Working as Intended

Another super-long post!

Well, all of them have been super-long, but this one is more superer... er?

What generally happens is that I like to play through specific chunks of the story and keep them self-contained in a Part, to give everything a decent beginning and ending. Like dealing with the entirety of the Dollet invasion, or the train-ride leading to Timber, ect. Keeps things nice and self-contained, but it does mean some parts can go on like the dickens. Not that anyone's complained, but I just thought I'd explain how shit works around here, yo.

Right, let's get stuck into it!





I don't know why Zone told me to ask people if I get lost. It's a straight line and there are only two rooms.

I know I'm poor with directions, but even I'm not that stupid.




Well, this is it. Brace yourself, Squall!




"Yeah. Bet you didn't expect to see me again after you ditched me on the dance floor, did you?!"




"No, it means I'm a goddamn helicopter."




AHHHHHHHH GET OFF




Kinda gathered that.




Yeah, that's because you and this entire 'operation' you're running is a complete waste of time.




I knew Cid hated me!



I know of him.




You're.. kind of all of the place here, Rinoa.




I'm just as shocked as you are.




HURRR

Nah, not really. I'll regret not doing this in the future, but for now Rinoa's actually not that bad.




Here it comes. I know every single person names Rinoa's dog something dirty, but I can't resist.




But y'see, there's a good reason for it!

If by 'good' you mean 'funny'.




Yeah, I'm about as mature as a 12 year old right now.

Heh.

Heheh.




Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh...




Uhhhh... Yes?

Right, let's head back!




"You'll be spending 90% of the game in the Party Selection screen with him."




As opposed to a H.O Scale operation, or something.




"As doing absolutely nothing of importance, because this plot-point is almost immediately discarded in a bit!"




Yes.

Riveting.




He sure is!




Which is Deling City, if you remember Laguna's flashback.

The More You Know~!



God, I wish.




And this is why you guys suck!




I can't believe I'm about to agree with Zell, but yes, get to the bloody point.




Okay, so basically what happens here is that the plan involves leaping onto the president's train from the Owls one, running up and decoupling one the carriages so the Owl train can actually become a part of the president's train, then running back to the president's car, decoupling it, and driving off with it and Mr. Deling.

So, essentially, this plan revolves around the hope that:

1) Nobody hears or feels the carriages decoupling.
2) Nobody tries to walk between carriages, or open the door between, while the transfers are happening.
3) That the carriages that were decoupled will still be moving forward with enough momentum to 'catch up' with the main train after the fact. Despite that they'll have to cover more distance, due to the Owls stealing the president's carriage that's in the middle.
4) That nobody notices the incredibly obviously painted resistance train riding right alongside the president's train.
5) That no soldier walks two or three carriages in either direction and notices that everything is completely different at multiple points during this heist.

God, this is going to go so fucking well...




HAH.

Even Zell can get off a semi-decent burn. Who knew?




Well, I had more, but sure.




I don't pretend to understand any of this shit.

Let's do it!




Hey, thanks!




I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THERE'S TOO MUCH WIND.




WHEEEE~




Stage #1 of the World's Most Improbable Plan goes off surprisingly well.




And Stage #2!

Despite how.. completely stupid the entire idea behind this is (Good lord is that moon huge!) I have to say that the whole train heist sequence is actually pretty fun. But, as said, it does require every single Galbadian soldier and officer on board being deaf, blind and retarded.



Want s'more chaff stick after you're done kissing my arse?




I think Zone might be pregnant.




That sounds about a hundred times dirtier than it has as right to.




"HAY THERE'S A BOSS BATTLE COMING UP DID YOU GET THAT?! BOSSSSS BAAAATTLE!"




I'm sure he knows his own name.




Terribly convincing. Try it again without the nervous pauses.




"*Gasp* Someone didn't immediately comply with my nervous threat? Impossible!"




"I left my spine back in the other carriage!"




And what a body!

Sorry.




I like this guy.




But it turns out he's a zombie.

Apparently the government hires morphing zombies with a fatal weakness to commonly-obtained Phoenix Downs as presidential body doubles. Who knew?




GRABBIN' PEELS!




Well that was anti-climatic.




Trust me, I can.




It turns out you guys have absolutely no idea what you're doing.

Oh, wait, you said new information.




"It turns out somebody in town bought some brownies, and he just had to get in on that shit!"




Or that.




No, I'm sure it's completely unrelated!




Yeah, because your last one went so well.




An excellent question.




Again, excellent question.

Though shouldn't they have checked that before they left?




Zone apparently employs the Caboose way of plan devising.




Oh god no.




This facepalming animation needs to be used pretty much every time somebody says anything in this chapter.

Now where's the dang contract, woman!




"Oh, how about that. It says that Zell should shut his fat gob until I can read the bloody thing! What are the odds?"




Until Timber's Independence?!

Well, shit, Squall. You're pretty much screwed for life.




Could be worse. SE's MMO devision could've written it.




What kind of stupid-arse logic is that?

Especially when they get their money from randomly walking about, and not from doing missions.

In fact, does Rinoa ever pay them? What a bitch!




The three least stupid people here.

Well, two. Someone's just going to have to be a third wheel.




That'll do.




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA




Then why tell me?

Aw, screw it. Let's just go to the stupid TV station.




As we'll see in a little bit, the TV station is by far the largest building in the entire damn city. So why is everyone acting as if it's some decrepit little shack out in the middle Buttfuck, Nowhere?




Poor Watts...

Anyway!




A-DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!




I.. never said you were.




Please go away.




There's something seriously wrong with you. Get help.




And the award for Most Useless Bit of NPC Information goes to... This Jerk!




We get a little insight into Squall's hobbies.




Aw yeah.




Poor Squall has to hold onto this for another two discs.

Which makes everything in between kind of amusing, knowing that all the while Squall is lugging around a pornographic book under the impression that it might come in handy at some point.

Anyway, that's all there is to this place. Let's go!




Huh?! What are you going on about?




What is this I don't even




You and me both, random arsehole in a bar!




I fully agree.




Drink on, kindred spirit~




Bgwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!




Finally, we're near the TV station!




I see our powers of deduction are at maximum today.




A TELEVISION. WE JUST ESTABLISHED THIS.




Thank you, Watts.




Um, you have noticed that your plans, you know, suck?




Apparently not, even though I've had no problems with these soldiers at any point in the past.




Squall and Selphie give out words of support and general encouragement.




Rinoa, however, decides to be a complete bitch.




I know that having to work with you is cruel and unusual punishment, but they were saying they supported you.



Yes, it's so easy that they have to leap from train-to-train, run from giant mechanical spiders and have to put up with Zell. Jesus, woman, what the fuck is your deal?




HAHAHA.

And Squall just completely redeems himself of any dipshittery in the past.




QQ MOAR RINHOA ;____________; :( :( :( :(




Can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually kinda welcome Zell coming back.

I'm pretty sure that's one of the signs of the impending apocalypse.




They starting, indeed.




On the tele' is a really long speech from President Deling. It's just going on about how this is, omg, the first broadcast in 17 years, and how he wants to bring fear peace to the world and whatnot.




DUN DUN DUNNNNNN?!

Also, who?




SHIT CUT THE RECORDING WHO KEEPS ON FILMING?!




Hotness! How the hell did they get here?




Um.. okay?




You're not an Instructor anymore, remember? You don't have that much authority.

But shit, I don't need to be told twice to ignore Rinoa's crap. We'll be there in a jiffy!




See? It's really friggin' huge! How could anyone miss it?!




One jiffy later~




The battle of the wits, ladies and gentlemen..




DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR




GOOD GOING ZELL YOU GODDAMN SHIT-FRIGATE.




"You guys will drown under the torrent of Level 5 generic henchmen. Mwahahahahahaha!"




Hey. I like the sound of that! Mr. Leader.




"I, Squall Leonhart, Mr. Leader, have an important announcement to the world!

Meow meow, meow-meow, meow meow, meow-meow, meow-meow, meow-meow-meow~"




Upon entering the next room, Seifer is swayed over the suddenly appearing (and disappearing) Sorceress. This is a Big Deal, but there's very little to comment on, aside from a description of what the fuck. Moving on!




"He heard you were coming and quickly escape with his new 'ho. Sorry."




Not. A single. Thing.




Music to my ears!

Well, it's been... an absolute horror knowing you, Mrs. McBitchington, but we've gotta bounce! We out.




Oh, fuck you.




Good. Yes. You take her!

Let's get the hell out of he-




....

Right. If I have to put up with her, let's get some alcohol going! I'm in the perfect place for it.




Probably because they don't want to be associated with you and your merry little group of wankers.




A phrase that will be muttered many-a-time before this game is over.




No. Piss off.




"They'll never think to look for you up there! Galbadian Soldiers are afraid of any stairs.


They're kinda stupid like that."




Daaamn, that's harsh, Selphie.




Later, on the second floo-OH MY GOD ZELL WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE CORNER?

WE HAVE TOILETS FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF, YOU BABOON!




He'll be given his own reality show at 8pm, where he searches the world for proper insults.




Or not, if Debbie Downer over here as anything to say about it.




Congratulations, Squall. That might be the most fucking QQ thing I've ever heard in my life.




Couldn't resist.



Hot damn, let's get the hell out of this shit-hole!




Both Zell and Rinoa are not talking to me? Holy fuck, this is awesome!

Can they always stay like this, please? Seriously.




We throw Zell off the nearest bridge, laugh, then head down to the local pub for some liquid therapy.




"Unless you're on a continent or landmass that doesn't have a Garden. In which case, you're fucked."




Cool beans.

Just don't give me a tutorial on how to get there, please.




Consisting only of awesome people!

Which means...




Get.




THE FUCK.




OUT.




Ah, much better~

Apparently there's no tickets available to get out of Timber anymore, but Zone is nice enough to supply some.




Let's make like a fetus and head out!




"NOOOO HE CAN'T HAVE IT THIS ONE IS MIIIIIINE! MINE!


I mean... er... shit, what did I say?"




Fuck yeah, I'm leaving him alone!

This is great.




CHOOOO-CHOOOOO!!