Working as Intended

Man, these things are just flying out, huh?

Many thanks for the kind words I've gotten from people about these things, both teh funnays and looking into the more serious aspects of the game. While the last post was.. well, very rage-fueled, I think that's one of two/three moments that I don't like in the game. I like the overall party/celebration aspect, as it's a nice way to show how things will escalate afterwards, but the characters just act so... blargh. Squall especially.

In any case, let us press onwards again!
I actually took these screenshots in the same playing session as Part Three, but I got so into the game I underestimated how many screenshots I needed to take, so I ended up with waaay too many. Also, since I mostly like the events that take part in this section, there's slightly less snark to go around. Sorry.

Hey, get back here!




So now that we've soundly defeated Diablos (or Diabolos, if you go by XI's retcon-ish spelling), we're off to do the first major assignment in the game. Though if Headmaster Cid gave us this fucker as a way of helping us, I wouldn't be surprised if the train was rigged to detonate the second it left Balamb..




"Why, thank you, mysterious and kinda unsettling NPC!"




I agree, this seems like a legitimate question.




You get an F in answering the question, but an A+ in foreshadowing!




Gladly. Piss off.




Why do I have to buy my own ticket? Isn't this the sort of thing that Garden should pay for its soldiers?

No, wait, Headmaster Cid hates me. Disregard.




HERE THEY COME! CLICKETY-CLACK DOWN THE TRACK





IT'S LOTS AND LOTS OF TRAINS!




It is kinda spiffy.




No shit? And here I figured it went off a several hundred foot ramp while on fire.




It's about fucking time you caught on.





So lemme get this straight. If we didn't open that door, then we wouldn't need a ticket, right? We just ran on with nobody wanting to check the darn thing. So instead of paying, we could just hang out in this little room at the back of the train?

Shit, that doesn't sound like a bad deal at all. Let's do that in the future!




IT BEGINS.




Looks like somebody found the porn collection.




That's as goddamn insane as it is adorable.

Also, it seems unusually bright for a tunnel..




AND WHY ARE THERE POWERLINES?

Ah, screw it. Who cares.




Finished already, Zell?




I know they do, but what you do in private is your own business, man.

Just don't tell me about it...





. . . .


There's something fucking wrong with you.




"They don't pay me enough to put up with your shit."





Squall and I are on the same wavelength.




HA!

I know I got mad at him last time for being a real prick, but here it's entirely justified. Go for it, Squall!







"I was wondering when that poison would finally kick in!"


"Wait... didn't I drink the punch as we-"




"Down I go!"




After passing out, we get to experience these three new guys running through a forest somewhere. They're Laguna, Kiros and Ward, just in case you can't read the bottom of the second image, because you're a weenie.

I have to say, despite all the shit I've given the characters/story in the main arc so far, I actually really like these guys and all the times we'll end up seeing them. Which isn't anywhere near enough, if you ask me! If they ever decide to go back to the VIII-verse, then a game where you play as these three would be all kinds of awesome in my book.

Also, the battle theme for these segments is The Man with the Machine Gun. I went over it back in my 200th post thingy, but it bares repeating. It's just a really awesome battle theme. One of my favorites, aside from Blinded by Light from Final Fantasy XIII.


Anycrap, back to the adventure and confusion!




Lots and lots of confusion, apparently?

Why don't these pop up in, like, every cutscene in Disc 3 onwards?




Subtle exposition, writers.




Oh, Laguna. You and your hijinks!




Isn't abandoning your post/position in a warzone, especially so you can head back home, grounds for a court-martial? Or at the very least a severe verbal abusing and possible demotion from a higher-up?




Oh well. Apparently Laguna doesn't give two shits.




"dun wry, its k"




You know what? Screw that court-martial risk. Let's get wasted!




Oh-ho-ho!




"That's Colonel Weenie, to you!"




Laguna tries, and fails, to become a traffic officer.




Nice to see that the stupid doesn't just restrict itself to Garden.




Again, someone had to write this in.




Let's!




Oh shush, Zell.




Again, something that would be handy to have pop up in Disc 3.




HAWT




"And by 'soon', I mean right now, behind you."




DO IT FAGGOT




There's so much wrong with you that's it's not funny.




I like it when the game does the commentary for me. Saves me the trouble!




I think when you've reach the point where you're practically dry-humping her while she's working, you don't have to worry about 'bothering' the poor woman.




"If your objective was to go from 0 to Idiot in the fastest time humanly possible."




Why do I even have to pretend I'm making jokes when the character are willing to do it for me?

Fuck it, I quit!




Okay! I think outside of the original Modern Warfare title, the Call of Duty series is a giant steaming pile of mediocrity, and I can't wait for the day where gamers, and especially the goddamn gaming sites alike proceed to get the hell over it.

Oh, wait. You were talking to Kiros, weren't you?

....

Well this is kind of awkward.




Good to know Laguna's in it for Julia's shining personality.




Kiros tries to teach Laguna the alphabet while they wait.




You may.




"'atta boy, Laguna! See? I taught him that!"




Aren't you meant to ask this after the disappointing one-night stand?




Oh snap, Laguna! Now's your chance.

Just don't fuck it up, like Squall!




Okay, that's pretty funny.





"(Huh? Julia? What's going on with that Julia?)"




"TO THE FRONT DESK!"




"Wait, no..."




"NOOOO WHERE IS IT?"





"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"




At long last, Laguna finds the front desk~




"Prepare yourself to DIE!"




Despite the game's main focus being on the completely unnatural Squall/Rinoa romance, I personally think that Laguna seems to be the one that gets the good scenes and character moments. We'll see/hear a few of them as we go along, and while they're still kinda silly, they're about a million times more interesting than the romance the game insists it focuses on.

Anyway!




WHOOPSIE-DAISY LAGUNA




Either way, it sounds kinda creepy.





"NOOOO YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO WAKE UP! HOW AM I GONNA GET THOSE KIDNEYS NOW?!"




This is like a role reversal of Twilight.

Except with likable and believable characters and not a thousand times as fucking creepy.




"KIROS YOU COCKBLOCKER I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN ARSE!"




And here endeth the dream.




A lumberjack's paradise.




"One PARTICULAR memeber of SeeD especially."




You dreamt you were Zell?




"Soooo much cooler then you two bozos!"




"No, in mine he was a morris dancer down at the local theat-OF COURSE HE WAS A SOLDIER."




DUN DUN DUNNNN




No, I disagree. We've still got time to discuss how the buggery all three of them managed to have the exact same dream under mysterious, apparently forced circumstances. Especially when it's possible that it might happen again soon. Say, during the mission? It could jeopardize the entire thing!




Oh god dammit




... I hate you.




My thoughts exactly.




HERE THEY CO-




.... Nevermind.




I decide to pick the wrong answer, because I'm rebellious like that. The poor man stammers for a bit and then runs off.

Fair enough. Next!




Well I haven't been a fan of the 4 seconds I've been in this town, but I have a good feeling about the next several thousand!




Shit! Is it too late to throw Zell out onto the track?




You nearly ran over the poor guy. The least you could do is form a proper sentence!




Oh well, that's life. I guess we'll be leaving then? Have fun with the perilous missions and all that junk!





Whaaa?

So three completely random, and not even in any sort of uniform, teenagers appear at the station to the city, say the completely wrong phrase to a secret question, and you're just going to go, "Fuck it, it's gotta be them. Let them into our headquarters"?

I'd say this is completely asinine, but it will actually explain a lot about these guys in the near future.




Even they think it's stupid.

And when Zell thinks you're stupid, then it's pretty much time you killed yourself.




Aw, he's like the Raditz Zell of their group~




Again, information you should've determined BEFORE letting them into your headquarters.

God, the government would had a field day if they knew how easy it was to go 'undercover' in this organization.




Hahahaha, even they don't like Zell.

Maybe I was too hard them. They seem like a bunch of okay guys!




CRY MOAR PLEX, Zell.

If you want people to like you and shake your hand then you should stop acting like a retard.




The left side of my face violently twiched when you said that. Is that normal?




"Question. Why don't you get her?"




"Better Question. Why don't they get her?"




Fuck that. I signed on to be a gopher!




"Ohhhhhh, my ovaries!"




Like you're one to talk..




See ya next time, folks!