Working as Intended

I've been getting some questions about my schedule for churning these, and other posts, out, as of late. Especially with Post 2 of VIII coming out the day after 1, despite both being freakishly long. Basically, I post whatever whenever I feel up for it. If something stops amusing me, it pretty much just drops dead on here (Like the PPEE run, because lack of varied NPC dialog started to bore me).

With things like VIII and Minecraft, I'm putting more priority on playing the games first and working on ze posts second. Not to mention that work and study will occasionally rear its ugly head and for me to do other, actually constructive, crap.

So, basically, I'm working on the "I'unno.." schedule.

With that wordy crap out of the way, let's get back to the game!









Now where were we?

Oh, right! Heading back to Garden to get promoted to SeeDs for not following orders and risking both the mission and the lives of Dollet and Garden staff alike via: giant mechanical spider rampage.

I don't know why the students seemed so tense. This is, like, impossible to fuck up, apparently.




AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-No.




Well gosh, Zell. And here I was about to fornicate with Selphie and shit all over the walls. But I guess I'll just have to try and restrain myself, you insecure dolt.




What is your deal?

D.. Do you have, like, Furry stuff up there? If that's the case I might just have to break out the gasoline and matches.



I will.

In the mobster sense.




Even Selphie thinks he's a dumb shit.




Make like a tree, and get out of here.




"No! REALLY?"




Maybe I'm confused here, but what did we accomplish? We stormed the beaches (in a vehicle that is incapable of turning around obstacles, apparently), killed a handful of soldiers, and watched as Galbadia activated the satellite. Which was their main objective.

I guess they agreed to leave as long as it was on, but they still got exactly what they wanted, and are in a very advantageous bargaining position, since that's the only thing stopping them from marching in again and blowing the whole damn town up.

No wonder Squall says, "Whatever..." a lot.




Tell them we're going through a tunnel!




"Aw, yeah. It's all about the Squall love up in this bitch!"




:(




feels good man




Oh-ho! If it isn't Mr. Act-Snottily-Superior-Despite-Doing-Absolutely-Nothing, himself!




"Not a single word. You'd think something that important would warrant mentioning or something!"




No, we'd be sitting on the coast of Dollet, with no transportation home, as Galbadian soldiers took turns playing a corking game of Hide the Bullet with our torsos.




And then Xu and Quistis appear to rightfully rip into the idiot.

I have to say, while people in this game act like complete morons, it's nice to know there's always a character or two in the scene that thinks the very same thing. It gives me the faint glimmer of hope that maybe I'll meet a party member that isn't completely friggin' loco at one point.

Go ahead, laugh now. I'll wait.




Aw yeah!




Legs, don't fail me now!




>:O




"'...RAGE', I heard. She's only 5 feet away, dumbass. 


Though that does sadly put her out of kicking range of you."




Well of course they are. You don't expect them to scream every name simultaneously, do you?




"Please head to the alley out back for the mandatory shotgun to the frontal lobes."




Whaaat the fuck?




God, it'd be great if it turned out there was another Squall from that squad, and everybody got terribly confused because Faculty McDipShit over here couldn't even be bothered to say someone's last name.



What, only four of them passed? But there were dozens of teams out in Dollet, full of aspiring SeeD trainees. Then again, there's only us four and the three guys in the hallway out there, so.. Eek! I guess Dollet was harder than I thought.

On the other hand, fuck 'em. SeeD superstar here!




"That means we have to hog-tie Zell up and throw him into the basement at regular intervals."





"(We never thought someone would be so stupid as to actually master that weapon!)"




Okay, seriously. Stop everything.

What the fuck is up with that running animation? I was going to say no straight man would ever run like that, but that would be an insult to bi/homosexuals. Plus I've never seen... well, anyone, run like that. The only conclusion that can possibly be grabbed from this is that Zell is a fucking idiot.

He is not, however, the biggest idiot in this recap.




"Getting megalomaniacal are we? Try and act dumb all you want, but two other people heard you and your evil scheme! Isn't that right?!"




".... Okay, nevermind."




Seifer and everyone are waiting down the hallway to, surprisingly, congratulate everyone. Hey, maybe he isn't all that bad? .




Damn! I knew it was poor judgment to not push Zell off the bridge or sacrifice him to the mechanical spider!

Oh well, it's not like I won't be maximum rank before this game's over anyway.




"Yes. Whoever would dare to look for me in my own living quarters?"




Squall again contemplates ditching it all and going for a simpler and happier existence!




"I always am, baby!"




What's that? "Let's hit Zell in the teeth"?

This night's looking up!




Mr. Social in his local habitat.

Oh well, at least nobody's bothering him over he-




Ahhhh, fuck.




"I am, but you're still an insecure, spazzy shit-lord."




Oh-ho-ho! How would you like a blood explosion where your mouth used to be?




Yeah, that's what I thought, punk.




Ha-ha! She's your problem now, sucker.




WAIT SHIT NOOO




I decide to be nice to Selphie, because:

1) Squall needs to get out more, and..
2) Selphie, while batshit insane, is the only party member that hasn't annoyed the crap out of me too much yet.




I'm already regretting this decision.




Let's not and say we didn't.




MEANWHILE




"That's right. I can count to One. Top that, smart-arse!"

Maybe I'm being a bit to rash. I mean it's not like she's walked over or anythi-




AH CRAP




Well, gotta give credit for a good first impression.

Though points off for stating the obvious.




Yes, because a guy standing in the corner for the entire event by himself just screams dance machine!




That's it, Squall! Fight the temptation! I know it might seem hard now, but avoiding her will only save you from having to take part in an increasingly confusing and pretentious storyline and farce of a 'romance', where this woman destroys everything unique about you. It's for the best, ma-




Then maybe you should consider not standing on the dance floor then, you attention whore?




"noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"




That's it, Squall! There's no shame in running from this! It's for the bes-




OH GOD DEATH EYES

Just look at Squall's expression. The poor fucker doesn't know what to think about any of this.




Aw, how romantic.

Except not.




Squall, having fulfilled his role of letting Rinoa be the center of attention, is immediately ditched after the dance.

I mean I know he's a shit dancer and all, but that's just being a bitch.

No, wait, there were fireworks! It must be TWOOOO LUV!!!!

God.




"Hmm, do I leave my coat with the suicide note up here, or do I take it with me so they know who it's from?"




What dance were you watching?




"Sorry. I'm not used to you not speaking in tutorials."




Or that.




......... Go on.




Yeah, I get ya. 'Talk'. Wink.

Aw yeah, this is it, Squall!




I'VE SEEN NEUTRON STARS THAT ARE LESS DENSE THEN HE IS!




I can't tell if Quistis is trying to hold back laughter or a gag reflex from sheer stupidity.

Probably both, if what I'm doing is any indication.




JESUS CHRIST, MAN!

She wants you to Junction some magic into her slot.

For you to Triple her Triad.

To Force her Guardian.

God, she could practically fling herself naked at him right now and he wouldn't even bat an eye.




"Gawsh, I better go see what the Instructor wants at such a late time of night, in the 'secret area' of Garden. Where the well known make-out point is. I bet it has something to do with overdue homework. Yeah! I bet that's it."




Well, whatever, it's happening.




So, hotness, what did you wanna 'talk' about?




That's a weird way of asking if he has protection, isn't it?




Trust me, lady, with his mindset you won't be getting much 'training' done.




Ugh. Be right back.

Gotta spend 20 minutes getting these spells...




At last. The 'secret area'.




I don't think it's wise to discuss past flings while on a first date.




Several hours past Squall Getting a Clue. Why?




Le gasp!




That still won't help your chances, Quistis. It's best to just accept he's about as open as North Korea right now and find someone else.





Every single character in this game has managed to piss me off in someway now. Truly this is a time for celebration and violently slamming my head into the desk! Huzzahs and concussions for all!




Okay, that's kinda funny.

It's stupid as all hell, but it made me chuckle.




On the way out from officially the Universe's Worst First Date, the two hear someone screaming for help.




Oh snap, it's... That Person?




Like Ifrit, despite his generally imposing looks and movement, he's actually quite easy. Probably the easiest boss in the game. So defeating him is quick and... wait..




OH GOD DAMN IT






After the battle, some white-uniformed dudes take WhatsHerFace away.

Be sure to remember this, because we aint coming back to it for quite some time!




You know, generally I actually kinda like Squall. He has his flaws, but is overall a decent enough fellow. He has his moments of being enthusiastic or passionate about something, even in his own little hard-to-truly-see way. It makes for some interesting character bits and development.

Stuff like this, however, just makes me want to reach my hand into the screen and beat the stupid out of him. There's being a socially awkward and troubled teenager, and then there's being an unlikable, misanthropic prick.




Oh, good. Because I just wasn't disliking 90% of the this game's current cast enough yet!




If you didn't want to wait forever, and Squall's new room is right across from his old one, why didn't you just stick some paper on the wall/door to his old room that said, "HEY, NEW ROOM'S BEHIND YOU, ASSHOLE"?




I sat here, secretly hoping for a while that the game's code would change and both characters would just explode from their own current, but different, states of stupidity.

Sadly this did not happen, so I moved on.




"And now to go to sleep, standing up, with my eyes open. As is my custom!"




Right! Brand new day, and a brand new start!

Let's hope Squall can make up for last night's disaster.




While waiting for Zell, Selphie checks her shoes for dog shit.




"HEY DINCHT, YOU BOJO! HOVERBOARDS DON'T WORK ON WATER!"




Unless the mission plan is to shove that thing halfway up your arse, I sincerely doubt that.




Consider it done!

Seems a bit simple, but I aint gonna complain!




"No, us and the entire invisible Phantom battalion that's been following us around all morning. Who else would there be in this giant, empty courtyard?!"




I like the sound of this!

"Zell? Go throw yourself into the lava in the [Fire Cavern]."
"Selphie? Mild applause, please."




Oooooh, shiny!




Well, it says be cautious, but Headmaster Cid is a kind and gentle man, so I'm sure he wouldn't give his students anything that might possibly endanger them without specifically telling them what was u-




OH SWEET SHITTING JESUS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK




WHY WOULD HEADMASTER CID DO THIS

Also, apparently Draws can fail if your Magic stat isn't high enough. Because, you know, Drawing obviously wasn't fucking time-consuming enough as it was!




But there's nothing Limit Breaks, Demi, Curaga and a lot of swearing can't solve!




SUCK IT.




Yeah, that's right! You don't deserve to sit with the rest just yet!





Also, one last teeeny, tiny little thing...