm sure Wakka's doing better then the rest of us.




Ooooh, maybe not...




That's more then I wanted to know about Wakka and Lulu's personal time.




I'll say...




But no time to worry about personal bed troubles, we've got a boat to catch!




YARRRRR WE BE-A PLUNDERIN' AND TAKIN' THIS HERE VESSEL!




AHHHHH I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT BACK




This boss battle is kind of weird, as the course of action actually involves not hitting the boss. It counters every physical attack with a Blind-inducing one, and every spell with a Silence-inducing one. Instead, you have to make Lulu cast Thunder on the nearby crane until it powers up and Tidus can use it.




Not so tough now, are ya?! Punk..




VICTORY!




I'm guessing Yuna didn't summon Valefor or Ifrit, as there'd probably be no ship left.




"They forced me into slave labour for a while, and punched me in the gut. It was pretty cool!"




It sailed to Bevelle, where they immediately lost it in a mean game of Blackjack. Them's the breaks, sadly.




"No, but from what I can tell there was a man named HMPH GRUMPH SMPH HMMPH on board."




He's too busy building kickass airships!

He's a Cid. It's what they do.




No, Cid just joined the Al Bhed for the fast whores and cheap boats.




Well Braska didn't strike me as the Al Bhed type, seeing as how Yevon actually respects him and all.




Soooooo Tidus should probably cancel his text then, huh?

"omg hiiii wakka guess wut yuna is!!! it rhyms with al and ends with bed kk ttyl ;)
ps: we still goin for burgers after te gaem rite??""




Something we'll hear about constantly, believe me.




DURRR




No, actually, what Tidus meant was that he has to tell Wakka that Yuna's now safe. Which means...




Wakka can put his Plan into motion!

Whatever it may be.




HOORAY!




Sheesh! Wakka must be pretty darn lousy in bed then...




Oh, Tidus, what have you done, you fool?




ABORT! ABORT!




Tidus, when someone tells you to clam it, that generally isn't a sign to continue talking about it. Ever.




See what you've done? You've doomed us all, man!




I have to learn what Al Bhed is for "You're all a bunch of kidnapping dorks!"




Well, enough dilly-dallying, let's see how Wakka's holding up.




Oh, great, he's dead.




This is an excellent question. How the hell did that happen?




HAHA HOW AWKWARD




"I'm secretly a woman. Suck on that, Crying Game!"




Or that. That's shocking too, I suppose.




No, no, Wakka, that's okay. It's really not necessary.




Huh. So my terrible joke last entry is actually...




Stand out in the hallway while Wakka and Lulu presumably get it on?




Or stare into space, blankly. That works too.




Awww




O SNAP




Right. Let's get this shit on!




So, yeah, basically each character has their own little stat for the categories up in the corner. If other players are nearby, they can try to tackle the main player and steal the ball (EN), or grab the pass/shot (PA/SH) if their own numbers are high enough. If nothing else, they'll slow it down.

It's kinda lame. But that upside I was talking about is the Jecht Shot. As it can eliminate two nearby enemies before you take a crack at the goal. Like so...




*WHACK!*




POW!




HAHAHAHAHA




Swish!




BUT I JUST...

Fuck the audience!




Well, too bad! Wakka's dead.




"This blows. I'm out. Stupid Luca bias rassin' frassin' little..."




Okay, maybe I exaggerated about the whole dead thing.

Can Wakka help us win the match?




NOPE




Oh, so now you like to Aurochs, huh? Bandwagoners!




SUDDENLY!!




That's a very good question. I'm guessing the Goers are bitter and/or drunk, and thought it'd be hilarious to unleash ferocious Sahagins into the stadium. You know how those pranksters are~!




Aw yeah!




And then Auron just one-shots the stupid thing!




That's right. Everyone knows an awesome character when one shows up.




Uh... why wouldn't he? Braska and his guardians seem to be pretty well known in Spira, dummy.




Damn straight.




Fine, here's a Kit-Kat.




SUDDENLY! .... AGAIN




Maester Seymour summons a--




OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!




Well, shit, I want that on my team!




I.. guess so.

After that giant Aeon thing, this all seems a little anti-climatic.




Excellent, so you'll be on constant guard duty whenever we hit in Inn, then!




That's a pretty tall order for these guys.




Toodles~!




Yes, I'd love to know what the swiveling bum that was all about!




Oh, brilliant..






Well, goody gumdrops.




Let's see what's happening elsewhere, since we're not getting any answers from the Brain Trust back there.




"Well, nice to see you too, kid..."




Okay, Tidus is actually coming from a completely legit direction. Let's see where this goes.




"I'M BATMAN"




"I knew of him."




Yeah, that was probably a pointless question, given all the times he's mentioned Jecht before.




Search your feelings. You know it to be true!




Hah!




WUT

First Wakka, now you? Stop being silly!




"Not the brightest idea, I admit, but the rent control there is outstanding."




Auron has to make sure to note that none of this shit was his idea.




Ah, here we go!




He's a man of few words, that Auron. All of them vague.




DUN!




DUN!




DUNNNNNN!




Tidus takes the news rather well.




"... Dumbass."




Out of Context Theatre Presents~!




Yeah, probably not.




Also true.




I'd say Tidus is throwing a hissy-fit, but his feeling are pretty darn justified here (Unlike, say, Squall's "OMG PAST TENSE" shit-fit in VIII). A guy who he saw as a sort of mentor just one day goes, "Sin's here, we out!" when the beast is destroying his home, then he's thrown into a complete different world to basically fend for himself. I'd be pretty darn pissy too.




WHY DID YOU HAVE TO USE THAT ANGLE, GAME DIRECTOR?!




Ah, the big question!




So, that'd be a 'no' then.




Kinky!




Wakka's either impressed that Auron's appeared, or he's gotten into his little stash again.




"Oh, for.. Knock that stupid bowing crap out!"




Well, he's to the point, if nothing else.




You're goddamn right there's no problem.




Good to see Yuna had a choice in what her career would end up being.




"No, I promised an entirely different Braska. I'm just doing this for shits and giggles."




"Don't worry, he won't cost much. He can just eat the remains of whatever we kill."




o lawd




Again. Making sure he's not to blame for all the potential issues later on.




Oh boy, is this gonna be awkward...




Auron has two talking modes: Blunt and Whimsically Vague.




YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT LATER LOL




sadface :(




Hah.





You're right, that is embarrassing to say.




I've learnt it pays to have a very good gag reflex when dealing with sappy RPG scenes.

And... various other things I rather not discuss right now.




"What? Oh, sorry. I'm male. It happens."




IT BEGINS




Okay, if you honestly need to grip your face just to pretend to smile, then you're probably beyond any real help.




OH CHRIST HERE WE GO

Disclaimer: Before this scene begins, it's worth warning that the sheer levels of awkwardness that will expel out of your screen has been known to cause severe and often permanent psychological damage to you and anyone who walks into the room without knowing the context of the following.

You have been warned.

Also, since everyone has seen the scene in English, we're going to watch it in Japanese. It's to learn three things!

1) James Arnold Taylor and Hedy Burress did a spot-on job emulating the Japanese track.
2) The problem is the scene itself.
3) Confusion and horror knows no language or cultural boundries.




It sounds like Gilbert Gottfried and a crow burst into the office suddenly to have a cackling contest!

All joking aside, the scene isn't anywhere near as bad as the Internet likes to make it out (they have a habit of doing that). Especially given the context. The reaction from the characters points out that awkwardness is kind of the point. It's to show that you just need to laugh and not let things get to you, especially after the stuff Tidus just learnt shortly beforehand.

Both characters have a lot on their shoulders, for different reasons, and... well, yeah. Not to say the scene is brilliant or anything (it has levels of awkward so high that you'll wish your PS2 had an ejection button on it when someone walks into the room), but it makes sense. And it's pretty cute and a nice character moment between Tidus/Yuna if you take it for what it is.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, that's the end of the really long Luca section. I'll see you wacky chappys again!