Working as Intended

Another entry, another giant chunk of FFX to run through~

We're still technically in the opening hours of the game, so I'll refrain from doing my usual Current Thoughts thingy until that section's behind us. But as a quick blurb, the game still holds up remarkably well, given it's now pretty much been out for a decade.

And now I just made myself feel extremely old...











Well, it's nice to see that Tidus' day certainly hasn't improved since we last saw him.




"Hey, cap'n, is that a corpse out there? Oh, oh! Can I get the stick? Pleeeease!"




Ah, so the nonsensical sport exists here too. Yay...




"I will be once the drugs wear off. This is some powerful stuff, maaaaaaan!"




"LISTEEEEEEEEEN!!"




I think Wakka's been having his fair share of the peace pipe as well, y'know?

He (and another character later) is voiced by John Di Maggio. So Wakka often sounds like a Jamaican version of Bender. This is very awesome.




Before we go greet the group, it's best to grab this little item. Especially since I'm stupid I'd forget about it otherwise.




Right, let's go meet the little group of stoners on the beach. No doubt playing a rousing game of hacky-sack!




Tidus finally finds a group of people as dorkily dressed as himself. Things might be looking up!




Now, Tidus, do you remember the one thing Rikku asked you not to say?




Shouldn't be too hard to forget, surel--




ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?




"Oh, crap! Gotta think of something better, quick! Uh..."




That's an even less likely name for a team!




Well, at least he remembered something that Rikku was going on about.




Exactly! No way we're lying or anything. No, siree, bob!




Brilliant observation.




OH GOD CULTISTS! I DONT WANT TO BE SACRIFICED




Oh, Jamaican!Bender, you so crazy with your lingo!




The devil take this predictable stomach!




Hurray for food!




You trust him after all of 30 seconds?




"No. That's a complete fabrication being spread by Al Bhed heathens! It was destroyed 999 years ago!"





Sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me.




Well, okay... except that bit.




So millions of people had to die because cell phones were getting more and more teeny-tiny and advanced?

Lame!




Hahaha, Tidus is a goofball.




It'd be funny if they were, and it was all part of this giant conspiracy to dupe tourists into believing the weirdest stuff.




This screenshot serves no purpose. I just think it's amusing!




Like the arse-shots and cult bows, there will be many, many occurrences of Wakka manhandling Tidus.

.... I don't know why! Don't look at me.




Or be flung another 1,000 years into the future.

But maybe time is cyclical, so you'd eventually end up back where you were. Just in time to see your home get completely destroyed by Sin and its spawn. .... Why do you want to go back again, exactly?




Protip: He doesn't hold this promise for terribly long.




Anyway, enough crapping about! Let's see what this village and its food is like~




HEY AHHHHH




That's an excellent question. What's your deal, Jamaican Bender?!




Apparently the only way to the village involves swimming through a nearby river.

A touch inconvenient, but it does hold treasure, so who am I to judge?




AHHHHHHHHHH BAD TOUCH!!




Yes. He wants you to join his 'team'.

Wink.




Why hasn't Sin blown up the stupid Blitzball stadium yet then? Some fear-inspiring monster he is. Slacker!




If your team becomes a noticeable improvement by hiring someone you've known for 5 minutes, it's probably beyond hope.




Why are the only things the two have in common designed to caused pain and misery? That's just unfair!




Well, at least we're out of the stupid water~




Considering most Blitzball teams consist of people in their 20-30's... wouldn't that be a bit young?

Ah, child labour. It knows no boundaries!




So the team hasn't won ever since you joined. COINCIDENCE??




"That's not the only thing I want to go out with a bang ;) "






Are you going to sacrifice me to your tick overlord if I don't?




I imagine he wouldn't, due to the whole 'barely knowing you' thing.




I'm willing to bet a large sum that it'll be the stupid bow/hand motion nonsense.




Told ya~!




NO THAT'S NOT A BOW TIDUS THAT'S PRETENDING YOU'RE A PLANE

*Neeeooowm~*




Oh, I'll go present myself, alright!




But first, lets see what that whole Crusaders thing is all about.




"Hi. Yes. And how the hell should I know?"




"YES. I AM SIN. RAWR!!"




And nothing of value would be lost!




You and me both, buddy.




Well they've been doing a pretty shit job at it then!




Dude, I just wanted to know what the Crusaders were. I don't need a shameless advertisement!




Yeah, I'm just going to leave now...




Hopefully this place is a little livelier.




"... I realized I left my wallet at home!"




For one, Tidus' world didn't have giant statues of inexplicably nearly naked women.




Cool beans.




A summoner who gets too close to Wakka's stash.




I wonder if that excuse holds up in Spiran court? You could commit a crime, and then get off Scott-free because it was Sin's toxins playing with your mind. It's probably their equivalent to the Insanity Plea...




Huh. That's my exact feelings about all of this.




AKA: Summons, Espers, Eidolons, Avatars, Totema, Guardian Force, ect, ect.



Well, while the priest if off being expository and fascinating, let's see what else in this place?




Ah, I see the Final Fantasy XIV community meeting has reached an all-time record attendance!




Well, that place was a bit of a bust. Let's see what cap'n Wakka is up to, shall we?




I WAS PROMISED DELICIOUS TREATS. THIS SIMPLY WILL NOT STAND!




I think Tidus has been rendered unconscious enough times in this game already.

But, eh, what's one more?




Suddenly, a random old guy waltzes in!




Into Tidus' dreams we go! So.. it's a dream, in a flashback?

Eh, fair enough.




What? The plot?




Y'see Tidus doesn't like his father! I feel I have to point this out, as the game is very subtle about it.

Hey, stop laughing!




Yes, that's the sort of attitude you should be encouraging your 8-year old son to have. What is wrong with you?




Well, that was an interesting little jaunt into Dreamland. Now where the heck is that lunch?




Back to the temple we go~!




That's great, dude. Where's the food?

You didn't get a mega case of the munchies did you? You can be honest with me.




Basically, it's a puzzle room.




I remember no such thing!




The later ones will be to any sense of sanity I have remaining, yes.




Eh, no big. They've got a whole Pez dispenser full of 'em around back.




"OR I SHALL SMITE YOU WHERE YOU STAND. ALL GLORY TO THE GIANT TICK!"




Ah, that Tidus. Always showing respect for religious and cultural differences.



No. You think?




The Cloister of Trials, as I mentioned a little bit ago, are basically puzzles you get to do at every temple throughout the game. The gist is that you have to put certain spheres into certain indents on the wall to open the way to the final chamber, where the Aeon is. As the game goes on these little things can get surprisingly complex and time-consuming. All-in-all they're good fun, though.




Oh, and if you use a Destruction Sphere properly at each temple, you'll get something supremely awesome later on!




Uh-oh! Busted!




What about janitors? Somebody's gotta clean this thing up occasionally, surely?




I really want to make a terrible Scott Pilgrim joke here, but I'll forcefully decline.

Barely.




Yes, I kind of gathered as much from the title.




I smell Sitcom~!




.... Maybe?




"I'm Gustilo Queveno, I clean the spheres here. I also cook a mean carbonara!"




SUDDENLY!




Jubilations!




"Hey! You said she wouldn't make it out alive. You owe me five bucks!"
"Shut up, you know I'm good for it!"




You never know, Tidus, Yuna might be a 75 year old man. It's happened before!




Ahhh! What's with all the man-handling in this section?




Oh well, no time to worry about that. We've got shinies going on!




OH GOD INCOMING MISSILE!




I love the "Who the flying arse are you?!" expression of Valefor's face.




Because every game needs someone named Barry.

And I'm well aware Valefor is female. This only adds to the pointless amusement I get!




Awwww~




So.. the past few nights you've experienced changed nothing then? I'd think they'd be a pretty big deal, myself!




Ah, apparently the 'Hey, let's actually try to win, bros!' philosophy is finally started to take hold.




OUT OF THE WAY, YOU LITTLE DEMON, OR SHALL CAST A POX ON YOUR FAMILY




"I've heard he's been known to spew out fire and devour babies!"




.... WHA?




I'm Hungry. Pleased to meet you.





... This is starting to sound like awkward after-sex talk. Let's change the subject!




That's better!

Also, what?




This the first I'm hearing about it!




Awesome! High-five! :D


D:




I don't recall ever mentioning that! Have you been skipping ahead in the script again, Yuna?!




Like Final Fantasy VII, there's an amusing little Affection system that takes place as the game goes on. While it sadly doesn't accumulate in the possibility of Barret appearing and wanting to go on a date, like in VII, it does alter some scenes greatly. Oddly though, the Affection system doesn't seem to be really romantically based, but more of a close friendship thing.

Well, at least some of the time.




dun wry, its k

Right, time to hit the sack then! Busy day tomorrow and all that jazz.




"Mmrmrphmrmrm, but mommy, I don't want to mrmmmmmrmrrm pink, frilly... rmrmmmrrrmrmrm..."




No, wait, he dreaming about Jecht being awesome. Disregard.




Yeah, Jecht's a pimp.




That's no way to talk to your privates, Tidus! No wonder you had that awkward moment with Yuna!




I smell a whimsical conversation happening outside~




Given the number of belts on display, I bet Tetsuya Nomura was practically salivating while designing Lulu's outfit.




"Your mother, now go to bed and quit spying on people!"




Please don't say that. We're going to have enough problems in FFX-2 as it stands!




"No, he became a wandering minstrel, and currently delights the hearts and minds of childre-WHAT DO YOU THINK?!"



I can't make fun of this without being a jerk. So let's just sit in uncomfortable silence for a bit.




Wow, that must've been one hell of a message. "Cap'n Wakka! Your team is all set for the big game, the stadium is crowded with fans, the sphere pool is ready, your brother died in a horrific accident with Sin, the officials are now taking their seats..."




And on that rather sombre note, everyone falls asleep.

It's nice to see Wakka actually get some decent development, however, and not just be another comedic foil.




"Ohhhhh, my head stings so badly... How much did I drink? W.. What's this? 'For a good time, call...'!?"




It's not my fault this crazy world of yours doesn't have alarm clocks yet!




Oooooh, shiny!








Oh, so you're saying that the sword gets around then, huh?




Phew! For a second I thought this might've been cursed or something....




I... didn't really ask, but okey-dokey!




Awww~




It'd be pretty funny if the journey took about five times longer because Yuna insisted on dragging an obnoxiously heavy suitcase around constantly. She could use it to smash enemies over the head!






Toodles, Besaid~!





Eh, what's the worst that could happen?




Well, this path seems rather peaceful! I'm sure nothing bad will possibly happe-




Ah, crap.




Another somewhat interesting boss fight! It's mostly a very quick back-and-forth between Tidus and Blue Lion Dude, but as the battle goes on he starts to use Jump and hits a bit harder. It's certainly nothing strenuous, but using a Potion or two is definitely recommended.




Ohhhhh, teacher broke up the fight! Bummer!




WHAT IS HIS DEAL?




In other words, he's the Blue Mage of the group.

I can't tell if that's meant to be a pun or not.




Um... isn't having a giant freaky lion dude who you can't control, and never communicates, on the team a really stupid idea?




Are you sure you're not confusing 'protected' with 'constantly tried to devour'?




Anywho, we've got quite a run ahead of us yet!

Good lord is that purty.




There's a few tutorial battles along the way that explain some of the more advanced mechanics. Like how certain characters are suited to kill some mobs (eg: Wakka is best at killing flying mobs, Lulu's best with Flans, ect). You can switch in/out party members on the fly on any of your turns. Oh, and anyone who uses up a turn in battle (that isn't just switching out) gets equal share of the EXP after battle.

It's pretty funky.




Secondly, Yuna can summon Aeons, who replace the other two members of your party while they're out on the battlefield. They can Attack, cast magic, defend, cure, use incredibly powerful Overdrive attacks, and all that good stuff!

In all honesty, FFX probably has the best and most useful battle use for Summons in the entire series. Except maybe XI, in places.




But enough banter. We've got a boat to catch!




Yup. Time to blow this popsicle stand of an island and venture forth into the crazy world!




... Are the child's pants going all the way up to his chest?

Huh. Must be a Proto!Urkle, or something.




PEACE OUT Y'ALL!