Working as Intended

Ah, yet another entry. For a game I found myself.. not really disliking, but becoming more apathetic towards over time, I've forgotten how fun it really can be. It's certainly far from perfect, and half the cast pisses me off on more than one occasion, but, hey, that just adds to the wacky fun I can make with these posts.

I wasn't sure what my plan was for this entry, so I asked some friends. The general opinion was that I either stop just before reaching the fetch-quest, or after. I know in the grand scheme of things, Figuring Out Where a Let's Play Ends is right down there with Discussing Brands of Socks in terms of 'Who Honestly Gives a Shit?', but I'm still tryin' to figure out how long these things oughta be.

As far as I can tell, longer is better. Especially when all you have to work with is mostly dull filler. Blergh.








Right, so we're on our way to Galbadia Gar-... Sorry, [Galbadia Garden].

But before we do that, we have some Junctioning to get into again.




As I mentioned in an earlier post, Drawing spells is incredibly friggin' tedious. There's another way around that, thank Christ. What you do is teach your GF's refining abilities, which will allow them to convert items into Magic. And if you get the Card Mod ability, you can turn cards into items, and then into spells.

While you still have to Draw a lot at this stage in the game, refining is still a great way to save time.




See? Super-Buff now!

Except for poor Selphie, but that's because my GF for her is still trying to learn the Junction HP ability.




The last bit on the ol' agenda is to.. ugh... Draw spells.

Thankfully not many, as I just need some Floats for a battle in the near-future~




Right. Off we go, chaps!




Well, isn't that just the bee's knees?




How would that be any different to when we were just broadcast to the world after the President was attacked?




Oh, shut up, Zell.




You're goddamn right it is!




He said we would, didn't he? He doesn't seem like the guy that would say that for shits and giggles.




And I'd have taken any of them on this mission instead of you!




A perfectly logical answer.




Which, of course, pisses off Rinoa.

And yes, I do like to think I'm a pretty spiffy leader, so shut your damn gob.




YES.




What Zell wants is a fist upside his head.




Selphie and Quistis? Sure. You and Zell can kindly go take a short walk off a get the fuck out of here.




That's rich coming from the person who needed three different plans just to reach a TV station.




'atta boy, Squall.




Oh, great. Now you've busted his eardrums! I hope you're happy.




And now the only three likable characters are dead.

If I have to continue this game just as Rinoa and Zell, I think I might honestly just have to kill myself.




Anywhere's better than here, right?




And we're back with Laguna and company. Yay!

Except that this is by far the shortest little session we have with them. I went through it in under ten minutes, random battles included. Boo!




WHOOPSIE-DAISY




I honestly have no idea where this dream takes place, but it looks like a funky little mine/facility.




O NOES




One of the great battle-cries of our generation!




Ward honestly has the best damn weapon in the game. If not in any JRPG.

He just stands there, chillin', then when he feels like it he throws a goddamn HARPOON at the enemy!

That's awesome!




Why? Ward could, like, impale ten of the bastards with one throw!




Ah well, whatever.




:D




One of the best lines in this game.




D:




And we've already reached the end of the trip. What a rip-off!

I don't want to go back to Slutsy McSkankenwhore and Chicken-wuss...




Another stirring battle cry!




This is what an Esthar Soldier looks like, for the curious.




This one decides to be complete HAX and reduce both Kiros and Ward's HP to 1, before dying.




"And it's only a nigh-fatal several hundred miles down too! Oh, happy day."




What is it with awesome FF characters and their obsession with luck (and usually the Lady)?

Laguna, Balthier, one of the cooler FFX-2 dress-spheres, Fang..




Oh, sure, mute one of the better characters, but keep Zell and Rinoa's throats undamaged! Jerks...




I can't tell if he's trying to say something heartwarming, of something very vulgar.




Like, cha, seriously!




.... Do I even want to know what that is?




"THE OCEAN HAS WATER IN IT, YOU GUYS."




Not wanting the Cuchi-Cuchi treatment, Kiros decides to spontaneously fling himself off the cliff.




And Laguna pushes Ward off because... I'unno. Some stupid reason, I'm sure.




That doesn't even make sense, Laguna.

You'll be fine as long you don't try it, I guess.




WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?




Ah, crap. Back to the world of the Suck..




"No, actually. Instead we were teleported into the minds of three down-trodden, but aspiring one-legged minstrels, as they hopped and sang their way across the meadows of days gone b-WHAT DO YOU THINK?!"

Can we go back to the bit where Zell wasn't talking? That was amazing.




Well, we're in no particular rush to get to Galbadia, so... shit, why not? It'd be a good idea to sit down and discuss what's going on. Especially since it's happened twice now, so they can try and see if there might be the faint glimpses of a pattern emerging.



WHAT? NO YOU WOULDN'T!




Oh, you son of a....




'Fun' fact. I only discovered this after I got into a random battle (of course), but Quistis and Selphie retain the HP damage of Soul Crush. Yet they keep their voices intact. Not entire sure how that works, or even how they can get damaged themselves, considering they weren't in their own bodies.

I'd complain more, but then I realized that if it did carry over, I'd only have Zell and Rinoa talking from now on. And that's so sad I think I'm about to cry blood at the sheer thought of it.




Hehehehehehehehehe.




Finally! After... well, not that long a walk at all, really, we've reached Galbadia Garden!




Dude! Why doesn't Balamb Garden get giant jetpack mech suits? That's awesome!




I mean, sure their Garden looks like a scaly and rotten puddle of jelly. But, damn, jetpacks~!




Yeah, they heard you were coming in advance and wisely evacuated.




Rinoa starts laughing because.. Squall liking something is hilarious, apparently.




I just bet you do. Wink.




Bitchyness aside, I still like Rinoa slightly more than Zell at the moment.




Hey, Kettle? Pot called. He says you're a retard.




Aw yeah.




"SHIVA? WHY THAT'S THE MOST POWERFUL CARD IN ALL OF DUEL MONSTERS!"




Nonsense. You're never too old to play a children's card game!




I like to think that as I was running around, that voice over the intercom was getting increasingly pissed off at me each time it had to repeat itself.




But I can't explore all of the G-Crib at the moment, so it's time to find the stupid reception room.




Zell? You've been here for all of five seconds. Shut up.




"Horribly. Bastard didn't even buy me dinner!"




I don't see why, as most of this is still Zell's goddamn fault.




OH NO!!

THIS MEANS.... what, exactly? What was the sentence?




Where the fuck did you draw that conclusion from?




Ahhhh, I see. Going down the, "It's all about me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, ME!" route.




Hey, points for honesty.

At least Quistis isn't like those jerkoffs who absolutely detests someone, but then goes, "NO HE WAS ONE OF US MAN!!" just because he wants some positive attention.




Like this. Shut up, Zell.




You couldn't even take a Level 4 monster, much less the world.




There's no proof of this. You're not going to listen to something that was said by fucking Rinoa, are you?




Well they like you more than him, so I'm sure there will be nicer things to say.




Well.... yeah.




What.




u mad




Hahahaha.

Dude, just chill the fuck out already.




"OH NO SOMEONE MIGHT SAY 'WAS' IN REFERENCE TO ME!!!"

Jesus Christ, that's one of the wussiest shitstorms I've ever seen.




Well, at least it gives Squall time to think things ove-WHAT THE HELL IS ZELL DOING HERE?

Isn't he... upstairs... and the... with... the... WHAT?




Really, it's my own fault for expecting any form of sense to come out of that vomit-hole of his.




BECAUSE PERVERTS ARE FUNNY

RIGHT?

... Right?




How about I give you some kicks in the teeth. How does that sound?




"'sup, dawg"




Oh, shit. What does he want now? I think after fighting THE DEVIL in a jar he gave to me, and then having to put up with both Zell and Rinoa, I've suffered enough, thank you very much!




DUNNO.




"And by 'believe' I mean, 'really fucking hope'. ALSO DON'T SAY 'WAS', WHATEVER YOU DO!!"




SLANDER.




I can't imagine an execution is particularly for most people, but whatever.




OKAY.




What the hell kind of expression is 'O'What...!'?

Fujin, could you please kick him again?

No?

Well, fine, I'm outta here!




But I've already met you.

I wouldn't say no to doing that again, however.




It's like he's trying to not make any fucking sense!




Go fight and then be chased by a giant mechanical spider and then we'll talk.

And Selphie seems to be checking her shoes again as the Galbadian Headmaster approaches. Must be looking for signs of incoming Bullshit.




Blah, blah, Galbadia bad, blah, blah, Sorceress, blah, blah...




OF COURSE.




Well considering that Garden is part of the world, I kinda figured that was a given.




Pfft! Like that'll ever happen!




"So, you know, no pressure of anything!"




"Nobody here likes being a insta-killing, spawn-camping, cowardly retard."




"By the way, it turns out he's never truly shot at anything. So.. uh.. yeah, have fun with that!"




I KNEW IT. THE SNIPER IS A BUTTERFLY. IT'S ALL SO OBVIOUS NOW.



Long, flowing ponytail. Obvious mascara around the eyes, and he's wearing a cowboy outfit.

Yeah, there's no way he's straight.




Well, shit, and here I figured this whole saving the world thing was a 'do your best' kind of affair.




Considering we've never had an ordinary mission, I wasn't expecting one to pop up now.




"Roll Zell up in some carpet and throw him off a bridge!"




DUN DUN DUNNNNNN




Do I sense a road trip?




1) Get bullet.
2) Put bullet into Sorceresses' head or torso with great velocity.
3) Pray she doesn't have a Cure spell.
4) ????
5) Wake up in Centra Ruins without any pants, and next to a male trick named Raging Keith.




My plan was to boot Zell/Rinoa out of the party as soon as I could, but if you let Irvine choose, then the following scene takes place.




That's pretty damn funny.




Now that we have all our major party members, I was tossing up between going with Irvine/Squall/Quistis, or Selphie/Squall/Quistis. A friend told me that Irvine is quite the weenie during the first disc of the game, so, for my own sanity, I should stick him with Zell and Rinoa whenever possible.

Also, I have to say that I kinda like how all the characters come together in this game. Four of them are established very early on, and are there for the same reasons (they're all in the same school, and really only meet when they're put into the same squad), with the exception of Quistis. But she's Squall's teacher, so go figure. Even Rinoa and Irvine are met through pretty darn reasonable circumstances, instead of the usual RPG affair, where people happen to meet up under the most oh-so convenient timing and reasons ever written.

Of course, a certain plot point later will essentially ruin this, but for now I like it!




Damn right we will. We're rolling in money!

Possibly enough to even go 'maggot' with!




Yeah, I'm glad he's not in my party now.




THIS TOPIC SUCKS AND IS NOW ABOUT TRAINS.




CHOOOOOO!!




Why don't I like the way you say servic-OH GOD WHERE'S ZELL?!




Huh. I guess the Gay Pride parade is in town today. Neat!




BEEP BEEP OUT OF MY WAY I'M A MOTORIST




Cool! We found the place.




WHAT. WHY THE HELL NOT?




Exactly. You tell 'im!




"Uh, hello? Both Galbadia and Balamb Gardens specifically ordered us to do this task. This task that is vitally important to the security of the entire world, and where time is of the utmost urgency. I think Caraway has a nice, steaming bowl of Fuck You, Let Us In waiting for him!"




No, y'see, the problem is that YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.




.... You're not going to listen, are you?

Fine, we'll do this stupid thing. But we if we do, we're going to do it...




Road-Trip, style. Hell yeah!

Crank up the radio!




"WE'RE WHALERS ON THE MO-"




Nevermind. Screw it.

We're here.




Okay, clearly the tomb has fried their brain-meats. No big, I'm sure we'll do much better!




Well that was easy.

Well, since we're here, let's go explore s'more, shall we?




The issue with the Tomb of the Unknown King, is that it only really consists of four screens, and no landmarks what-so-ever. You have to know exactly where you're going, or you're going to get horribly lost very quickly.




So very, very lost..

Wait a minute, I think I see something.




What the hell is tha-




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




If you do manage to find your way around without becoming a vegetable out of sheer frustration, you get to fight this jerk.




The secret to killing him is just cast Float (GET IT NOW??) on him, which will cancel his Regen HP effect.

Except, of course, he has Life and Berserk on him. So I have to spend 20 minutes Drawing them. I'm so happy I believe I'll go stab myself in the neck with this rusty spoon!




Same goes for the second fight, where you have to fight his little brother.

You know what also helps?




EYE-BEAMS!




LIQUID?!




Well, the task was insultingly easy and required no real 'testing', but I got a new GF out of it and some spells. So... all in all it wasn't that bad. That said, let's get the balls out of here!




....


Where the fuck is my car?





Wait a minute...





!





OH GODDAMN YOU, YOU FUCK-KNUCKLES!