Working as Intended

And lo, we begin part two of Fillerama! While a lot of FFX is very near and dear to my gaming heart, I honestly don't like many of its mini-games. The sidequests, like the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth, the Cactuar Hunting thing or Belgemine's fights are actually really enjoyable. It's the Blitzball, Butterfly dodging, lightning dodging and that goddamn Chocobo Racing that just drives me insane sometimes (ie: all the time, except when I win)! I guess this'd explain why we haven't any any quirky mini-games in the series since X, and the successors just focuses on optional fights and stuff.

Anywho, with the bad behind us, it's time to move onto the good stuff!












So many destinations, so little time....




First up on the agenda is tackling the Monster Arena! As I briefly went over in the last chapter, you can use specific equipment to capture fiends for this jerk, and he'll create optional and extremely tough bosses out of them. To unlock Mr. NTSC Ultimate Superboss, you need to fight every boss in this place. Now, that'd take about a billion boring screenshots, so I'll just get to the good stuff!




Sadly, poor Jormy doesn't get any love here either, as is instead just a Basilisk-type mob. Aw ; ;

Oh well. Time for the big guys~




First up, Shinryu!

Who, for some entirely unknown reason, is underwater. Huh.

This means that only Tidus, Rikku and Wakka can fight in this battle. Hastega and Quick Hit are your friends, and you should be able to take him out without too much trouble at 255 STR. His most problematic attacks are Eraser (which petrifies and shatters one person, even through Ribbon, but he'll stop using it once only one character is left swimming) and Shining, which does heavy non-elemental damage.

If you're fighting Shinryu you should have Blitz Ace for Tidus unlocked and Attack Reels for Wakka, which will do disturbingly high amounts of damage and should kill Shinny before he becomes too great a threat. The longer the battle goes, the higher the pain in the arse he becomes.

But, really, he's just the appetizer for...




Nemesis!

He's basically the VIII Omega Weapon of this game. He boasts 10,000,000 HP, and stats up the ying-yang.

He's one of those bosses that requires complete brute force, and knowledge of how to counter his trademark attack. Aside from that, you basically just hit him real good real fast. He's a High Arbitray Number boss. Though, in his defense, you do need a lot of numbers to topple him. I bet he's quite proud of that!




Not to mention he has a cute homage to an attack that Emerald WEAPON boasted in Final Fantasy VII.




Every 9/10/11th turn, he has a chance of firing off Armageddon, which is sort of like his version of Terra Break from VIII.





Armageddon frigging hurts.




Mwahahahahahaha!

Though this kind of raises a question. How exactly does the arena master make these creatures? Do... does he pair monsters up like that and then... oh god... he would have.... to... watch... OH GOD

Right.

I need some bleach, stat!




Woo-hoo!

Normally I'd be much more loud and happy about my victory, and while Nemesis is the toughest boss in the US version of FFX, owners of the Japanese Internation version, as well as the EU/AU release of the game have much, much, much bigger fish to fry! This is both a blessing and a curse, as while more content is always welcome, and was a nice bonus for PAL players who had to wait so long for X's release, a lot of these bosses block the way into towns, or well-traveled paths. So I've had to ignore one of my favorite sidequests up until now.




MR CID! SET A COURSE FOR RIGEL-7 MACALANIA FOREST!




As you may or may not remember, several entries ago we killed a giant blobby... water... thingy that dispersed viewable spheres to all corners of the globe. Only now can I finally find them all in the correct order. Huzzah!




Braska helpfully starts the video off which some much needed exposition~





And to the land of spells and fairies?




Sounds like me whenever I read FFXI Version Update notes...




Braska is seriously kissing up/borderline flirting with Jecht. I smell some sexual tension on this trip~!





r u srs??




Not that Jecht isn't awesome or anything, but why would you suddenly invite someone you just met to become your guardian? Then again, this is how Yuna met most of her guardians, so maybe it's a family thing.




Well, that was awfully easy to convince him!




"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!"




Ah, Auron, you'll soon learn that trying to inject sense into anything on Spira is a futile endeavour.




Sir, you forget yourself! *slap*





Uh, good for them?

What does this have to do with suddenly deciding to make Jecht a guardian?






So, you're creating a group of outcasts to defeat Sin, just so you can go, "Ha! I'll show you pricks by killing myself. Take that"? Well, I've heard less plausible things before. Let's get cracking!




Oh, yeah, that might help as well.




o lawd




Our next sphere and the first of the many new bosses lies waaaaaaaaaay back in Besaid.

Thank god for airship travel, otherwise this would've taken all day!




As you try to enter Besaid, this fudgepacker decides to call you out!




o shi-




Many low-level people come back to Besaid to make progress on a sidequest and instead get completely destroyed by Dark Valefor as they approach the town. While by far the weakest of the Dark Aeon superbosses, Valefor can still be pretty damn mean if you aren't properly prepared for him.

He's the only of the DA's, as far as I know, that can actually fire off his Overdrive without needing a full bar. HAX!




That said, since everyone is awesomely buffed now, Dark Valefor drops like a soap in a frisky prison shower.




"RUNNING LIKE A SPAZ IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN ESCAPE FROM THIS SITUATION!!!"




But enough about that dork and his over-sized parrot. We've got more movies to watch!




Oh, Jecht~




Sure, if you ignore the 'Sin can come by and destroy the puny thing with ease' aspect.





Uhhhhhh.... is that why you wanted her to become a summoner, like yourself?

That seems to be the direct opposite of avoiding this conflict!




What you do with a shoopuf's hole is your own damn business.




And for our troubles, Auron learns a new Overdrive! So, apparently he's powered by nostalgia?

Good to know!




While we're here, we may as well see how the fayth are dealing, yo.




Shiny!




Oh great, we've stumbled into the fayth equivalent of a goth LiveJournal poem.




A+++++ WOULD READ FROM AGAIN




That's great. Who the flying arse is Yu Yevon, exactly?




HEY! YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW AND ANSWER MY QUESTI-Ahhh, screw it.




Next up on our little re-tour of Spira, we find another sphere in the captain's room of a S.S Liki.

.... How the hell the crew didn't notice the blindingly obvious sphere on the ground I have no idea.





That would probably help on the journey to defeat Sin.

Just sayin'.




It's not like the ruins are going anyway, yes.




"Like my son. Why does everything I yell at start to cry! What the hell, right?"




And so we learn a little bit more about Yuna's family  




While the rubble town of Kilika has little to offer, as one'd expect, the temple should contain something neat!




It's probably worth noting, just for my sanity's sake, that in order to talk to the fayth I have to go through the goddamn Cloister of Trials yet again. Y'know, because they were so much fun the first time I did it! And, of course, it's been just long enough that I've entirely forgotten how to easy solve each one. Wonderful.




It eased his suffering? Is that why he destroyed it?

Maybe it was stress relief or something.




So he did become a real boy. I knew it!




Yeah, shit sucks. Anyway, NEXT!




Next stop, back to Luca~!

Thankfully, not for Blitzball. Drove myself insane getting the crap for Wakka's celestial weapon...




Our next sphere is right next to the locker room.

Again, how does nobody spot these things?




Nope. He was too busy filming the pretty bird.

Don't blame 'im.




Auron doesn't enjoy Blitzball. Another reason to like the guy!




Nope! Please refer to above comment.





Well, Jecht, you'll be pleased to hear that come Dissidia, Penelo will refer to you as a 'bronzed god'.




If you can call that playing, sure.




While Jecht is a rather neglectful father and a bit of a prick, this is kinda funny.




But then he has a bit of a cry near the boxes. You old softie!




The next entry in Braska's Funniest Home Videos is located on the Mi'ihen Oldroad.

I know the water blob caused these things to appear, but is there any reason why they show up in such weird places? Did the group just toss 'em over their shoulder like disposable cameras once they were done, or do they follow Dragon Ball logic and the spheres just scattered themselves all over the globe?




Oh well, no time for that now. The movie's starting!




Ah, Auron. Always a snarky delight!




This is why Auron laughed when Tidus said the same thing all those chapters ago!

It's fun to learn~  




And like any amateur movie, the camera spins around dizzily before anyone shuts it off.

Now that's realism.




Next stop, the Temple of Djose!

Which of course means I have to do the stupid lightning puzzle again. Argh!




Well, this better be worth i---




I DID NOT COME ALL THIS WAY JUST TO BE MOONED!!

HOW INCONSIDERATE

ME AND MY SCREENSHOTS ARE LEAVING

Also, why is your hat so awesome?




Right next to the platform for the RIDE ZEEEEE SHOOOPUFF?? is the next sphere. Score!




Blackmail, perhaps?




Hahaha.

I love Auron. Who wouldn't?




Ah, this would be that time Jecht was drunk!

I might have to be a bit more specific there...




"At least not until I get drunk again. What time is it? Holy shit! It's time for my vooooodka!"




Oh, you snarky bastard, you.





Uh... Jecht... you should probably know that shoopuf don't excrete milk. So.. what have you been drin---

OH GOD WHY





Well your kid isn't going to anyway, so you may as well keep downing the Daniels, man.




Ahhhh! So maybe that's why the spheres are all over the place. Jecht threw them away so there'd be no records!

Cunning.




Next up on the Whimsical Tour of Whimsicalness, the Thunder Plains!

In case that wasn't obvious somehow.




More realistic portrayal of home movies!




Poor Auron. Always gets stuck with the crap work.




I bet it's --and this is just a crazy notion-- but I bet it was lightning.

LE GASP




For some reason, Jecht screaming this from the background makes it all the funnier.




"Mooooooooom! You're not lookiiiiiiiiiing!"




And then Jecht suddenly gets hit by lightning.

Wacky hijinks, OR IN-GAME COMMENTARY ON HOW STUPID THE LIGHTNING DODGING MINI-GAME IS?!?!




Hahahaha

Seriously, how can anyone not like the guy?




And our quirky movie ends with Braska shaking his head and Auron laughing his arse off.

As all of them should.




Next up on our [insert silly name here] tour, Mushroom Rock Road!

Well, after I nearly bumped into another stupid Dark Aeon and had to run for my life. Oh, but they'll get theres!

They'll get theres....




Ah, it's Kinoc! Obviously this must be before he became a paranoid power-freak.

My powers of deduction are truly maximum.




Yeah, of the WEINER PATROL!




Auron's too cool to be a weenie.

Funny how that works.




LOLOLOLOL




And then they parted ways. Auron eventually died, became an unsent and roamed a dream city for 10 years before it was destroyed by the reanimation aeon corpse of his best friend, and Kinoc turned into a power-hungry paranoid freak and was eventually killed by a genocidal extremist smug guado bastard.

Life is stupid.




Even more running across the globe~!




Next on the To Do list is MACARENA TEMPLE

No, I'm not letting that one go. Just... why?




Unfortunately, like Besaid, we can't get into the temple proper because some pompous Yevonite jerksausage blocks our path with a Dark Aeon. Boo! Get a haircut!

Fortunately, like Besaid, I'm at Level Awesome and am totally prepared to kick its ass right back to... wherever the hell it is that Dark Aeons come from. New Jersey? I'm gonna say New Jersey.



Dark Shiva was, for me, the second hardest DA to fight. Her Heavenly Strike attack has en-Death on it, so you can kiss whoever gets hit by it goodbye. She's also the only enemy in the game, as far as I know, that uses Quick Hit. Which means the amount of turns she has on the bar on the right is a complete lie, as when you use Quick Hit, you're allowed more and more turns in an instant. Hence the name.

Oh, and Diamond Dust can do upwards of 80,000+ damage. T--That's also bad.

But, thankfully, Shiva has rather low HP, so she can, and should, be defeated as quickly as humanly possible.




One more down. Wooooooooo~!




I know this is meant to be really dramatically themed at all, but to me is just looks like Shiva tripped and faceplanted right into the rock. Ouch!




Also, there's a bit of irony in that the most covered woman that we've seen in this game creates the most scantily clad.

Well, okay, technically second, but Yunalesca really wasn't wearing clothes, was she?




How very pretentious.




Aw, I came here for some hopefuly hawt fayth action

HOW DISAPPOINT




While running around Spira like the git I am, I noticed good ol' Maechan hiding away in the corner.

Let's see what exposition he has for us this time, shall we?





We already know this. It's not like you to give out old exposition, man!




That's better!




They must be the biggest bunch of pansies ever.

OH NO MUSIC RUN FOR YOUR PATHETIC LIVES!!




Well he didn't really need to, did he? I think they had the whole fleeing in terror thing already covered.




That'd be the Wall o' Corpses, for those following at home.




"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS~ IT JUST GOES ON AND ON...."




So where did that particular song come from? Was it just an improv' moment on behalf of the fayth?

I guess they'd get bored up there...




Well that'd be because the truth is far more silly!

Though this raises the question of why didn't they just smash the fayth then?





NO WAI

Would this be that Yu Yevon guy, by any chance?



See you around, you wacky old man!

You just... kinda left it on a mountain. Again, any random asshole could've just picked it up!
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM SQUARE?!
WRONG IT'S DARK IXION
These were the jerks I nearly ran into on the way to the Kinoc sphere, and Auron's Masamune last entry ; ;