Final Fantasy X - Part Nine | Working as Intended

Final Fantasy X - Part Nine

Posted on 1/07/2011 by Trambapoline

My eye still twitches whenever that's mentioned. I wonder if that's normal?

Oh well!

This entry is, in terms of overall distance in the game traveled, pretty darn short! It was an awkward spot between two major events, but it itself is also a major event in a way, so I decided to cut the previous entry off just before it, so to give it the proper length it deserves (that what she said lololololololololol*gunshot*). There's still quite a lot to go through!

WHEN WE LAST JOINED OUR VALIANT HEROES (and Wakka) THEY WERE ABOUT TO CONFRONT THE DASTARDLY SEYMOUR!!

Even an obnoxiously extremist Yevonite Jamaican robot blitzball player?

... Man, I did not expect to write that sentence today.

It can, and it is, so shut your damn gob, Wakka!

Translation: "We're about to Ruin. His. Shit."

BUTTS!!

Do you know how I've had to resist making that obvious joke? I'm not made of stone!

I'd say I hope she's praying she doesn't have to have POONTY HAIR SEX with Seymour but.... well, it's her own damn fault.

Tidus, as much as I want to see him get his arse kicked so hard that it comes flying out of his left nostril and into Wakka's face, maybe it's not a good idea to goad the extremely powerful, and murder-happy freak into attacking you HMMMMM?

"It had a good premise, but the direction was poor and the quality of film they used was absolutely atrocious. Overall, 2 Stars."

I think he's well aware of that.

Unless we're going for some serious Memento-level shit here.

Seymour has five personality modes:
-Smug
-Smug
-Smug
-Psychotic
-Smug, with a dash of lemon

I think you might be giving her a bit too much credit on this one, honestly.

She heard that you just recently bought some Jaffa Cakes and had to get in on that!

Please keep that to yourself in the future, Yuna.

I thought you came to marry him?

What the hell was the point of all that if you were just going to yell it out anyway?! GAHHH

Okay, the less I know about Seymour's fetishes the better...

Oh, you smug little prick.

I like how Wakka's just standing off to the side, doing nothing, as if he's all, "Go ahead and kill her, ya. I know that YEVON TOTALLY WANTS THIS TO HAPPEN SO IT'S ALL COOL"

What a tool.

.... We're totally screwed, aren't we?

Wakka: MASTER OF THE COUNTER-ARGUMENT

IT BEGINS

This battle, as one'd probably expect from the big build-up, can give a lot of players trouble. Basically you have to kill the two Guado Guadians by Seymour's side, but they have Auto-Potion Counter, which heals them for a 1,000 HP whenever you attack. Ze trick? Steal the potions with Rikku!

During all this, Seymour will cast elemental magic in a certain pattern (as the Help Bar, um, helpfully points out). It goes Ice -> Lightning -> Water -> Fire -> Repeat. In case it wasn't obvious, this is a big "HELLO PLEASE USE YUNA'S 1-TURN ELEMENTAL ABSORBING SPELLS PLEASE" warning.

"Feel my pain"? Oh, go QQ on DeviantArt moar Seymour.

And what the hell could something prissily called Anima possibly d--

............. Fuck.

Anima is, quite frankly, a filthy goddamn cheater. He has a Boost move which rapidly increasing his Overdrive bar (which, if filled, the PS2 may as well shoot the disc out of the drive and into your skull, because that'd be less painful). And if that's not nasty enough for you little masochists, he has an ability called Pain (QQ), which will insta-kill anyone (en-Death effects tend to do that).

If you've been following your Aeon Knowledge Class, you'd know that Aeons are immune to status effects! Which means it's time to cast ????

I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE

I HAVE NO IDEA

The only way to counter HAX is with MORE HAX. Shiva can heal by targeting Blizarra onto herself, which deals with the damage Pain does, and it does about 1,800-2,000 damage on Anima. Do this until the Aeon gets down to below 10,000 HP (from 18-ish-k), and then use Diamond Dust, which will do 9,999 damage!

Holy crap.

And then it's back to Mr. Seymour Guado~ Same basic tactic as before, except he'll now cast Multi-[Tier II Elemental Spell] every turn for well over 1,000 damage. So make sure you have those absorbing spells up!

Even when dying, he has to make sure he poses fabulously. That's dedication!

OH SHI-

Uh.... I'm willing to blame Wakka for all this if you guys are?

Somehow I think they're going to have a hard time believing that.

To the CEMETERY. You know why? Because he's DEAD.

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hahahaha...

Ahhhhhhh, sorry for your loss.

Oh, c'mon! How can you not see that the bastard was clearly freakishly insane?!

Stupid. Friggin'. Guados.

I'm torn between my current dislike of Wakka, and the amusingly accurate facepalm he's doing.

Nothing on Spira ever is. This is why you guys need surveillance cameras!

Oh, no wait, they're machina. AND TEH DEVILZ!!!!

Yet another tribute to the stupid VIII Let's Play~

Well... all and all I think it's been a very productive day! Go, Team Traitor!

Speaking of things in Spira never being easy, the stupid jerks decided to collapse the bridge back to the main temple, so I didn't get to skip the stupid cloister stuff afterall! Poop! Ah well, it's pretty easy. You just need to slide some blocks of stone around on the ice until they reach the correct location. An ice-based puzzle that has never been done before, let me assure you!

And another Destruction Sphere down. Duh, Duh, Duh-DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"It was the cow-licked buffoon behind me. Entirely his fault, yup!"

"dear masters (or was that maester idk who cars LOL rite??)
those stupid fag traitors totally killeded <3 master SEYMOUR GUARDO >:(
plz hang dem for der crimes!!!!!!
XXXOOOXX (wut dat meen? lol)
From: Trommel 'Keeping it Real, Biznatches!' Guado.

ps: summoner yuna mo liek' summoner POOna, am i rite guys??? XDXDXD"

Um... duh? What, did you expect them to waggle their finger for you killing their messiah, and then let you waltz out?

Why this wasn't brought up before, I have no idea.

But, more importantly...

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TAKE THE SPHERE AFTER THEY WATCHED IT?!

Cheese it!

You'll never take me alive, Copper!

GET AWAY FROM MY BLOOD

Welp, I guess we made it out of that one pretty okay. Where to ne--

Oh god damn it.

Another boss battle~! Once again, it's much easier to Steal the potions from the Guado Guardians (or let a sufficiently strong Lulu/Auron OHKO them). Then you just Blind the stupid Wendigo, before hacking down it's health.

This screenshot has no plot relevance, I just think it's awesome. And the Wendigo is about to lose it's junk.

AHHHH BLINDING LIGHT OF SCENE TRANSITION WHAT'S HAPPENING

Well that's a stupid thing to say!

"'My butt smells like hotdogs'. That's what I would have said, if my butt smelled like hotdogs.'"

Ah, so you've played Disc 3 of Final Fantasy VIII as well?

HOW DID WE GET HERE??

I like the choices though. It's comforting that even the characters don't know what's up all the time.

Which can only mean one thing.

OF COURSE!

... What?

Okay, I'm confused. What the hell did Auron do, exactly? Did I miss something?

Nope, it's too late. You've angered him and now he has no choice but to lop your head off.

And then we chat to Wakka. Because, y'know, that's bound to be productive.

Yes, we know.

"BUT BLAMING OTHERS IS THE ONLY THING I AM CAPABLE OF"

And I don't want to.

I wouldn't worry. It's probably just grievous internal haemorrhaging or something trivial!

Awesome, and currently shitting me right off, respectively.

That she is! Anywho, whatcha wanna talk about n---

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!

This is wrong. This is an explosion of wrong.

Oh, thank god he changed the subject.

AHHHHHHHH

Rikku, just because Seymour kicked the bucket does not mean we need a new Creepy Quotient!

I'm not laughing, I'm shuddering. There's a big difference, man!

But no time for that! Yuna just woke up from the Unseen Fall of Doom and we need to get our plot back on course!

Yeah, this seems like a rather bizarre move to take. What's up with that?

.... THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING

Okay, let's see if I can understand Yuna's train of thought.

1) Discovers that Seymour murdered his father.
2) Decides to marry Seymour.
3) Somehow this convinces Seymour to admit his crimes to Yevon.
4) ???
5) POONTY SEX??

... Yeah, I'm not exactly following this.

Translation: "Enough with the melodrama, for god's sake!"

It's Auron. He'll say it however he goddamn likes.

Hah.

Good to know that someone remembers this!

The supposed deity or the religion? I don't think the former could give a shit, and the latter is probably building the guillotines as we speak.

Pssssst! Between you and me, I don't think Auron's a big fan of Yevon.

We get to bust some caps in their arses?

DUN DUN DUNNNN

Gladly. Piss off!

Even if this is brainwashed, cultish bullshit, you killed a Maester. I don't think that sort of thing can be undone by a few hours of community service, or washing the dishes at the local homeless shelter. I think they're probably just going to kill you! Slowly.

Transgressed? HE WAS EVIL. HE MURDERED HIS FATHER JUST FOR MORE POWER

HE FRIGGIN' CONFIRMED IT ALL AND THEN ATTACKED YOU

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE MAKE ANY SENSE ANYMORE

; ;

As long as there's an Aeon, I'm up for going anywhere.

Let's make like a.... thing, and.... something comically related that implies forward motion.

As long as it starts with, "Yeah, funny story, actually..." I'm up for it.

I didn't think they were. Shut up, Wakka!

They've got BALLS OF STEEEEEL!

The temple apparently has some kickass speakers and the Hymn can be heard from way out here!

Here it is, for the curious.

No, it's coming from a goddamn soufflé.

Does it makes the hearts of unfaithful explode? Because that'd be pretty rad!

It's all this second-hand bong smoke you've *hack* released. Knock it off! *splutter*

Kimahri. Never knew the guy had it in him!

Kimahri isn't a fayth, silly.

Oh, Lulu.

Now there's a disturbing mental image.

I'd be more worried if he did sing it well.

Ohhhh, snap!

"Both are woeful cacophonies of pure, twisted misery!"

Well I don't think he toddled off to kill Sin in Spira as part of his holiday tour plans.

Subway.

He was gonna tell you later, but, y'know, it's funnier this way!

Sin.

Well... yeah, that'd be how it showed up one day and destroyed the place!

Poor Tidus. He either has to choose between the world full of monsters, stalkers, corrupt religions and Wakka, or the whatever little remains of his true home. This is what we call an Unwinnable Choice.

Or God, Your Life Kinda Sucks, Don't It?