Working as Intended

We move away from Guadosalami: The Town Where Nobody Makes Any Sense, and head off towards Macalania Temple! The game continues, as one'd probably expect, to be a lot of fun to go through, and doing this Let's Play has given me a refreshed experience after playing through it so many different times in the past. The characters are nice, varied and play off each other surprisingly well, the world is imaginative, and the battle system, as I mentioned in a previous entry, is still fun after all this time. I'm impressed!

Anywho, back to the mayhem that is Spira!













Do I sense some Character Trait Development occuring?




By merrily skipping to the beat out our own soul! Trip the light fantastic, man!




HOPEFULLY?

What kind of dumbass Pilgrimage decides to just waltz through this thing? Surely there must be a way around?!




Was it your spine? We should probably go back for that.




That Auron, always so considerate!




And here is the beginning of what many people call the Worst Mini-Game of All Existence. I'll go into it a lot more later when I have to come back, but for now let me just mention this; The game revolves around dodging a lot of it. I damn well hope you have cat-light reflexes, otherwise you're in for a world of pain when you get hit by lightning.




No, but good guess!




THIS COULD BE YOU!




Throughout the ol' Thunder Plains are these Cactuar Qatuar stones. They're also associated with a mini-game later, but for now all ya need to do is press Square while near some and they'll glow all funky-like!




Oh, dear god no...

Can you please go and get electrocuted or something!




Where in the world did you possibly hear that? I know NPCs in RPGs learn knowledge at an alarmingly quick rate, but there was nobody in the room except...

WERE YOU SPYING ON US?!




Mental Note: The girl knows too much.





Crushing people's hopes and joy is fun~!




*ZAAAAAAAAAP*!

This is such a safe place to run through that it almost hurts.




Oh dear. I think that lightning strike from before fried Rikku's brain.




Yeah. Knock it off!




OH GOD IT'S THE DEMON CHILD! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!




You're not a dog, Rikku, so please stop humping people's legs.

I'm sure they're flattered, but it's just a bit weird!




But that'd make sense.




"I told you to get me my shotgun, boy."




Once inside, Yuna starts acting weird.

I'm sure it's nothing and will in no way lead to some future melodrama!



Knowing your brother in X-2, this honestly doesn't surprise me in the least.




BZZZZZZZZZZZT!




It just might, my main man!




"I SENT YOU THOSE CHOCOLATES AND FLOWERS DID YOU GET THEM ;) "




Wow, Rin really doesn't let a one night stand go, does he?




Ah, even more 'Subtle' Character Development. The Thunder Plains is full of it today~!




"Under no circumstances can this be explained until the game is nearly over. It's a heavily enforced rule!"




"HEY RIKKU!! GUESS WHAT :D"




Getting bored of the plebeians and their interesting discussions, Tidus decides to eavesdrop on Yuna.




Wow. There's failing something, and then there's failing something.




I dunno, Mr. I Can't Lightly Lean On a Door To Save My Life, you tell me.




Oh, so that's why Yuna wants to marry Seymour.

He... um.. probably didn't mean 'take care' like that.




Yeah, this conversation isn't awkward at all.




"PRANCING OUT OF THE ROOM IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN PROPERLY DISPLAY MY EMOTIONS"




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BAD TOUCH




Outside, Mr. Stalker suddenly decides to run up take a photo of the group.




Thank you, game. That was entirely pointless.




Anywho, time to try and get out of this place!

Actually, it's probably worth noting that while all this is going on, the theme for the Thunder Plains is a whimsical little piano ditty. Because when I think 'getting horrifically struck by lightning repeatedly' I think piano ditties!




If you press Square at enough Qactuar stones the friendly little buggers decide to come out and play. Awww~

By which I mean cast 1,000 Needles and then leg it!




INCOMING DRAMA :O




I know you want to have your little Moment, Yuna, but does it really have to be in a location where everyone could, say, GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING?




Oh lord...




I wasn't aware she had made up her mind previously. Isn't that why she was all "I IS DECIDED??" just now?




That doesn't make any sense!




Exactly. Listen to the voice of reason, for goodness sake!




"You know! The one you are trying ever so desperately to hid--Ohhhh, right."




Auron doesn't shit around.




.... WHA?




Good. Otherwise this'd be the most bloody anticlimactic ending to any video game ever.

Well, outside of Halo 2.




I think Auron regretting making that promise to Braska. I can't say I blame the poor fellow.





Hah!




"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMNED MIND?! SERIOUSLY. HELLO?!"




Seymour isn't into pillow talk, unfortunately.




I just want this to sink in. There is a scene where Wakka is one of the more intelligent people.

Something has clearly gone wrong with the world at some point.




Oh, don't bother, Rikku. Little Miss Yuna has decided, and gosh darn it, neither rain, nor hail, nor POONTY pubic regions is going to change her mind, dang it!




Rikku telling the storm to shut the hell up always amuses me.




Anything that's brought upon you is now your own fault, Yuna. They all tried. You saw it!




Welcome to my world, buddy.




Don't you mean MACARENA TEMPLE HMMMMMM

*head-desk*




One random battle infested pit quick jaunt later~!




I think we all are. She's clearly lost her marbles.




... That is an excellent question.




"She's gone completely batshit."




What? In bed?

That's the only type of negotiations I can think of that'd possibly require marriage!




That sounds scarily accurate.





Yeah, I think he's definitely regretting his promise.




She was only marrying him for the kickass sex!




Please don't finish that sentence.




Welp, this is Macalania Woods. It's a mostly linear run through the crystallized tree-tops, which is full of monsters that love to put all sorts of lovely status effects on you. YAY




Huh. I guess Wakka really is stoned.




Oh no, it's Mr. Muscle Head! And he's doing the most poncy running motion in the world!




No, and I thank the various deities every single day I don't.




Don't worry, buddy. We always have a makeshift martini maker and fireworks ready for a celebration!




Since Auron can't smack any sense into Yuna, he may as well put it to good use on others.




Barthello either finds this extremely helpful, or he's in desperate need of some laxatives.

Or suddenly no longer needs laxatives.




Finally! Someone who listens to the poor guy.




We leave Barthello to his own devices, which hopefully means he never finds Dona, and make our way to....




Whaaaaaaat the fuck?








... Okay. Okay. Who's the wise guy who slipped drugs into my orange juice this morning?




I'M TRIPPING MAJOR BALLS HERE




I'm... just gonna try and ignore that entirely.




A sale, you say? Well, gee, I might actually buy something from you this time! What have got, man?




YOU WANT HOW MUCH?!




No, I think it's just peachy.

IF YOU WERE AN EXTORTIONIST




Okey-dokey, chief!




That's not completely vague at all!




Yes, but... what are dreams made of, Auron?




Don't tell Shinra about this. They'll totally want to make a bitchin' power reactor out of the stuff.




Thank you for telling me this after I last had a chance to prepare the party!




Actually, the fight's really a piece of cake once you figure out how it works. Basically the giant blob of... blob over here counters any attack with the element it is currently attuned to, so all you have to do is do damage of the element it's currently weakened against. Like if it casts Fire, you counter with Blizzard. Every time you successfully damage its elemental weakness it changes that, and you just repeat until it dies.

Lulu is obviously the biggest contributer to the party here, but if you've been Stealing with Rikku since you got her you'll have all sorts of powerful elemental items for her to Use too, so she also makes this fight much, much easier.




And then the stupid thing dies and turns into a sphere recorder. As.. giant blobs of sentient water are privy to do?




Well it's mighty convenient that nobody stumbled across this place between then and now!




If you're lucky, we might even see exquisite things. Or even things that could be described as corking!




Ah, good to see Auron was all smiles and sunshine back then too.




We got them confused with the crying fans and cheering women. Sorry.




Man, that'd be awkward. "Woohoo! Yeah! Uh... I know you guys planned this big farewell for me saving the world and I'm super appreciative of that, but I think I'm just gonna go back to my room and chillax now. We cool?"




Uhhh, yeah... Jecht... y'see...

This is awkward. Next tape!




Auron has time not for your silly little home movies!




I could probably make a dirty joke about Jecht's line, but I'm too focused on Auron's ponytail he was sporting back then. What the hell is that all about?




Auron decides to address the game developers directly.




Yeah, duuuuuuuuuude! It's not like we're trying to save the world from a giant demonic whale or anything. Pfft!




Oh dear. Off-screen ass kicking imminent!




I'm assuming Jecht's sitting down in this scene due to aforementioned ass kicking.




Or some random guy found your oh-so cunningly concealed sphere and is watching it for a giggle.





"I garfunkle'd your mother, Trebek Tidus!"




Oh, Jecht, you old softie!




Yes, like all those classic times he got drunk and hit various animals, or the scenes with you with a stick up your butt. Ah, home movies...




Yes. INTO SIN.




"Oh, by the way, if you're playing the PAL Version? NEENER NEENER HAVE FUN KILLING OPTIONAL SUPERBOSSES JUST TO GET TO THEM YOU BIG WEENIES! YOU SUCK"




Score!




So that explains the constant emotional abuse over the years!

Oh, wait no.




Yeesh. I'll say!




Yeah, I probably wouldn't buy it either.




Anywho, enough of all that pesky character development and shiz. We've got running to do!




AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Yeah, I'm just gonna go inside. Y'know, inside. Where I can buy all sorts of nice stuff off the not-stalker mechant!




I just had to record this. There are levels of sarcasm in his voice I couldn't fathom reaching.




Would I ever!




HMMM I WONDER WHAT ELEMENT THE AEON THERE WILL BE???




Yup, it's definitely the Curry Aeon temple.

Curry can be an element! Who says it can't?!




Oh, great. Because I haven't run into enough reoccurring creepy stalkers on my trip yet!




THERE IS NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THIS AT ALL




Translation: "You're the female lead, so we'll have to rescue you anyway. Do whatever the hell you want."




npz man





I love it when Auron goes into wearily sarcastic mode.




O SNAP


I. CAN'T. UNDERSTAND. YOU.

Oh, who cares? What's the worst he could possibly do?




... I'm gonna shut my goddamn mouth now.




This fight can either be relatively easy, or a complete pain the arse, depending on how you try to deal with him and his little magic/Aeon-blocking friend up there. When you really tick the boss off, he'll start counting down to using Mana Cannon, which deals over 1,000+ damage to the entire party. So, yeah, ouch! I'd recommend focusing entirely on the little bugger (Rikku's items and Wakka are great for this) and then just blasting the hell out of the stupid big thing with whatever you have, before the tiny guy respawns.




BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!




SHAZAM!




Well I'm glad someone can tell him what a big stupid-head he is!

Well, at least that's what I'm assuming they're saying. I'd know the language already if the Al Bhed didn't dedicate an entire book to learning a single letter!




UH-OH




That couldn't have been him. He wasn't nearly as grunty or unintelligible!




Oh, shut up, Wakka.




No, Sin was born because you're ugly and stupid!




Also, this.




This chapter a very good example of the different kinds of sarcasm. Auron's is very dry, but is done because he has a sense of humour. Wakka's is done here because he has the maturity of an 8-year old right now.





"YEVON'S TEACHINGS DON'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT"





Oh, right, right. Y'know, except for the GIANT DEMON WHALE THAT'S DESTROYING THE WORLD




"MAYBE I DO!"




Yeah, because that's done you a fat load of good the past 1,000 years.




Again, good questions.




See last above statement to Wakka.




Why do I even bother?




Oh thank god someone finally changed the subject!




OH SHUT UP WAKKA




Gladly.




And now we begin the second Affection section of the game! Depending on who likes you more, a certain character will ride and chat with you on the snowmobile. Unlike the last bit, Auron and Kimahri can join you for this, since it's just banter. However, everyone still wanted Rikku, so here we go~!




He's just mad he didn't get his daily cult sacrifice in.




;  ;




I dunno, the camera is cutting off half of your head!




For those paying attention to the story, that would mean that Rikku's father is Cid

It's fun to learn~!




Well, that was a fun little ride. Into the curry temple we go!

All this ice only supports my theory, if you stop to think about it.




Oh, christ, not again. How the hell did he even know?

Well... I was about to say Wakka didn't know until she blurted Al Bhed out, but then I realized that Wakka not figuring something out isn't exactly the best way to support one's logic.




Good to see the best character in the game stand up for the tied second.




INCONCEIVABLE!




Oh no. This entry is just going downhill now!




If you finish that with, "... are off doing it." I may have to start vomiting. On you.




... This explains so much about you, and yet so little.




"My entire hometown was destroyed and my family butchered by Sin, the giant demon that lives on eternally. But, hey, at least a random summoner I barely know and Mr. POOONTY HAIR are getting married. Oh, happy day!"

In short, shut up, Shelinda.




SUDDENLY: DRAMA!!




Knowing this series, it'll probably just raise a hundred more in its stead.




"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."




If it's the fact that he's the creepiest son-of-a-bitch on Spira, trust me, that is definitely no secret.




Oh, great, so Seymour's a Heartless. Where's the damnable Keyblade when you need it?




Well we know that he's going to use one particular summoner, in any case.




Well he can just wait for his precious little turn, can't he? There's quite a queue lining up for that position!




So you can see that he's about to kill you, but you're not going to do anything about it? That's not very proactive!




So it's your fault he's turned into such a freak? Prepare to di...

Oh, wait, right.




With gusto~!




Yee-haw, we've got ourselves a good ol' fashioned villain in this game now!




TO KILL YOUR HUSBAND




Oh shut your goddamn mouth, Wakka.




You shut up too!