Working as Intended

The end of the game is almost upon us now! I wish I had something more dramatic to go with, but there ya go. The flow of new revelations and moments keep at a constant here, so let's just skip all the wordy junk and leap right into the madness. Oh! Except that before you read this, I recommend the more easily confused amongst you take the proper precautions to make sure you head doesn't explode about 10 images in.

You have been warned.














Now that Smugmore, the World's Most Whimsical Mass Murderer has been silenced, it's time to continue~!




WHATEVER COULD IT BE????




Yeah, that's not creepy or morbid at all!




Yuna seems to be taking it in remarkably good stride, however.

Though she did have to kiss Seymour, so this is probably a piece of piss compared to that.




No, that's a pile of corpses embedded in a wall. I can see where the confusion would come from, however.

Also, just a random question here, no need to answer it right away, but WHY ARE THERE CORPSES IN THE WALL?!




It was Hank. He wanted a cheaper, yet faster Internet connection and... well, this seemed like the way to go!




Didn't you get the memo last entry Rikku? AURON IS A GROUCH WHO DOESN'T TELL PEOPLE SHIT




"We have yet to reach the requisite number of hours passed before this plot can be resolved. The mystery continues!"




Seeing as how Braska met the same fate, I think he's well aware of this, Rikku.




And then Tidus does something unbelievably clever and touches the Wall of Magic Corpses.




WHOOOSH!




Oh, great. You've reset the entire friggin' game. Now I have to go through it again. I hope you're happy, mister!




'sup, small ghostly child?




I think so.

You're the fat, paranoid, dead Yevon jerk, am I right?




And now Tidus knows how Yuna feels when she runs into one of her many stalkers.





Yeah, that was a stupid question.




I'll wake up whenever I darn well feel like it!







See? Simple.




NO TIDUS YOU ARE THE DREAMS!!

And then Tidus was a dream.

Also, WHAT?




Yeah, what the deuce, small child?!





There's about to be a war between my fist and your face if you don't explain what the hell!




So is the machina that Bevelle had still around in the city? Wouldn't that be rather obvious to all the Yevon followers residing there? Or did they get blown up and/or discarded after the war? Except for the one's away from the public eye, anyway.

Oh, stuff it, we've got bigger questions that need answering now!







Yes, that would be the logical course of action.

"War's getting bad. Hey, let's all go embed ourselves in some rock. That'll show those Bevellians what's what!"




PAY MORE ATTENTION PLEX TEEDUS




Derp.




Also apparently isn't destroyed by Sin. What the hell's up with that?

Did they just re-summon it? Like summoners do with their Aeons if they fall in battle? Guess that'd make sense...



Yeah, I have to agree, I think we need a better explanation than this, creepy child.




Yes, we've gathered that much. Your city's basically a giant Aeon. Gotcha.




We know what a city's comprised of already!





Or nightmares, depending on who you ask about each person.




They'll have the mother of all oversleeping hangovers!




Oh, and Zanarkand will vanish. That's bad too.




You have nobody to blame but yourselves!




NO YOU SLACKERS GET BACK TO WORK




Is that the Spiran equivalent to being touched by a priest? If so, ew!




The Spiral of Derp.




That's the big question, aint it?




"You're a real boy~!"




I'LL WAKE UP AFTER THIS CHILD EXPLAINS WHAT THE FRIG IS GOING ON




Or you could just stop summoning Zanarkand. Or is this a 'once you pop you can't stop' sort of deal?




And scene!

Okay, well that's by far the most WTF plot moment that FFX will throw our way, so... uh... yeah!

It's certainly more than a little odd, but I believe it gets explained a bit more in-depth later in one of the many side quests we'll be tackling. As for now, it seems to mostly make sense. The citizens of Zanarkand 1,000 years ago turned themselves into Fayth because they loved their city so gosh-darned much and basically recreated it somewhere else in Spira, where it acted like an Aeon, until Jecht!Sin appeared one day, blew it up and whisked Tidus away. Afterwards they re-summoned it so it was good as new and that's that.

At least I think so. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong.




"Yeah, just spiffy! Except for the PART WHERE I'M NOT TECHNICALLY REAL :( "




No, they're dreaming. Did you learn nothing from that extremely confusing and contrived cutscene?!




Or maybe the Bahamut Fayth was just trolling him, and Tidus knows it.

I'unno. Let's just get the hell away from here!




Running~!




Gagazet is nearly over and done with~

The only thing standing in the way are two little odd mini-game challenges that open up this weird staircase thingy that leads you to the exit. Y'know, standard dungeon time-lengthening crud.




Out of Context Theatre Presents~




Actually, what Lulu was referring to was that Tidus, Rikku and Wakka need to swim to another part of the cave and hit the silly glyph that's surrounded by rotating.... things. It's a cute little mini-game. There's a second task, but it's equally pointless in the overall scheme of things, so I won't bore you with it.

Because, you know, this one was clearly worth noting!





This place is hereby now known as the Cavern of Munchies.




Who? The solicitors?





Let's think about this. How many notable female figures do we know of that live in Zanarkand?




Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr




So only Lulu and Auron will make it then?




Yes. She's been living for the past 1,000 years off virgin sacrifices and goat's blood, Yuna.




In other words, not at all.




Yuna responds to this by promptly running back to Besaid. GAME OVER.




Except Seymour, I should hope.




"Just don't ruin it by dressing like a tramp who got attacked by a harvester after all of this is over."




TMI, Auron. TMI.




RAAAWR AND STUFF!!




Boss Battle~! Despite not being at the difficulty level of Seymour Flux or a certain later boss, Sanctuary Keeper can still be a royal pain in the arse if you don't keep his attacks in check. Photon Wings will put all sorts of nasty status effects on your party (including Curse, which stops you from using Overdrives). Tail Sweep will cancel the next turn of any characters hit, and he has Curaga, which heals for 9,999.

In short, Blind him, Dispel him, put Armour Break on and then just deal with the status effects as they come.




Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!




The boss wasn't that tough, Rikku. You did more against Smugmour and didn't care!




Ah, Auron. Sees right through bullshit and crushes any hope.





I do believe this is why Rikku's all ; ; right now, yes.




We sure have. Who would've thought this simple pilgrimage from a tropical island would've resulted in us being stalked by half the planet, discovering that the rulers of the world's major religion were completely off their rocker, and also dead. Then being hunted down by a smug son-of-a-bitch who feels killing everyone ever will save them from despair and loss somehow.

What is wrong with this world?!




It's time for Depressing Moments in History, with Sir Auron!




"What the fuck was up with that wall of corpses we just passed? Seriously!"




Call it what, specifically? I hope it isn't too rude...







No wonder he seems so grouchy sometimes.

I think he needs a hug!




Well... now that that super depressing and topical conversation is behind us, let's move onwards!




We're finally here!




NON!




DIE. DIE. DIE.

Sorry, someone had to say it.




"I'm on a journey to kill myself and gosh darn it, kill myself I will!"





This party didn't get to where it is by thinking things through, missy!

... Though, in retrospect, that would've been better.




And then Yuna drops something :O




Yeah


ON THE FARPLANE




It's a good thing Yuna or anyone didn't look behind them and notice the sphere, otherwise we couldn't take a peak.

Going through people's personal belongings is fun~!




"Oooooooooooooooh, shiny!"




So, yeah, this is Yuna's little obituary sphere to herself and the group. This is what she was doing during the sunset on the Mi'ihen Highroad, before Tidus interrupted her, in case the screenshots below didn't make that obvious or anything. Go, continuity!




"You were a blouse-wearer. I think you'll just have to stab him now!"





"I did no such thing! Kimahri just wanted to take you away from a large crowd so he could EAT YOU."




Apparently dropping dead in a few hours will just have to do! If he doesn't like that, well TOO BAD




Or someone has just gone through your possessions and is watching this before the fact.

But, wait, that would be invasion of privacy. Nobody would stoop that low!




Yuna's dismissiveness of her own death is actually rather disconcerting at times.



Idiot and awesome, respectively.




Just count yourself luck that Aeons don't need to be Junctioned then!




"Then Chappu suddenly left one day, abandoned Lulu and got himself killed. What the hell was that all about, right?"




This must've been Yuna during her rebellious teenager years.

Which, given Yuna's personality, probably just meant she lightly shook her head at both of them one time, walked out, then immediately ran back in and apologized 60 times.




Awwwwwwww~




You'd be the only one then.




HAWT!




After that, the sphere gets a little.... uh...  ahem...

Let's just run along, shall we?




Into the ruins we go...




Purty!






And this ends the 'flashback' portion of the game! We've now come full circle~




I ALREADY LISTENED TO IT ONCE I'M NOT GOING THROUGH ALL OF THAT AGAIN




I don't think campfire stories are really a medium that allows for Deleted Scenes. Nice stalling attempt, though.




Good. The story was already 25 goddamn hours long as it stands!





To Zanarkand!

We'll see what the ancient, and not at all insane, city ruins hold next time~

I can tell you what though, it totally won't be more revelations, boss fights and DRAMA!!