Final Fantasy VIII - Part Ten
Posted on 11/18/2010 by Trambapoline
I'm still enjoying the game quite a bit. I think it's much more for the overall design and atmosphere of the world, rather than, say, the story (though it's pretty good so far). Not really much else to comment on other than that. Wasn't reading this just exciting?
Let's drive right in!
Right! Let's see if Garden's faring okay.
Oh, hey, cool. Maybe they also know about the missiles and are planning to evacu-
Oh-kay, nevermind!
I'm just go over... away now, and be... away.
Depends. Which side supplies the Garden with Tim-Tams?
I'm really more of a Team Jacob kind of guy. He's so dreamy~
Welcome to the world of Final Fantasy VIII, Squall.
I only swear my allegiance to delicious chocolate biscuits!
Note: Throughout the section I'll be encountering random battles every five seconds.
So if I seem slightly agitated, well.. now you'll know why.
HAHAHA REBELZ
The question that's always asked at the start of any VIII set-piece: "What?"
Like cattle? Or, like, with little tiny fliers promising that there'd be a party in the Garden Furnace?
INDEED.
Dunno, dunno, annnnnnnnnnnnd.... dunno.
I wish I could be surprised.
"I do not care for the current series of events at all! I'm calling management!"
"Though given that the Error Ratio is percentage based, and depending on how high it is, they'll either land here, or anywhere else in the Universe."
Ah, that's still amusing. I like Fujin.
"This is the time for heavy drinking!"
"I'm sure he's not in his office or anything, so instead we'll waste precious time exploring everywhere else."
THANKS.
Then what are you doing here?
Hell, last time we met them they said they were heading to Galbadia/Deling City to look for Seifer. He was standing in the middle of the huge-arse parade that was taking place the same night. Seems like he'd be pretty hard to miss!
No time to worry about that, however. We get to play the fun game of Run Around the Entirety of Garden For Absolutely No Reason, Except the Story Demands We Do.
Thanks, Eagle-Eye.
Running~!
AHHH THE VOICE OF GAWD HAS RETURNED
Then you're completely worthless to me.
Later, bitches!
Nice to meet you as well, assface!
Oh shit, this could be bad!
A CHATTERPILLAR?
I've seen forums on GameFAQs that'd do more damage to me!
Didn't even last a single attack.
How in the world are these things causing chaos in Garden? Shittiest training facility ever!
Moving swiftly on!
Huh. I guess he really wasn't in his office. Well, thats kinda cool.
Well, sir, we..
... How would you even go about making a Cid Hologram on such short notice? Or do they just have a stack of them lying around in a closet somewhere, just in case of an emergency?
"Shit! There's a bloody and chaotic battle raging across the Garden! Jenkins, I need you to get the men together, figure out a counter-attack strategy AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE SURE YOU DISPENSE THE CID HOLOGRAMS EVERYWHERE, WHATEVER YOU DO!"
XU!
Who?
No, she hit the multi-directional button and flew out of the chocolate factory with it!
Damn it! Where's Cocaine/Card Man when you need him?
Whichever side has the least stupid people.
I'm still weighing my options.
Certainly not in his office, that's for sure! That'd be the first place any sensible person would look.
Speaking of...
Here they come~!
... Why do the missiles have eyes?
"No, the other massive training facility on Balamb Island, you idiot!"
Well, I guess it could be pretty well defended. Let's go see!
How stupid are those NORG guys?! All you'd literally have to do is poke your head through the door to see if he was inside his office. You know, the area he spends 99.9% of his time in!
Jesus, they're thick...
"Man, you guys fucked up big time, huh?'
Uhhhh, you do realize there are Galbadian Missiles heading towards Garden at great speed, right Squall? You know, that's the reason you came here. I think that's a touch higher priority than "OMG WE DIDNT GET TIMBERS INDEPENDENCE AND WE FAILED TO KILL THE SORCERESS"
Considering the missiles and all, I'm sure the man's deduced the second one.
Oh, and also...
WHY DO THE MISSILES HAVE EYES?!
"Break out the Shnapps and usher in the most explosive early retirement ever!"
"We were going to call it Home, but the Al Bhed lawyers got mighty angry at us."
As long as it doesn't involve a Pet Pals magazine, knock yourself out, big guy.
"But that's the only thing of yours I'll 'handle'!"
Hah. I like it when characters are just as jaded as I am.
Then shouldn't we just hide people in the shelter? Stands to reason it's still underneath Garden.
You're the founder and Headmaster of Garden. Isn't 'supposed secret level underneath the entire facility' something you should've at least looked into?
BUT YOU'RE THE HEADMASTER OF TH--
Ah, screw it.
BUT... BUT...
I always make sure I'm prepared before I go down, baby.
MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY
Oh, great. Now the elevator down to a level that may or may not exist is stuck.
We'll be here for hours! If not even longe-
Oh. Disregard.
"DON'T LOOK AT MY BUTT"
"THIS IS THE OBVIOUS WEAK-SPOT OF THE NEXT BOSS. DID YOU CATCH THAT?!?!"
Aw, now Squall can give his own extended and pointless tutorials.
Quistis should be very proud! The student has become the master. Except the master is no longer a master, and is now a student. So the student has become what another student used to be, befor..
AHHHHHHHHH MISSILES
My fingers scream in panic whenever this section pops up on a playthrough.
But Squall and Quistis manage to get it done, while Irvine stands around like an unhelpful wank-bucket.
INTO THE ABYSS
Except for the ladder right next to you.
Because you've had so much choice in what direction you've gone all the time you've been down here?
UP. AS TENDS TO BE THE CASE WITH LADDERS.
IT'S. A. LADDER.
Jesus, there's no reason to have an existential crisis over it. Just climb the fucker!
... Why?
Whatever. At least we're finally going up the stupid thing.
Man, this thing goes up quite a ways, doesn't it?
o shi-
"OW FUCK JESUS OW CRAP"
Open the gate to Hades, Squall!
What else is there to possibly do up here?
Clearly this is the cursed Ladder of Doubt.
Golly, I'll say, Irvine. That was just the most gosh-darn exciting thing that's happened to me all morrow!
"(Why is this my life?)"
We got work to do, indeed!
Oh, well doesn't this just look inviting?
WHY DO THE MISSILES HAVE EYES?!
Actually, the two Oilboyles here are widely regarded as one of the toughest battles in the game, if you're not perfectly set up for them. Even with Fire junctioned to Elemental Attack (as well as Ifrit), they do so much damage that I had to keep retrying this battle until I went, "Fuck it", turned all my Wizard Stones into Firagas and just nuked the bastards to death.
So yes, to win you basically have to kill them with fire.
Further and further into the tomb of secrets.
WARDOG SQUADRON THIS IS THUNDERHEAD JUST WEAVE THROUGH THE MISSILES HURR
Again, thanks, Eagle-Eye.
"We pull out our dazzle shoes and Morris Dance our way into the history books!"
"Yes, I passed my course in 'Giant Freaky Enigmatic Mechanical Constructs Underneath Garden' with flying colours! You mean you didn't?!"
THE GARDEN HAVE STARTED TO MOVE
Despite it making no sense and basically being a gigantic arse-pull on the part of the writers and planners, I have to say that I actually really love this sequence of FMVs. It's really damn shiny, and.. well, is just quite cool. Though if you start to try and figure out how such a thing is even possible you'll be in tears within minutes.
Kinda silly, isn't it?
Nobody told me this game's story would mostly make no sense, so just go with the flow, man.
Well isn't that just purty?
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY LANGUAGE?
How about on the Triple? I've got a few of those Junctioned as well.
"FUCKING WINDOWS VISTA"
Call technical support!
"Ctrl, Alt, Delete this, motherfucker!"
SUCK IT, SMALL-BOAT FAGS
THE OVER-COMPENSATOR HAS ARRIVED
"Namely that giant crater we left. Boy this that going to be hard to explain to the Balamb council!"
To Pirate Treasure Island!
"And then we'll sail the seas as the world's most kickass pirate ship! We'll murder, plunder and pillage everything we see! Truly, we will be the kings of the ocean. Look out, Poseidon, as there's a new bitch on the block!"
ARRRRR MATEY
