Working as Intended

Another entry and another section of Final Fantasy X completed~! This entry is the first, and possibly only one, where absolutely no battles take place. It's all plot all the time, baby! Or something.

I have nothing else to really say at this point, so let's just dive in.









We begin with talking to Shelinda, and I think I just broke the record for Fastest Time In Wanting To Kill Self.




OH GOD YES ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM HER




Cool beans.





Ah, so they're the all-encompassing plot device of Spira, eh?




Much like taking a hit out of Wakka's stash.




Well, that certainly settles that.




FORSOOTH! I ACKNOWN THOU'S SPEECH, YOU FUSTIAN LOWN!




YARELY! TO YONDER RAMPARTS!




YOUR FETCHES ENCHAFED ME! AROINT THEE FROM MY SIGHT!




Don't want to know, don't want to know, don't want to know!




If I have to put up with you throughout the game, could you at least try to make some sense?




No, I really can't.




Why would the super-Yevonite Guado have Al Bhed primers? A MYSTERY IS AFOOT!




Yet another super-duper-rare appearance of Tidus' name~




USE. YOUR. WORDS!




Well, this town's clearly batshit. Let's see what the totally not creepy mansion has to offer!




You and me both, buddy.




Oh, shush, Yuna. He's a freak! Although... I wonder if his pubic hair is as pointy is his regular hai.....

WHY DO I THINK THESE THINGS?!




That poor, poor woman...




Is there candy inside, mister?!




GIMME SOME OF THAT I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE BESAID GODDAMN IT




Si!




Such is the burdensome role of Lady Exposition, sadly.




Trust me, I don't think that was ever under question.




Translation: "Sit down, shut up, or I'll Fira the crap out of you!"





Yes, but do they have The Touch?




WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T HE?!

Dear god Yevon god, two seconds with Shelinda should've turned anyone off!




BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW




You're going to ask Wakka if a leader of Yevon was a good guy?

See, Tidus, this is what we'll call Obvious Bias.




So, that would definitely be put into the 'no' category then.




Ready to astound and disturb us all with his veiny face and POONTY HAIR




Please don't make me vaguely ill. It's really not necessary.




Okaaaaaaay, let's hear it for the Completely Fucking Deranged Man over here!




Not if I had my way, you wouldn't.





Oooh, cockblocked!




Yes, y'see, there MIGHT BE A REASON FOR THAT




At least buy her dinner first, man. Jeez!




If nothing else, Seymour knows how to hold a kick-ass movie night!




LE GASP!

So that's who Seymour was talking about after Mi'ihen. Probably would've made more sense to have this scene before that one, but what are ya gonna do?




Shame she wasn't the first person to discover proper clothes. She must be Dona's ancestor.




And thankfully not her fashion sense.




"She sent five magic rings to five special young people!"




That doesn't make a lick of sense, you pointy-haired goon!




I'm guessing it's also what her underwear must be made of, since she seems confident enough to parade about in it.




And then Seymour whispers something which is apparently SHOCKING! Maybe it's the secret to his hair?

In any case, I'm sure it's something really minor that the game will find needlessly dramatic.




. . . .

Well that shut me up.




r u srs??




So, what, killing Sin isn't good enough? What a bunch of over-demanding buttwhiskers!




WHAT NO IT DOESN'T




Those Ye Olde Guado a few houses down would probably object to that statement.




SEYMOUR: TOTALLY NOT CREEPY




How long does it take to think, "NO! NOW GET YOUR VEINY FACE AWAY FROM ME"




Damn straight!




OW!

Thanks for dropping that heavy Character Twist Anvil on my head, game. I really needed that....




"GET OUT OF MY BLOODY WAY"




What? "Thank Yevon that Seymour, the Poonty Haired Freak didn't rapidly propose to me?"




When did Auron say that? Get off da hooch, Wakka!




Yes. Can we please just do that instead? Y'know... Giant demon whale that needs to be killed and all!




HOW WOULD IT POSSIBLY HELP ANYONE?




"I HAVE TO GO POT-POT AGAIN!"




That's what I've been saying!




Okay, I think that might be a little too drastic, Yuna. Let's just calm down and think this through!




You'd think someone (like, say, YUNA) would consider this for just a second. Just one. That's all it'd take.

This group is full of idiots. Except Rikku, who just joined, and Auron, who doesn't give two shits.




It seems we're going to the Farplane, cats and kittens! Which is actually situated inside Guadosalami.

Who knew?




"Can I really save 15% on car insurance by switching to Geico?"




Yes. The housing rates and loans are simply to die for!



... I'll shut up now.





Oh, great, now Tidus is chasing the dragon! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE WAKKA




At least someone is nice enough to explain what's going on!




So no creepy, drug-induced, demonic ghost deaths for you, Tidus. Now get moving!




Well aint that just spiffy?




"I SAID I KEEP MY FUCKING MEMORIES INSIDE OF ME!"




Hahahaha



For the record, I have no idea what that stupid blue sphere thing is meant to be either. A jawbreaker, maybe?




Yup, hormones'll do that.




Yuna's mother kind of looks like an older Rikku. COINCIDENCE???




"MY PARENTS ARE HAPPY, SO THAT MEANS I MUST MARRY THE FIRST PERSON WHO ASKS ME"

Yuna's naive, but I don't think she's that naive.




That's certainly one way of starting a conversation with the spectral image of your dead implied brother.




Tidus kind of looks like an older Chappu. COINCIDENCE???




"You gave him my WHAT?! That's it! Consider your ass haunted, buster!"




Or maybe we're dead, and these images are from the live people coming to visit us? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH




Because you've always struck me as the lollygagger of the group.




"You've been ever-so-slightly wistful about him for about 5 seconds total. Get over it!"




Are you frigging serious?

The last thing we need is the possibility of Wakka reproducing!




You can fry him alive now, Lulu. It's quite alright.




Step #1 being don't pair them up with Wakka.

That's like Quistis falling for Zell or something. It's just so wrong!






Poor Lulu  ;  ;




Well, enough banter about one possible, disturbing couple. Time to move onto the next one!

What is wrong with Spira? Well, besides the obvious.




Well I doubt anyone's going to go, "AHHHH SHIT!! SOMEONE KILLED THE GIANT DEMON THAT WAS LAYING WASTE TO THE WORLD. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET CRAP DONE NOW? THANKS A LOT SUMMONERS, YOU BIG DORKS"




Well I want you to give Seymour the finger (NOT LIKE THAT NOT LIKE THAT) and just kill Sin already.




Anything to move the subject away from Seymour's possibly POONTY nether regions.




Jecht is a woman?!

Well... Didn't see that one coming.





Ah, such a wonderfully cheerful conversation!




"So Darth Vader really was Luke's father. Now it all makes sense now!"




"GET OFFA MAH LAWN, YOU LITTLE SHIT"




Cracks out the booze and goes for a wild night on the town?




Well that's much more depressing ; ;




"How dare that bastard go and get himself killed! What a jerk, am I right?"




No, no, Tidus, it's pretty justified.

If you want you sounding stupid, just wait until the end of this section.




DAMMIT RIKKU GIMME THAT APPLE I'M STILL HUNGRY




"TAKE ME WITH YOU! EVERYONE HERE IS SUCH A DOWNER I'M TOTALLY SERIAL"




I'm sure it was just a simple misunderstanding, and there's nothing sinister at play here at all.




Yup. Nothing sinister what-so-ever!




In his bed?




But that would mean Yuna couldn't try and solve all the world's problems. And we can't have that!




If you remember me going on about the Affection System that FFX has way back in Part 2, then this is the first major scene where it has an impact. I asked some friends who they'd want to see the scenes with, and the majority said Rikku. This is a problem, because Rikku joins the party only minutes before reaching Guadosalami, which means most people get Lulu as the default scene, since she's been around much longer (And Yuna isn't here, and Auron/Kimahri don't get chosen).

So I had to spend about an hour outside Guadosalami last chapter just grinding fights and healing/reviving Rikku to get her to the right level of Affection. I hope you jerks enjoy this, because it wasn't very fun!




It's also one of the few times you can choose to hit on a certain character. I imagine this is why Auron and Kimahri aren't options. Although that would've been damn funny!

I'm sure I'd get angry responses if I didn't choose this with Rikku, so there ya go.





And then she beats the shit out of Tidus, which is pretty awesome.




I think she's meant to be saying "Maybe someday!" or something along those lines.

Anyway, let's move away from all this, shall we?




OH GOD NO! GO BACK! GO BACK!




Wait, what?

Then what the fuck has Yuna been doing in the mansion this entire time? Staring at the walls?!




..... Huh!






I have no idea who thought this was funny, but let this be known: I will find you.

God.




I'm too depressed to go on now. I'm just going to stop.

'Macarena Temple'. Oh, just shoot me.

Okay, it's not that bad, but Jesus.