Working as Intended

Well, I hope you've liked the plot so far, what little there was, because you're going to have to live off of it for a while! We're now solely into mini-game and sidequest territory for the game, which is actually 90% of the darn thing's content. If you don't wanna see me get very grumpy at some of the game's mechanics, then this entry is not for you~!

Now that those jerks are gone, let us continue!














In the last entry, we discovered the true story behind the concert trainwreck in Luca (except for the part where we obviously didn't), so let's head to the next location on the ol' X Reminiscence Tour!




And we all know what happened the last time the Crusaders tried that shit.




GOD DAMN IT YUNA YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T MENTION THAT SCENE EVER AGAIN ; ;




I care not for your tales, loser!




That's all we had to do for the Mi'ihen Highroad, and after 483,382 random battles a quick jaunt, we find ourselves at Mushroom Rock!




Pfft! Sphere Hunters don't go looking for spheres. That's just crazy talk!




Weren't you acting very condescending to them two entries ago because they followed you?

Oh, right, it's okay if Yuna, Mary Sue Extraordinaire does it. My bad.




You too, Mr Somebody I've Never Seen In My Entire Life.




Unless you've played the Japanese Int. version of FFX, with the new secret ending movie thing, you'll have never heard of Yaibal. Why they kept this in for the English X-2 release I have no idea.




Yes, the Text Choice God already informed us of this.




EXCEPT WE NEVER MET YOU




Good for you, Captain Assdingy.




Rikku, don't try to advance the story. You... You just can't win.


WELL I NEVER




The goal of Side Mission #1 is to essentially run to the location where the Operation Mi'ihen base once stood.

However, it wouldn't be a X-2 mission if we didn't have some sort of obnoxious gimmick, so now the screen constantly brightens and darkens itself . When it's dark you can't go more than two steps without a battle, so you have to stop when it's dark and run like a madmen when it's bright.

How the hell the Mushroom Rock Road darkens itself spontaneously is never explained. Like everything else in this game.




Prancing Running~!




Along the way, we encounter Fatman and Alan Rickman (If he'd been snorting helium) investigating a super secret cave, that, *gasp* is actually hidden this time! Besaid could learn from the example set here.




You could ask practically everyone in this game that question.




Please be a bomb, please be a bomb, please be a bomb, please be a bomb...




Eh, that works too.




ABSOLUTELY NOT




At least Maroda isn't a big enough attention whore to sit around and wait for Yuna to omgrememberhim before continuing on.




Um, I don't recall asking for your life story, dude!




Good for him?




'Kick Pacce in the junk...' Right, got it!




Den of Woe? That might be the most Q_Q name for a place I've ever heard.

I bet Squall would seriously hang out here if he were unfortunate enough to live on Spira.

But then again, Spira doesn't have Zell, so....





THE LADY ASKED YOU A QUESTION, NUMBNUTS

This is our first clue that Isaaru and Maroda had a falling out. Something which never amounts to anything, so I don't know why I bothered even pointing it out!




Well fuck you too, then!




Back to running~!




Oh god, not another '???? WHOEVER COULD IT BE' moment...




I think she means you look like a complete ho-basket.




Brilliant observation.




Swish!




But we aint done yet, my lovelies. In order to go for the All Important Super 100% Score, we must press onwards!




In other words, the Youth League was formed by people who aren't complete idiots.




Wow, I forgot that people on Spira can have a brain from time to time. This is wonderful news!




So he's all that and a bag of chips. Got it.




SWEET SHITTING MARMALADE ON TOAST NOT ANOTHER ONE




Yes, I know. It's hard not to forgot your bafflingly uncomfortable-looking uniform.




He and everyone else in Spira now. Get in line!




What? Scouring the books to figure out what the hell a 'Meyvn' is?




Fine by me. Let's blow this popsicle stand!




Not any more than the rest of Spira, Rikku.




Oh, shut up.




In happier news, we find everyone's favorite wandering exposition machine, Maechen!




Sock it to me, old man!




For 100% completion, you have to basically put the controller down and listen as Maechen prattles away for a good 10 minutes or so. He just goes on about the Crusaders, New Yevon and some dude named Trema, which we'll NEVER HEAR OF AGAIN LET ME TELL YOU




This becomes vaguely important in the future~





Awwwwwww~




Well that was a nice, if long, trip down memory lane. What else have we got around here?




.....

No comment.




The final thing on our Mushroom Rock To Do List is to talk to Clasko by the entrance!




Oh, go have your pity parade somewhere else, you git.




I so want to pick that second option.




Oh god, what have I done?!




You can find Clasko in the Cabin, on board the Flying Crab Dildo.




Yuffie's already claimed this gimmick. Find something else!

And, yes, this one line is required for 100% completion...




Pattern Recognition says otherwise, sadly.




But before we continue on our way, we should probably check out the stupid sphere Ormi somehow dropped without noticing.





Laaaaaaaaaaame. Jecht's sphere were so much cooler!

The only interesting note about this is that it's Logos and Ormi talking, and I found out that Logos' voice actor also did the voice for Barthandelus in XIII. The More You Know~




Well, that's one location down! Only a depressingly large number to go...




I can't possibly imagine why.




Gosh, and here I was thinking that every temple except Djose was neglected. Thank you for enlightening me!

Where's the good clunky JRPG exposition when you need it?





Well maybe you should try wearing actual clothes if you don't want any attention!




Yeah, I don't think that's the reason everyone's staring.




WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED ON BESAID INSTEAD OF RIPPING OFF HALF YOUR DAMNED CLOTHES AND TRAVERSING AROUND THE WORLD ESSENTIALLY PROMOTING YOURSELF.AT EVERY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY

Argh!





At least Rikku and Paine aren't above making fun of her either.




Huh. I didn't know the circus was auditioning today!




Don't you mean Machina?




In order to get in for an interview I wasn't even aware Yuna wanted at any point, you have to chat to every NPC in the area until the line finally decides to bugger off.




Oh, yes, because those two last letters just make a world of difference!

What a tool.






Well that was terribly pointless, game. Thank you.




I'd wait for her to sober up before starting, honestly.




Considering how he's in a temple, where the Fayth and Aeons are no more, I think he's gathered that Yuna, you airhead.




Why is there so much running about for a simple interview process?

Has Spira honestly never heard of desks?




They're a lot slaggier in person, I know.


We are? Why the fuck are we doing that?! I thought you three already had jobs!




Oh well, no time for digging now (or ever). We have the Moonflow to head to!

... For some reason.




That's because it's only been two years, Yuna.

What's with all the stupid comments suddenly?




... until you see the amount of litter mass-tourism creates. It's enough to bring a tear to the eyes of a Hypello, it is!





Sure. Except for the whole DESTROYING SIN thing.

Well, technically, Rikku, Auron and Lulu did that. So... yeah, you did nothing!




RIIIIIIDE ZE SHOOOOPUFF???




GET A JOB!




Not far down the road, we encounter a.... whatever the hell this thing is!




Oh no, no, no, no, no, not another frickin' side-quest!




Yes. Let's!




OH GOD DAMN IT




Well, we better see what the little shit wants, I guess.




Wait, so you know generally where he is and you have Hypello slaves assistants all around you... so, why not choose one of them to find your courier pansy? No, wait, then we couldn't have a tedious mission. OH NOES




One slight run and more than enough battles of Paine insisting she's going to 'hurt' someone later~




Mission Time!

This time around our goal is to escort the Hypello and his cargo of cocaine back to Tobli before customs can swoop in and steal it for themselves! As you run down the road some thieves will occasionally drop in and take one of the suitcases. When this happens you have to run up to them to trigger a battle.

This wouldn't be so bad if four things didn't happen:
1) There's random encounters the entire way.
2) If you trigger a battle while a thief is on the carriage, he and a suitcase will vanish afterwards.
3) You need every suitcase for 100%
4) The Chocobo didn't move slower than a glacier in a traffic jam.

So, frankly, this escort quest can kindly go die in a fire.




Oh ho ho, I'm gonna punch you in the teeth if you don't give me an excellent reward!




.... Good enough. You get to keep your teeth this time, bird brain!




Don't advertise the group, Rikku. We don't need more people coming at us with sidequests!




But a gig's a gig, I suppose.




I'm sorry, Paine, I didn't realize this was the AIRSHIP OF PREJUDICE!!




Unfortunately.




WITHOUT THEM IT'S JUST A 'SALAM' ; ;




And those would be some very clever people!




I know Yuna's explaining this stuff for the people who didn't play the first game (Why would they'd buy X-2?), but given the context of her story she's making it sound like a certain person has recently received a lobotomy.





Poor, poor Yuna...

Wait, does this mean he's still in there while she's telling this story? Is she talking to herself?

Methinks the poor girl has snapped!




Oh well, if Yuna wants to have a psychotic episode she'll have to do it in her own time! We've got places to be!




Character developer? In my FFX-2?!




Well good for her! Getting over her own fears.

Unfortunately...




WHOOPSIE DAISY




Oh, I don't think Rikku's gonna like this...




It's okay, though. We just won't say anything to her!

Yes, this is a thing that must be done.




I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LIGHTING AND THUNDER EVERYTHING IS FINE NO I'M NOT ACTING SUSPICIOUS YOU ARE I HAVE TO GO NOW FOREVER!!




Don't you mean MACARENA temple?




It's affecting the woods so much they don't look any different from FFX!




As long as that means your stupid little butterfly hunting game goes away too, I think it's totally worth it.




A humanoid, Native American-themed bird with a harp ascends up a sparkling, floating road in a crystal forest.

Not what one'd call an everyday occourance.




Um... who are you exactly?




Oh. Okay. I guess you're gonna leave now.

That's cool.




I can safely say I haven't understood a single damn thing since this entry's begun!




Cool beans.




Unfortunately, all the Guado are trying to have an wangst-off with each other.




Oh-ho, if it isn't Mr. OH LORD SMUGMOUR IS SO PERFECT, himself!




Well, in fairness, so did every other goddamn Yevonite in Spira.





Gladly. Piss off.




Damn it, Yuna! That wasn't an excuse to strike up a conversation with the jerk!





That might've been the most unnecessary conversation in this game.

Which is saying something.




Hah. Tromell got off a snarky comment. Who knew he had it in him?





Sweet, something that's too impractical to use!

I'm just going to leave now, Tromell. We should do this again sometime around never.




Just outside the forest proper, there are some Al Bhed getting rather angry about something.

It's of no importance to us, so let's just lea--




Uh-oh...




HEY AL BHED GUESS WHO'S OVER HERE IT'S MR HO'AKA PLEASE PUNCH HIM IN THE ARSE




Unfortunately, since that'd actually be funny, we instead get a mission where we have to hunt down the fleeing O'aka.

Why? I'unno. Same reason as why we do anything else in this game?




Sadly, Ho'aka doesn't take the shiny road, where there are no random battles, so I have to fight a billion elementals and lizards while chasing him down. Which just makes me want to punch the bastard even more now.




What are you going on abo--




. . . .

WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING IN THIS GAME MAKE ANY SENSE?!




Oh, rapture.




What? The lake that doesn't have any water, since we managed to fall through it and hit the bottom in X?




Good. You just stand right there while I go make a call and grab some popcorn!




NO!




I wish upon all the stars in the Galaxy that I could choose that second option.

Sadly, it doesn't lead us to 100% Completion, so... ugh, Ho'aka has to live aboard the airship now.




Let's not and say he's stupid and ugly.




To get that 100%, you have to clean Ho'aka's 100,000 gil debt before a certain part in Chapter 3.

Which means I have to give him all my fucking gil.

Why this game has suddenly decided it outright despises me, I'll never know!




Thankfully we're nearing the end of the X Reminiscence Tour.

See ya next time~!