Working as Intended

We've just reached what is, in terms of total hours played, the half-way point in the story! While I'd normally now go on a really big spiel again about what I like, dislike and overall think of the game, the part we're about to go through is when the big story finally kicks in, so I might wait an entry or two before getting into it. I know, I know, hearing some random arsehole blab on about a decade old game is so thrilling that you simply cannot control yourselves, but I have faith in you. Fight the control, man!

Anywho, without further adieu, let's get back to where we left off, eh? Unless this is your first entry reading, in which case you apparently aren't very good with numbers. Boo!











Right then, chaps! Let's see what wacky adventures await us on... um.... wherever the hell we are?




Oh, right, a battle then is it? This shouldn't be too hard!




HOLY SHIT




YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES




As long as the answer is "The others are fine, except for Wakka, who got shoved up Sin's sphincter", I'm happy.




Then how in the world does anyone expect to find anyone else?! If you manage to find everyone while everyone is standing in one spot, then you're not exactly split up, are you?




That's because Auron is actually using his brain.

'Stay in one place'... Stop being silly, Lulu!




AH CRAP




Well, there goes the assassination plan I told the Al Bhed to spend several days plotting. Curses!




Score! All these treasure chests, and now mobs, drop Al Bhed Potions, which heal a few nasty status effects and give you 1,000 HP back for all party members. Only Rikku can use 'em, though, so this pretty much makes her the designated healer. And, technically, a better healer for now then Yuna would've been.




After some more obnoxiously common random encounters fun running about in the sand, we find Kimahri!




And then good ol' Rikku.



If it's 'Wakka is a goddamned tool,' we're all way ahead of ya!




Second best Wakka expression ever.




Wow, that's, um... quite a ways we've managed to travel!

I can only assume Sin has a handy-dandy catapult stored on his person somewhere.




And I thought Guadosalami was a boring and obvious name. I imagine the Al Bhed marketing devision must've spent many a sleepless night trying to come up with the name Home.

I'm sure they're diligently working on their next structure, Building, as we speak!




"No, I meant SHUT UP WAKKA"




Yes, but that's the sensible way to look at this, Tidus. That kind of 'tude doesn't roll around these parts!




Really? Why, that's totally out of character for them!




Have I said it before? Yes? I don't care. SHUT THE HELL UP, WAKKA




And now it's time for Nagivator!Rikku to lead us to Home~! I'm sure the way is perfectly safe and nothing wi--




WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-




Anyway, very swiftly moving on from that..... abomination.




What is it? Is it good news? It's probably good news!




... It's probably not good news.




Okay, I know it looks bad! But.. uh... maybe there's a positive to this that I can't quite think of any yet?





OH SNAP




Well it certainly aint between the Alliance and the Independents.




Well, that just makes their objective crystal clear now, don't it?




Does this mean that Wakka, as someone who hates Rikku, gets to stand out here and be mauled to death?

Oh man, I am so in on this plan! Lead the way, Captain... uh... Captain...




Thank you!




Right, so, seeing as this is a Cid, does all of Home turn into a giant kickass robot airship or something?

No?

Well, poop.




For reasons I can't even begin to understand why, throughout the entirety of the Home section to come there's a man over the intercom that seems to do nothing but constantly shout, "I'M ANNOYING, HUH?" or something very similar to it.

Why, yes, you are annoying. Also, what the fuck?




*gasp* Could this be... the end to Wakka's annoying streak?! Oh, please say it is so!




Why? Did Lex Luthor take 40 cakes or something?




Throughout Home, for obvious reasons, there's a lot of conversations that are entirely in Al Bhed-speak. While I give major props for the neat replayability bonus and use of alternate languages in a world, it makes it kind of hard to figure out what's happening!




Ah, the all-important question!




Is that fancy Al Bhed for the jacuzzi room?




Thank you, Grammatically Incorrect Wakka. I totally hadn't noticed this before!




And because Rikku's apparently been too darn happy so far, it's time for some TRAGEDY!!




The Al Bhed apparently follow the reasoning of the Dragon Balls.





Because this is a JRPG. If bad shit doesn't happen to you, then you're not an important character!




Yeah, that whole "YOU PROBABLY DESERVED IT" thing makes you seem like a bit of an asshole, doesn't it?




I'd do an impression of them, but I don't think my IQ is low enough.

Nor is my hair POONTY enough.




Please let it be a jacuzzi. I've fought enough goddamn mobs in this stupid place as it is!




Assuming this does involve kidnapping, what's stopping the summoners from just... y'know, summoning, and tearing the walls apart with Ifrit, Ixion, ect, ect? Must be some mighty impressive room service!

No, wait, the machina boss from before could stop magic and summons. Disregard!




INCOMING AWKWARDNESS IN 3... 2.... 1....






Um... Who wants to tell the poor guy?

Anyone?




WROOOONG!

I mean...




Please don't tell me you mean Yuna, Bitchybritches. I did not come all this way and wade through a torrent of drama and awkwardness just to be told the princess is in another castle, damn it!




While that's tragic and everything, that doesn't explain where our resident Mary Sue is!




What I plan to do to the next person who doesn't tell where Yuna is. Why do you ask?




OH HERE WE GO PEOPLE




Well, the fact that they're here shows that guardians can do a pretty piss-poor job.

But, more importantly...




Dun!




DUN!




DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!




He'd be acting awfully friggin' bizarre for someone who did know.





Well that's rather inconsiderate of it! >:(




Yeah. The rest of the group had trouble hiding the giggles everytime you mentioned Yuna doing something after beating Sin. They're jerks like that!

Though in their defense, it is kinda funny.




Translation: "This is a big plot moment, so there's no way in hell we could spoil it in the first dozen hours!"




Yes, because it's clearly Lulu's fault Yuna wants to run off and kill herself.




How hard could it possibly be? Just say, "Spira would be happier if you didn't kill yourself" and she'd probably instantly give up. She was willing to marry Seymour just to make the spazzes of this world happy!




Again, thank god I've got a good gag reflex built up.




Wait, wait, wait... I just thought of something.

Summoners die when they defeat Sin using the Final Aeon, right? So... why don't we just let Dona win the race? Spira will be happy, and she'll be dead. It's Win/Win! I think we should call this Operation Holy Shit This Can't Possibly Fail.




Wow. Wakka being totally wrong. Stop the fucking presses.




Yeah, but you know how those crazy Summoners are. Just won't stop until they drop, and all that jazz.





Um, isn't that the dream of everyone on Spira?  Y'know, hence that whole Operation Mi'ihen thing a while back?

Way to make it all about yourself, butthole!




All sorts of awkward-in-hindsight shit. We know.






That's because apparently being reminded of her own tragic death amuses her.

She's kind of stupid like that.




OKAY.




Ooooooooh! What have we here~!




'Gu, gu, gu', yourself!




I don't think Cid gives a toss, sorry.




Wow. Guess who looked down and found himself a pair!




Trust me, Cid, you don't want to know...




Whoa! Cid's awesome.




I doubt he's going to trust you on this one, Tidus. Call it a hunch, after he threw you clear across the room...




Again, something you're gonna regret saying after he finds her.





Yeah, that was probably a silly question...




LE GASP :O




PREPARE YOUR BLADDER FOR IMMINENT RELEASE WAKKA




Aw hell yeah




Again, no idea what they're saying, but Brother (Rikku's brother, funnily enough) starts singing the Hymn of the Fayth, so we can assume that it is a Big Deal.




"Why hasn't this heretical tin-can crashed and killed us all yet?!"




; ;




Good question. Maybe they have a timed explosive already set up? Or a remote detonator? Or maybe...




Holy crap.

Best. Airship. Ever.




Not sure what Cid's saying, but he sure seems happy about it!




"It's not like your friends got murdered and you were forced to destroy your own home or anything, ya?"




.... Fucking smooth, Wakka.




Hopefully 'meanie' is actually Al Bhed for 'douche'.




If only you thought this about seven hours ago!



EVERYONE ABANDON SHIP GO GO GO GOG GOG GOGOGOGGO




... Eh, true enough.




After leaving the cabin for a bit, we return to see Auron and Cid having a bit of a spat!




Yes, I don't think Auron is really debating that issue.




No, but I'm sure her on/off lack of brain will do the trick.


WHAAAAAAAAAAA?




You figured that all out from a few feet of tile? Whew! Good thing Detective!Lulu is on the case~




I'm guessing this means we've heading to Bevelle. ROOOOOOAD-TRIIIIIIIIIP~!




YARRRRR! ANY O' YE WHO DISAGREE SHALL WALK THA PLANK!




You'd think this would've been mentioned immediately before. These people clearly aren't on the ball!




Yes. Thankfully not in the way Yuna intended to, however.





His attachment being that he's a POINTY HAIRED, VEINY FREAK




Well she seems to be doing a pretty shit job.

Show of hands for surprise, anyone?



Are you really that dense, Wakka?





Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!




SUDDENLY!!




Awfully nice of them to wait about 20 minutes after takeoff before going ahead with the attack.




If I were the Guado, I would have focused on sabotaging the airship so it was incapable of flight.

Then again, if I were a Guado, I'd be incredibly stupid, brainwashed and freakish-looking, so there's that.





Ah, so we've found the distributor for Wakka's drugs!




"But destroy the ship and al---"




DAMN YOU!




Because when I think 'Hunting Professionals' I think the two currently physically weakest members of the group!




Okay, now I do wish Cid would just crash the stupid airship.




TIME FOR THE FIEND HUNTING PROFESSIONALS TO MOVE ON OUT YO DAWG




"A giant, hundred-foot long, flying, elastic wing-wong. What are the odds?"




We're clearly not talking about Wakka here, then.





Detective!Lulu scores another informative victory!




And isn't red.




A-DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR




WHAT NO FUCK

We're on an airship, moving at several hundred miles an hour! And you want us to not only stand on the roof of this contraption, but fight a gigantic Wyrm at the same time?! You're insane! I'll neve--




OKAY FINE

Jeez!




The price being OBVIOUS SUICIDE




I don't think Evrae is the problem in this plan!