Working as Intended

Oh noes! It's here! Disc 4~

As you can probably guess from my overall attitude during it, Disc 3 was a very mixed bag for me. It's pretty much where the supposed actual plot of the game kicked it, and... my head still hurts from it. Things like Time Compression and the plan to defeat Ultimecia seemed as if someone at Squaresoft thought they had a brilliant idea and just wanted to get it across, despite all the inconsistencies and plot-holes they'd create in the process. Again, as you'd imagine, my biggest is with Junction Machine Ellone.

It's mentioned once in the entire game and its presence destroys any shred of credibility the storytelling in Disc 3 could have had. My question is... why even introduce it at all, if it never goes anyway and just creates a plot-hole? They could have just gone, "Ultimecia has the ability to warp time, like Ellone, but she can only go back in time a certain distance, so she needs Ellone to travel further for Time Compression." Bam! Fixed. But no, they felt the need to 'science' it up, and it completely imploded on them.

But, that said, Disc 3 did have its great moments. Esthar was a fantastic city, and seeing Laguna in charge of it by merely stumbling into the position was a good chuckle. Rinoa became a likable character, finally. And, the Ragnarok is one of my favorite airships in the Final Fantasy series... even if it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Who would design a spaceship that roars?

Eh, who cares. Anyway, onto the entry!







Well, not much of this game left to go, so let's just charge right in there!




Oh, look, Seifer's being an melodramatic dickship and Rinoa's a helpless heroine.

Ah, the more things change, the more they stay the same and are stupid.




Um... we're positive Adel is a woman, right?

I propose someone goes and checks. Hey, Zell! There might be a 'hotdog' somewhere on this woman. Try and find it! I think you'll see it will be quite the surprise~!




HUUUUUGZ




Um, Adel, sweetie... That's not how Fusion works.




Like every other boss ever now, Adel has what I imagine are meant to be some really difficult attacks, but she dies in a handful of turns. But I think the general idea is that you're not meant to use AoE abilities, because they'll hit Rinoa and she'll go splat.

Not that that ever stopped me.




Once you 'finally' defeat her, just does, um... this.




Duuuuuuuuuude! *puff*




When the hell did you two get he-WAIT NO STOP




There's still time to go back to Esthar. Think about it, man! You'll doom us all!




HAWT




Why did we do this again?! We're letting her win!




Congratulations, Loire. You just killed everyone in the Universe across all time!

I hope you're fucking happy!




OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-




FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUשּׂﮍמּⱶⱬﭤﭩפֿﮤﮦﮤﯕᾨόὟ۞۝ۘۍᴦ۩שּׂﮍמּⱶⱬﭤﭩפֿﮤﮦﮤﯕᾨόὟ۞۝ۘۍᴦ۩ﮤﮦﮤﯕשּׂ




AHHHHH DEATH BUBBLES




Wow. This is almost as trippy as the Kingdom Heats opening.




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE




Am... I dead?

There's no Zell or Rinoa.... Is this Heaven?




The hell is that?




Okay, so.. apparently you now have to fight Sorceresses across time or something. They're pretty easy (OHKO in my game), and each time a new one appears, the background/locale changes.




Like so!




OH GOD DAMN IT GAME I WAS TRYING TO FORGET THIS PLACE EVER EXISTED




I'm just going to come out and say it... I have absolutely no frigging clue what the hell is happening now.




Well, anyway the... thing explodes once you hit it enough, as monsters tend to do in this genre.

You think they'd keep the dynamite at home, and not in their pocket, but what are ya gonna do?




We're 100% sure we're in the future, right?

This... this doesn't look like the future.




Do we have to? Can't we just get some rest and schedule her in for a good 10am thwarting on Tuesday?




As you run up the chains you'll encounter these weird portal-like devices, that'll take you back to the World Map.

Actually, while we're here, I have something to do. 'cuse me a sec!




TO THE FLYING MACHINE!




Sorry. This shouldn't take long.




YOU SUCK!




Right. Let's go~!




Well, while it's still fresh in my head, why can we travel the World Map again?

I thought all of time just got compressed? And we're in the future, but those portals seem to send you back in time (except you can't enter towns anymore). How exactly does that wor---You know what? I should know better then to question this shit. I apologize.




No, this is just her outhouse, you shit-rocket.




It'd be kinda funny actually if we made it through the castle, only to find a "BRB 5 MINUTES :)" sign on her throne.




Okay, so this is the future.

Good to know! Because everything around us seems to suggest otherwise.




"I don't know what's going on."

If that isn't the perfect summary for the storyline in Disc 3-4, then nothing else could be.




Team Awesome, and Team Punches Zell in His Stupid Face While We're Off Saving The World.




Excellent!




Spoooooky~




WHAT.

Eh, maybe it isn't so bad. They could just mean GFs, and little else, you kn-




OH GOD DAMN IT

Ugh. Fine.

Let's go hunt down the stupid servants of stupidness then.




PREPARE YOURSELF TO DIE




This is Sphinxaur. As the first boss in Ultimecia's Castle most will encounter, you can really only just hit Attack...




And then he explodes (always with the exploding!), and you get your chance to unlock an ability of your choosing.




Down we go~




NO U




Tri-Point is meant to be super-dangerous or something, and several of my friends yelled at me that I had to equip Thundaga to Elemental Defense, or else I would get my arse handed to me. Well...




The idiot didn't even get in one attack before I murdered him.




Next up, the Art Gallery!

I can't really see Ultimecia standing here, looking at the art with a wine glass in her hand, going, 'Hmm, yes, indeed!'




If you look at the giant clock from the second story balcony, and then at all the art pieces, the puzzle is pretty easy.

Assuming you've suddenly developed clairvoyant powers.




Whoa. That's like, seriously deep, man!




WHAT THE AHHHH DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME




SEE NOW YOU'RE DEAD I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNT YOUR LESSON MISTER




Shiiiiiiiiiiiiny!




o shi-




Sadly, no, he dies like a pansy. It seems to be the theme for this castle.

Meltdown+Attack = Dead Everything.




Back we go~!




Hello, um... Whatever the hell you're meant to be!



This is Krysta. He counters every move you make with a physical attack, and casts Ultima when he's defeated...




He's also a little ponce!




OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT




Oh. Well, he doesn't seem so bad now. I was almost scared there for a seco-




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




No, wait, he dies in about 2 hits. Like everything else in this stupid castle!




How about you, doggy? Wanna play fetch?




C'mon, boy! C'mon~! Fetch the stick! Fetch the-




NO I SAID FETCH THE STICK NOT EXPLODE WHAT IS WITH YOU?!




So far this fucking castle has been nothing short of a gigantic disappointment.




All I want is something that gives me a decent challenge. Something that'll live past two hits! Something that-




... is just like that, game. Thank you!




Tiamat is the toughest of Ultimecia's Henchmen, and starts spelling out Dark Flare once the battle begins.

This seems like it has some promise! Okay, Tiamat, hit me with everything you've got~!




OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE




Well, uh... that's everything in the tower cleared now. I guess there's nothing left but to fight Ultimec-

WAIT

I KNOW


I just have to control Team Spaz over here for a second~ Won't be too long!




Hit this thing...




Run over here, and then...




O HAI OMEGA WEAPON




Let's get this shit on.




Every Final Fantasy game needs a superboss, and for VIII that's Omega Weapon.

In the PSX version he's always Level 100, so he has maximum stats and 1,161,000 HP.

He has several attacks, and does them in a specific order.
-Level 5 Death
-Meteor
-Megiddo Flame (9998 Damage to all party members)
-Gravija (HP% damage)
-Terra Break (Insta-Game Over, unless one/two people have the Defend command)
-Ultima
-Light Pillar (9999 damage to one party member)
-Repeats the cycle back at Meteor.

So, needless to say, he's the toughest boss in the entire game.




That said, outside the two big attacks, the strategy for him in the same as usual.

Especially when Megiddo Flame comes around, because, oh, Omega, you are a...




Stupid.




Fucking.




IDIOT




AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH




Between Squall's Renzokuken, Irvine's Quick Shot/AP Shot and Quistis buffing everyone up, I was averaging around 500,000+ damage between Omega's attack. Which means he didn't even hit Terra Break before...




What's that, Omega? Something's wrong? But I thought I told Ultima to give you some warning.




OH WAIT NO THAT'S RIGHT THAT LITTLE BITCH IS DEAD AS WELL! HOW ABOUT THAT?




But, hey, hey, don't cry. Afterall, I have a message for you!

Let's see, it reads...




YOU ARE A WEENIE




Booya, motherfucker!




You're goddamn right I am!




Well, I think that's absolutely everything in the game done now.

Let's go off the ol' checklist, shall we? We have...
-Obtained all the GFs.
-Defeated Ultima Weapon.
-Called Mr. Monkey an asshole.
-Helped out PuPu.
-Collected Children's Trading Cards.
-Done the silly stuff in Winhill.
-Done the Shumi Tribe stuff.
-Defeated Omega Weapon.

Yup. That's everything! First time I've ever done this in a VIII playthrough~




All that's left now is to finish this!