Final Fantasy IX - Part Two | Working as Intended

Final Fantasy IX - Part Two

Posted on 12/03/2010 by Trambapoline

Thanks again to friends and random people alike for the kind words regarding these super-long entries of silly comments about a 10-year old RPG. One of the biggest points of note I got with the last entry, from people who haven't played IX, was if I could please embed videos of the FMV sequences? Well, sadly, my emulator+FRAPs is a bit shit, so the framerate while recording for FMVs is a bit dodgy, but plenty of people on YouTube have 'em up and running, so I'll link to them.

Thanks in advance to whoever.

Right, all that said, we're technically only half-way through the opening sequence to Final Fantasy IX, so let's carry on!

Right. Not gonna lie. I think the ship has seen better days...

If by 'interesting' you mean 'put everyone in mortal peril', then yes!

Which, going by RPG Cliche Law, means we'll be the first to.

MORE LIKE BURNT TOAST

... Sorry.

I guess she got crushed by the ship. Oh well, shit sucks, what's for dinner?

Cinna, I'm surprised you're still ugly!

No, wait, no I'm not.

And here's the introduction of ATEs (kupo). Basically, they're little, mostly-optional, skits that show you what characters that currently aren't on screen are getting up to. Due to the optionality of them, they're pointless, but a lot of them contain some very cute moments, and it's nice to see what certain people are up to when you're not bugging them.

I bet most men wish for the survival of their 'cymbals'.

"I dunno about that. Remember that one time we walked in on Baku, and he was wearing leather drag? I still wake up crying blood every now and again..."

Thank you, game.

Several Botswana lepers doing a recital of river-dance while on penny farthers.

How the hell should I know?!

Somehow I don't think a plant understands English, Steiner, but thanks for playing!

*shooooooooom~*

I'm really more of an electronica kind of guy, myself.

Clearly Steiner cannot harness the awesome power of Text Box Reading as we can.

Trance is pretty much IX's equivalent to Limit Breaks. The only major difference being that Trance will activate the second the LB bar is full. You don't to hold off on it for later use, when it's ready to go it damn well goes. This a major pain in the arse, especially when Trance activates just before a boss battle or something, but it makes up for that by being an incredibly powerful/useful tool.

Which generally makes having to waste it all more painful, but y'know.

BAM!

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

... How could you possibly know that?

It probably just took her off to be eaten or something!

O SHI

Boss Battle #2, except this time Vivi is here to be awesome and actually help!

You do have to occasionally throw him a Potion as the plant drains his life, but his Fire spells kill this thing quickly enough.

o noes! Steiner and Vivi have been poisoned by the poisonous poison of poisony poison!

Oh, shut up.

You know, this game seems to be doing its damnedest to kill off everyone...

Awesome, I know!

hawt

Mmmm, I could go for some beef-jerky, actually.

Let's throw Cinna out there and come back in an hour for some dinner, eh?

Vivi does not like the medicines...

... while Steiner does. Ho-ho! Outrageous!

Okey-dokey!

Wait, what am I meant to be forgettin--Ohhhhhh, I get it now. Very sneaky.

All the more reason we should leave this shit-stain on the paper that is the world.

Take 'em with us! We're bound to get hungry at some point.

There's alcohol outside? Holy shit, even more reason to leave!

JUST A BOX?!

Well, yes, a crashed airship does tend to have a few dings in the ol' hull.

Now's not the time for Squall imitations, Steiner. Now is the time for action!

"THE LACK OF VISIBLE FIRE OR SMOKE JUST MAKES IT EVEN MORE DANGEROUS!"

Marcus' inflatable doll. I... I wouldn't touch that, if I were you.

"... 'Made in China', ..... Huh."

Oh, no, no, please don't tell me that he actually....

. . . .

WHY does Cinna need a doll representation of a 15 (now barely 16) year old girl in order to get to sleep?!

You disgust me.

No, they call it the Evil Forest because it dispenses cuddles, lollipops and kittens at every opportunity.

Go crawl your broken torso over to the corner and think about how stupid you are, mister!

Okey-dokey.

... Do I need to buy him dinner first?

Please don't act borderline-condescending to the mage who can melt your face off, Zidane.

.... That's slightly better.

And now you're implying he's ugly.

You're not very good at this 'talking to people' thing, are you?

This is assuming your entirely baseless hunch on how that stupid plant is somehow a 'minion' is correct, and Garnet currently isn't a pile of bones being shot out of the darn thing's rectum, deep in the forest.

And reality finally kicks in.

And then Zidane has this quasi-romantic flashback.

Because the connection between the two is so deep to warrant this... 45 minutes into the game.

So much for that 'to hell with looks' thing, eh Zidane?

Two-faced asshole.

Here I am indeed, left side of the screen. What's up?

Because someone has to be designated the role in an RPG, silly.

"Yes, go talk to the person who I just said is going to kill you. That is the logical thing to do!"

High-five!

I thought Zidane was meant to come down here to tell Baku he was leaving, but Baku apparently already knows. So... Baku decided to sit down here anyway and wait for Zidane to show up and explain to him something he already knew?

How the hell does anything ever get done around here?

Sounds kinda weird, when you put it like that.

Or anyway else, really.

Everyone in this game is an ephebophile.

I can get why Zidane would like her, since he's roughly the same age, but c'mon everyone else. SHE'S BARELY 16, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Here's the strategy to kill Baku, or anyone else on Disc 1.

Steal -> Steal -> Steal -> Steal -> Potion -> Attack -> Attack -> Attack -> WIN

"Allow me to congratulate you on winning the fight by attacking you. As is my custom!"

Baku likes to not use his power until he's already lost the battle. THIS MAKES SENSE.

Yes, the person leaving the forest full of deadly, poisonous creatures is the crazy one!

"Unless it's an inflatable one. Like, this one time, my friend Marcus ordered a...."

"THEY'RE NOT DOLLS THEY'RE ACTION FIGURES!!!"

Overwhelmed... in your pants?

Hell, everyone else seems to be, so I'm just makin' sure.

Pffchk...

Excuse me a second.

ADELBERT?! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What kind of stupid name is that?!

*snicker* Adelbert...

"With my reproductive organs."

*chortle*

Ah, yet another student from the Squally Academy of Extreme Indifference.

Well, I wasn't about to let the most adorable member of the cast sit here and get attacked by monsters.

Let's go see him!

You know.... Adelbert, you could just say, "We're getting out of this terrible place. Wanna come with?"

Or that.

That also works.

If it involves trying to make the world's largest supply of flaming vodka, I'm way ahead of you, buddy!

... Okay, the less I hear about Steiner's 'Magic Sword', the better.

Sweet, I broke his brain!

He's the only one in this game that's age-appropriate to. Why is everyone making a big deal about this?

Hah! I like Blank. He has the right attitude for this sort of shit.

I sat here for a good five minutes trying to think of some halfway witty retort.

Does suddenly getting the urge to bitchslap a character upside the head for saying such a retarded thing count?

Thankfully the game moves away from... that line, and gives us a quick little explanation on Abilities. Unlike Final Fantasy VIII's kinda fun, but completely broken Junctioning system, the Ability system in IX is actually very cool. Basically, whenever you equip an item, you can use and put AP (won by killing things real good) towards an ability. When you've gained, say, 40/40 AP, the ability can now be used even if you take that weapon/armour off. So, y'know, it's permanently learnt now.

However, even if you learn every ability, you can only equip a certain amount. So you have to be careful with what you choose, and plan accordingly for what you're facing/about to face.

It's a fun system!

Why can't Blank be in my party, damn it?!

IT'S A RUINED AIRSHIP IN THE MIDDLE OF A POISONOUS FOREST STOP ACTING LIKE ITS A HOUSE

What is wrong with these people?!

Here's a cute little Easter Egg/Reference.

If you select the ATE on the same screen you fought the plant monster thingy, this cute little event will play where the band aboard the Prima Vista will start blaring out Rufus' Opening Ceremony, from Final Fantasy VII.

Here it is, for reference.

BRRRRUUUUUM!

Also, as a note, maybe it's just me, but Final Fantasy IX seems to have the highest random encounter rate of the PSX games. I mean, I'm glad the battles are there, since I get needed shinies, and I can use Steal a lot (which becomes very important for an ability later), but... yeah, there's a lot of the darn things!

No, Vivi, that's a giant monstrous flower.

Though it does have a vaguely genital-like appearance OMGSYMBOLISM

Again, how can he possibly know that?

I think Alexandria is disgraced already by having the vomited up remains of a retarded elephant as their leader, but what do I know?

You know what? He probably could, actually!

This is the first 'Shit Just Got Real, Yo' boss battle in the game. His tentacle attacks aren't anything to note about, but he does have a very deadly Thunder attack that can KO someone in one or two goes if you're unlucky. The Silk armour the game's been giving you is very useful for this fight, as it reduces Thunder damage.

Not that it's really needed, as while Zidane stole stuff, it only took one Fire Sword (Steiner ability he can only use if Vivi is in the party) and one Fire Spell for...

Blank to show up!

Then one more hit and the silly plant went bye-bye.

"Oh, I fully intend to ;)"

Okay, yeah, this just seems a tad wrong now.

THIS GAME IS WARPING MY FRAGILE LITTLE MIND

SUDDENLY! MONSTERS :O

Smartest thing I've heard all game. Let's mosey the fuck out of here!

"Monsters. Forest. Evil. RUN!"

Yes, that would be all the monsters following us. This is an excellent reason to be goddamn running right now!

NO SHIT IDIOT RUN

Poor Blank ;;

Cool FMV, though!

If not, well, hey, at least you guys won't go hungry tonight!

... What?

I think she's well aware of her title by now, Steiner.

No, you flew here on your magical, invisible flying unicycle that's powered by pony farts and ice-cream.

Really? Ya don't say.

Actually, fartnugget, it was Steiner and Vivi that saved the day. You just stole shit for future use.

Okay, I really don't want to hear about her snatch, alright?

INCONCEIVABLE

Or you could just, ya'know, ask her.

"Oh, we'll have the bestest time! We'll have camp songs, horror stories, attacks from abominations crawling out of the darkness.. It'll be ever so swell~!"

Considering it's never been mentioned thus-far? Nope!

I suspect I'm about to be told about it, though.

Basically, it creates random encounters.

The fucker!

Knock yourself out, big guy.

Yup. It's a big fucking tree, alright!

.......... Why?

That doesn't answer the question, damn it!

Oh yeah, because the current track-record for that has been going so gosh-darn well, hasn't it?

IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US, NED

Except yourself, obviously.

Who the hell is Mogster? A... Are you Mogste-

Oh, right, it's an ATE. Gotcha.

Unlike VIII's tutorials, which were thrown at you roughly... every 22.4 seconds at the beginning of VIII, IX throws about 3 at you, but lets you either skip them entirely, or pick what particular element of the game you want explained. This is much, much better.

Although having Quistis there was a perk, of sorts.

Mogster is also an arrogant prick.

And for my not!troubles, I get an item. Score!

ie: This is how you save on the World Map.

*smack* HEY WAKE UP ADELBERT YOU PONCE!

Certainly not the plot.

Oh, Steiner~! You so cray-zeh!

Welp, this is Final Fantasy IX's world map.

Unlike VIII, which actually had a pretty awesome world map, what with the roads and trains taking you to most places, in IX it's just the standard ol' grassy plains and forests. And with no way in the game (at least as far as I know) to avoid random encounters, it means there's a whole lot of battling ahead!

It also doesn't help that the random encounter rate seems to go up in direct proportion to how much you want to reach the next destination without fighting anything.